Loss of internal dialogue??

[tn13]

Hi all, this is probably a weird one that I'm overthinking but I thought I'd ask anyway. I've been dealing with GAD, panic and depression for about two months now. It's been a tough slug of it but I think I'm starting to see the other side after a trip to the ER, starting Cipralex four weeks ago tomorrow (bumped up to 20 mg a week ago) and trips to several doctors. It started with the fear that I was going to die of a heart attack, then a stroke, then a brain aneurysm (sparked by the sudden death of a friend of mine when I was 15), and while now I'm not worried about any particular disease I'm still worried about my brain.

About two weeks ago, when I was still panicking about the aneurysm, I had a tingly feeling in my head and to distract myself from it I started consciously thinking about everything, like sort of over-narrating in my head (like "those are some pink and white flowers in my mum and dad's wedding photo!" stupid stuff NOBODY does lol) and it worked to get rid of the tingling and panic about that but it started me constantly thinking about thinking and doing that. It was irritating but manageable. Now I'm feeling much more calm than I was, not panicky anymore, but I am worried about the fact that about a week ago it started to become a lot of effort to do that. It's like I can't hear that internal dialogue anymore and there's nothing in my head? I can't fully form out sentences just thinking about them in my head anymore (talking, writing and everything else is perfectly fine, able to do schoolwork and whatnot). I'm starting to be able to imagine and daydream again but it's like that internal dialogue is gone... things come to me as just little pops of ideas, not fully formed things, and it's like I can't hear my own voice in my head anymore, except when I read. It's very odd. Then again, I never paid attention to how I thought before and neurologically everything else seems fine with me, it's just this...

Reading this back this message seems a little crazy lol, but has anyone else experienced this either with their anxiety or starting anti-depressants? I found one post describing exactly this on Yahoo Answers and a lot of posts saying the drugs left people blank minded. I'm probably just overthinking in this situation and need to calm down but just putting this out there... Nice thing is I can tell you all that Cipralex has worked well for me and I'm starting to be more normal again, other than a little lack of motivation (but I've been sitting around the house for two months balled up on the couch so I suppose that's natural :P)

[shoegal]

Hi. You have written your post very clearly which tells me you have clarity of thought. When we are anxious we do tend to overthink things and I think you're just over analysing your thoughts. If you have just increased the dosage of your meds this could also explain why you feel a little different. Please try not to worry about it. You seem fine to me.

[Rhys1879SAFC]

Hey, I had something similar regarding "internal voice" as it were.

For me I didn't lose it all together, I found I couldn't pronounce the letter "s" in my head, it was very very weird, but I just got on with it and eventually when I completely forgot about this particular phenomenon I realised that I could now pronounce "s" again.

Very strange, I think it could be that your brain just gets so worked up during long periods of anxiety to be honest.

[harasgenster]

Hi. Anxiety can make cause confusion (my most hated symptom!) I tend to get what you're describing - as if my thoughts aren't ordered and little ideas just pop up rather than there being this linear narrative. My confusion often starts happening in real life, though, where my mind will suddenly go blank and I will feel quite scared and out of it - find it hard constructing sentences, can't understand other people when they're talking to me (as if they're speaking a different language), let sinks overflow and can't work out why there's water on the floor! That kind of stuff!

Even those kind of things, which have always frightened me, are totally normal in anxiety. Your brain just gets a bit confused.

The other thing to remember is that no one's thoughts are a linear narrative. People just have the PERCEPTION of their thoughts being a linear narrative because they don't sit there analysing what goes through their heads!

Actually, our thoughts occur more in tiny patches of nonsensical stuff, or cut-off sentences. Ever listened to your thoughts as you drop off to sleep?

You've noticed this happening because you're thinking about it. In reality, this is what is happening to everybody all the time. It may have worsened in you due to the anxiety, but it's still normal and nothing to worry about