My anger has never been this bad

[Carnation]

You're not naive wired, you are kind. That's the difference.
If that guy mentions about staying again or turns up just say you can't because it was noticed by neighbours and you are not allowed people stay over if not immediate family. Or say your son was upset. Or just say you can't.

[Lencoboy]

I've had to block him. He's quite pushy when it comes to visiting. He had a bust up with his misses, and is now in a hotel. I feel for him, I do. I've been there. But he can't live life surfing sofas and treating peoples property like it means nothing.

His views are quite extreme. I can't have that in my life. I'm trying to get better.

I'm hardly surprised he and his other half have split up. Especially for him having such extreme views on certain things and for being so reckless and careless with his smoking habits, especially in the home.

And while it usually pains me to see people homeless, I can't help thinking in the context of your old mate's selfishness 'tough titties'.

He just sounds like an selfish, undeserving taker (and loser) who has little to no respect whatsoever.

[Lencoboy]

That's terrible that the staff ignored it. There's little compassion or care in the system anymore. It's hard to find a good center. I used to love the center in my old area but sadly budget cuts meant it had to be closed down. I miss that. The staff actually cared, and went out of their way to help with whatever problem you had.

Those 'stalking' incidents from that other client were back in around 2004, before all the cuts lark, although I have a feeling the authorities were at it in some form or another even back then, albeit more subtly than during the past 10-15 years. In fact, there was even much speculation about our local CC (Staffs) closing many of the day centres back then in the mid 2000s, predating the Global Financial Crisis, let alone the Tory govts from 2010 onwards and Blair and Co getting it in the neck at the time.

TBH, I don't think there's ever really been much compassion within the care system. It's pretty much always been dogged by poor management and certain people with agendas who are often all talk but actually can't be bothered a lot of the time, coupled with the 'blame culture' and chronic lack of accountability.

And this has been under both Tory and Labour govts.

[Lencoboy]

For some strange reason this morning I seem to have an irrational hatred of the actor Ricky Tomlinson, most notable for playing Bobby Grant in Brookside and was also one of 'The Royle Family' later on.

He has always seemed extremely volatile, chauvinistic and perpetually angry, both in his acting character roles and IRL, as in the latter case he's always had militant tendencies and was infamously one of the 'Shrewsbury Two' back in the 70s where he and his fellow 'partner-in-crime' were both arrested and charged with public order offences.

I was by chance watching a couple of old Brookie episodes from early 1984 on YouTube last night and as the character Bobby Grant, the way he seemed to treat his family was well and truly appalling at times. One scene in particular that made my blood boil was where Damon had been suspended from school for various 'misdemeanours' (including being 'fitted up' by one of his fellow female classmates with a rude Valentine's card to one of his (female) teachers that the girl falsely signed in Damon's name) and the Grant family were having a massive row during dinner over it which lead to various other niggles coming out about things like the general state of the country back then concerning pertinent issues like the recession and resulting unemployment epidemic of the time, Sheila's indignation about Bobby being lazy, constantly pubbing it and not lifting a finger with housework while he was out of work at the time and she was out cleaning other people's homes as a partnership business with one of the other female residents of the Close, and Bobby boasting to be 'man of the house', whether working or not.

The row in said scene got so nasty that Bobby ordered the whole family to leave their meals, sent both Damon and Karen upstairs so that he and Sheila could continue their epic dust-up in the kitchen behind closed doors with Damon speculating to Karen in the bedroom upstairs about the possibility of their parents ending up getting divorced (which did eventually happen 4 years later in 1988).

God, that was the main scene that made me really mad, the thought of an entire family inhumanely being ordered to leave their food by the 'man of the house' which was like 'collective punishment' for the entire family. I'm so glad I never had that 'little Hitler' of a man as a dad in spite of the fact that my own parents were no strangers to epic rowing and screaming on occasions but almost never as extremely and inhumanely as Bobby and Sheila Grant. And yes I know it's actually fiction but it seemed so realistic and true-to-life in many respects. But most ironically Bobby never seemed to give Damon the belt, which was still fairly common for many dads of that ilk around that time.

I keep having irrational fantasies about challenging Ricky Tomlinson to a dust-up in real life by saying provocative things like 'to hell with the miners' strike', 'to hell with your poxy beloved trade unions', etc, so he'd then probably lamp me one and put me in hospital, and then brag to the courts that I 'deserved it' for pushing him to it!

[WiredIncorrectly]

Morning Lenco, I'm actually quite glad I'm not alone in my irrational anger/hatred. I don't know much about Ricky, but I did love the old Brookside as a youngster.

My anger today has been quite bad. I had to leave the house to go tesco and while in the store there was loud music playing. I couldn't focus on anything, or remember what I needed. I started getting angry that the store is trying to control what I buy by confusing the life out of me. So I called for the manager to explain, and tbh he was quite understanding and changed the music to something soft. I know it's not his fault, but in that moment I just had to speak to somebody. I left the store and forgot some things so got half way home and had to turn back. I was in a complete rage by the time I got home. It started raining really bad and my natural response was to shout at the sky and stamp my feet home.

Thankfully I can control myself to the point I'm not outwardly angry or destructive. But it wasn't always this way.

The big question is, why do we get angry in this way over things that other people do not seem to care about? What's the magic fix for this? I get into spirals sometimes where I'm convinced life/the-universe/the-man-upstairs is doing this on purpose

Do you have any methods on controlling anger when it gets like this, or do you just ride it out/

[Lencoboy]

Morning Lenco, I'm actually quite glad I'm not alone in my irrational anger/hatred. I don't know much about Ricky, but I did love the old Brookside as a youngster.

My anger today has been quite bad. I had to leave the house to go tesco and while in the store there was loud music playing. I couldn't focus on anything, or remember what I needed. I started getting angry that the store is trying to control what I buy by confusing the life out of me. So I called for the manager to explain, and tbh he was quite understanding and changed the music to something soft. I know it's not his fault, but in that moment I just had to speak to somebody. I left the store and forgot some things so got half way home and had to turn back. I was in a complete rage by the time I got home. It started raining really bad and my natural response was to shout at the sky and stamp my feet home.

Thankfully I can control myself to the point I'm not outwardly angry or destructive. But it wasn't always this way.

The big question is, why do we get angry in this way over things that other people do not seem to care about? What's the magic fix for this? I get into spirals sometimes where I'm convinced life/the-universe/the-man-upstairs is doing this on purpose

Do you have any methods on controlling anger when it gets like this, or do you just ride it out/

Good question.

I know it's highly unlikely I'll ever meet Ricky Tomlinson face-to-face and I know Brookside is fiction, but I just happened to see red at those scenes I watched on YouTube last night where I believed he (as Bobby Grant) treated his family inhumanely by making them all stop performing a basic necessity of life (eating their food) because he disagreed with Sheila for writing a letter to Damon's school condemning his caning (which incidentally was outlawed in schools IRL just over 2 years later) and could just tell Bobby was of the typical 'a bloody good hiding never did me any harm' brigade and he just came across as a sadistic bully who seemed to be milking his then-current bout of unemployment to the max to justify his antics, though legend has it that he was always an extremely fiery, dictatorial and volatile character for donkeys years prior to his redundancy in late 1983. Bobby also seemed to have the hypocritical 'do as I say, not as I do' kind of attitude.

My own dad was made redundant in early 1987, 3 years after these episodes were first aired, and although there was obviously a fair amount of consequential rowing and screaming between my parents at that time (and twas ever thus long before then anyway), my parents' dust-ups were actually far tamer than those acted out between Bobby and Sheila Grant, and probably most other families IRL, both back then and now. My dad had eventually found full-time work once again some 18 months or so later (plus my mom had already been working full-time herself since the latter half of 1986) but their rowing still persisted on and off for years after (over various other issues of old and new) with my mom still bringing up my dad's 1987 redundancy in arguments even some 25 years or so later by which time it was all 'water under the bridge' and of course all its attendant issues having long been resolved.

I just can't stand people who are perpetually angry, shouty and aggressive and feel extremely triggered by them, mostly in the case of Ricky Tomlinson aka Bobby Grant rather than my dad, even though both he and my mom have been known to trigger me on the odd occasions in the past.

I can definitely relate to your grievances over loud background music in Tesco's earlier today. Some of it really does my nut in big time in shops, especially if it's certain songs/musical styles I'm not too keen on myself, let alone stuff like bright flashing lights, brash, in-yer-face, in-store adverts (both audio and visual), plus I dread the thought of witnessing irate parents hitting their kids and shouting and swearing loudly at them in such places, though thankfully (touch wood) I haven't noticed such incidents for probably about 10 or so years now but certainly remember witnessing such incidents on a regular basis during the late 80s, 90s and 2000s, especially from 'pleb'-type parents who thought they were all 'ard and untouchable!

People driving cars aggressively (especially souped-up ones) sets me on edge too, especially with loud rap or ravey-type music blaring out of them with the windows wide open (again trying to appear 'ard and macho), particularly near my day centre.