A never ending roller coaster ride.

[gagallagher04402]

Hey everyone

Well here is my background. It all started in 2013. Without getting into too many details and impulsive buy turned into a money problem which then continued to build starting with a little bit of anxiety and then growing and festering into a complete whirlwind of problems. At the time I had never really experienced much for anxiety or depression just the normal stuff but it always went away. I thought this would go away so I tried to continue on. Well a week went by a couple weeks went by and then a month went by and it was only getting worse I wasn't eating I could barely function at work I wouldn't talk, I was depressed, when I got home I immediately crawled into bed, I prayed, I cried, I thought the world was coming to an end I literally thought at the time I was going crazy. At the time I was willing to do anything to make it stop I had suicidal horrible thoughts, I never acted on anything, I always wanted to sleep because when I was sleeping I wasn't anxious. I just feel something broke in my brain and I have a massive serotonin leak and the hole can't be plugged. I went to the doctor and broke down. He told me I wasn't going crazy I was experiencing severe anxiety.
So I got put on meds have side effects change meds multiple times to try to find what was right for me. So let's fast-forward I finally got meds that help I'm still on them. now my work caused a lot of my anxiety I feel I worked in an engineering firm has a electrical designer I butted heads with a guy there, the company switched hands, management changed, the office relocated so a lot of that was causing my anxiety. I knew it was best for my health and well-being to get away from that company I had been with them 10 1/2 years. I finally left just this past February. I have to say it was probably one of the best choices I ever made even though it was very hard to do. I gave 10 1/2 years of my life to a company that's a long time. I've been doing very good since leaving the company I started taking some college classes in preparing to go back to school. besides normal anxiety as far as not being employed and having money, I had anxiety but it was manageable. Right now I have quite a bit going on I had a very good job offer a come my way that I am trying to figure out. school starts this coming Monday so after Thursday I'll know what's going on with the potential job if that job doesn't work out I'm full steam into returning to college .
Now here's my current issue. Just this past Sunday we got our 8 week old puppy, a mini Australian Shepherd her name is helix she is absolutely gorgeous. Where I have been doing so good with my anxiety yes I'm still on my meds but I thought I was better, I left the toxic work world and I am now better. I have realized I am not better as cute is this dog is as much as I love her my anxiety is off the charts. I do not miss this feeling at all. I've done nothing but cry think in fear the worst that I constantly have to have my eye on this dog 24 seven that she cries when I try to do anything if she's not around me. i've had a cat now for 11 years and my cat tolerates the puppy but has slapped her a couple times and doesn't really care for her. The puppy wants to play with her the cat doesn't want to play. So I feel like I need to constantly watch them like a hawk. I feel trapped I'm scared. I've made the comment numerous times if I could do it over I would've never of gotten her. I know that's just the anxiety talking, but I'm so wound up and upset, I'm tired, I look like hell, I haven't been sleeping.
My girlfriend has been great support my family as well they're all just saying she's a puppy she's a baby she'll grow out of it it's gonna take some time this is all new to her. I understand all of that and I know that's the truth but anybody with Exide he knows my brain will not let it go my brain is after the negative my girlfriend has been great support my family as well they're all just saying she's a puppy, she's a baby she'll grow out of it, it's gonna take some time, this is all new to her. I understand all of that and I know that's the truth but anybody with axiety knows my brain will not let it go my brain is after the negative.
I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I wanted this dog so it could help me deal with my anxiety, to be my friend, to be my buddy, to help me, tolook out for me.

I know it's foolish for such a defenseless loving animal who does nothing more than want to love me Cosmi so much depression and anxiety to where I want to push her away. I'm extremely embarrassed about my brain wont let go.

I'm sorry for such a long post but I feel like I needed to get it out there.
Anybody with some support for his experience this and gone through it I would love some help.

Thank you all so very much

George

[gagallagher04402]

Well this is disappointing, I took a lot of time to write my thread asking for help and I get no one interested. ��

[gagallagher04402]

I thought I should just say that I couldn't take it, I gave the dog back.

I am still a wreck though.

Thank you all.

George

[Lucinda07]

You made the right decision.
Now is not the right time to take on the extra responsibility for a new lively pet.

[Juggar]

I think I identify with the beginning part of your post. The random anxiety mess, i know all about it. Hits you out of nowhere, total blind side . Like being mentally beat to a pulp. I get it and lord knows it's terrible.

In a few months I'll be coming up on a year of this mess. It's gotten better but in some ways worse. Initially it came on so strong I could not sleep, could hardly eat and eventually broke down to family. I thought I was going crazy at one point as well. But we all know that isn't true. I've improved a lot but I just can't shake the feeling that things will never be the same.

I honestly do think that some of us are just more prone to anxiety issues like these. Probably Genetics. One day you are just living your life and the next day it's tuned upside down. It could also just be small stressors just compounding until it just overflows. For me, it was debt, low self worth and some more insecurities that just added up overtime.

I find that things are worse the longer I am alone or away from friends, my brain just loves to think about being anxious. I used to daydream, think of how to attack debt, how to improve my life but now it's all "what if..." anxious type thoughts. Maybe one day it will slowly go away.

I too have thought about getting a dog, but honestly the hours I keep and the additional work would probably lead to a hard time. Focus on mental recovery first and then think about that. I could never give an animal back though, But you have to what's best for you.

It's good if you to come on here and get it all out, sometimes just getting it off your chest can really help.

[frib92]

Hello, though I have not been in your position exactly, I was quiet similar when I first got my cats, they were tiny kittens and every time I left the house I was petrified they would die, which my boyfriend at the time thought was totally irrational, neither of us really knew about my anxiety issues at this point. So I just put up with the stress, 3 years later I still have the cats, they're my 100% babies and the bond between us is so strong probably because of my protectiveness as kittens. It has been a learning curve though, for example I keep all the doors open in my home so they have free run, and at night time they can be really hyper and crazy and keep me up or wake me up, but due to my fear of something happening to them if I was to shut my bedroom door im being kept up, this is something im trying to work on.

Maybe you could try taking on a smaller responsibility, or volunteering with animals, if thats not too stressful? Try and prove to yourself that nothing terrible would happen over time.

Dont beat yourself up about it though, you defiantly did the right thing! And im sure youll get your loving little pal in good time! x