As the title says 😆

I'm 35 years old with two kids and a husband so I feel utterly ridiculous but I've gone a large proportion of my life without a mother now (she died when I was 19)
Apart from it all being obviously horrible, I've come to realise one of the ways in which I feel I miss the most from her not being here is when I'm having a bad bad health anxiety flare up and I just have NOBODY to text and be neurotic or honest to about it.

Yes, I have a husband, and he has family, yes I have a dad that lives far away. But I just can't. I'm too ashamed to really openly talk about my stupid fears to them and if I do I don't feel any better because they say the wrong things (not on purpose...they just don't get it)

When I spiral all I can think about is how if I had a mum here I could text or message her with my stupid little questions and she'd probably text back with some reassurance because mum's are sensible and knowledgeable and I'd feel better.

I'm having a really panicky time atm and I just NEED a sensible calm and judgment free mum in my life, I feel so alone, I have a massive hole for a strong older female to talk to about all my worries. So much so I actively seek out female friendships with much older women.....but it doesn't help because once they become my friend I want to keep them as friends so I hide this part of myself from them.

Does anyone have room for me 🥺🥺🥺