I’m really struggling lately with lots of things. I think this has been going on for a few months and I’m feeling quite easily overwhelmed, with low mood and even lower self esteem.

I didn’t know what to do about it, so thought I’d write it down. I may delete it later, it’s quite personal and I don’t often post about myself on here.

I don’t know if it’s maybe menopausal or an age thing - I reached a big new age this month.

I am struggling at home, it is a mess and I lack all motivation with it . I procrastinate and then feel overwhelmed and unhappy about it.

I am struggling at work, we are so busy and I have told my boss twice that I’m struggling but was told that nothing was going to change. My team were offered a nice bonus if we achieved something and I found out today that I didn’t get mine, but with no explanation as to why not. However, there were some issues with some of my work (after I had told them how busy I was), and I was off with covid for a few days (unpaid). So I assume that’s why I didn’t get the bonus but everyone else did and it has left me feeling so shoddy. Add the few hundred pounds I lost for having covid, and it’s quite the smack in the face. I also feel like I’m being punished a bit for bringing up the fact I’m struggling and for being off with covid. I know it sounds weird and paranoid but I have to trust my instinct a bit and my boss is definitely being off with me.

I work with someone who annoys me, she’s very nice but she’s annoying. Today she told me that sometimes I am unnecessarily curt with her, and I suspect I am, but I feel horrible that I’ve made her feel horrible. And I didn’t say sorry either. I don’t know how to deal with that.

I let my daughter have too much screen time because I’m busy trying to get stuff done (or procrastinating!). I feel like she’s growing up so fast and my time with her should be better.

I think I still have brain fog from covid. And perimenopause. I know I should see a gp about the peri, but I just think I’ll cry.

I can’t sleep due to my stupid shoulder pain. (Im seeing a physio about it now).

I feel like a terrible failure. I have quite a problem with responsibility in that I feel like everything is my responsibility, so if things go wrong I blame myself. I’m blaming myself for so much right now and I don’t know how to get out of my rut.

One of the school Mums who I don’t really know, called out to me this morning “Remind your brain how awesome you are”. I thought it was such a kind thing to say.

Sending love to anyone struggling too. I see you, you’re awesome.