beyond depressed- I need reassurance please

[skylar]

Hi everyone,

::sigh::
I have had anxiety for a long time now but depression has recently started to impact my life. I was depressed when I was a young teenager but i learned how to put those feelings on the backburner and live my life. I will be 23 now in like a week and lately depression is getting the best of me. It started a couple months ago when I started on cymbalta.. I was lying in bed one night having a terrible fulll blown panic attack, I swore that I was going to die. After that, I have had these questions flying through my head.. questions that I have thought about before from a completely different perspective. What happens when you die? Why are we alive? What is the point of all this? I feel like I need faith and I need people to tell me, or remind me of the point of living. It's a scary thought to not be able to answer those questions. There is no one around for me to talk to, no one takes me seriously because everything to them just boils down to "oh its just your anxiety" this may or may not be true but it is not what I need to hear. I need reassurance. I feel like all these thoughts are poison eating away at my mind and soul. What scares me the most is that I used to have the answers and I was so sure of them, I was always the one there reassuring people and really meaning it, now I am lost. If anyone has any reassuring words it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[smudger]

Hi. While I was depressed I asked the same questions as you. What is life, whats the point in all this, we are going to die anyway? Now I feel better life doesn't seem so black and daunting. Now my mood is better I can think of things I want to do, enjoy, experience so there does seem a point in being here and I don't feel as intense about the meaning of life. Maybe you need to work on your depression to lift your mood back to what it was, then you may find answers to your questions. You may not even ask those questions again! I really do think questions like this reflect the state of mind we are in. Maybe see the doc again? What do you think?

[Carys]

Hi Skylar, I can really identify your with your thoughts. I started asking those massive unanswerable 'life' questions when I was a young teenager too and they made me very panicky and depressed. Associated with those questions I developed the 'fear of dying' which you talk about, and then panic attacks where I thought I was dying. I can recall the desperate panic I would feel when my head would go in circles about those 'massive life questions' that you have mentioned.

I felt, and infact still feel the same way that you do, that if I could develop 'faith' it would help me to cope with those questions that I would never be able to answer. You are not alone in feeling anxious about being unable to answer those big questions about life, mankind has struggled with them since the start of time and various religions have found a way to quell peoples' anxiety and feelings of lack of understanding.

I am now in my 40s and haven't found the right route to alleviating my fears about those big questions yet I'm afraid. I have tried a few forms of Christianity, but they did not work for me. I am doing a bit of reading on different spiritual philosophies now - currently buddhism, to try and find an approach that makes sense to me. Even though I've not found a way to worry less about the life questions, they now don't consume me and my thoughts, as I can now accept that if the most intelligent philosophers through time can't find the answer, then I'm not going to either Some questions can't be answered, because man kind isn't able to do so.

Why not start doing some reading on religions and spiritual approaches to living - it might help ? At the very least it provides purpose in searching for an answer...at best it might provide you with the 'faith' you feel you are searching for.

[tiredzombie]

Hey, I think I might know what you mean about suddenly seeing the 'big questions' from a different perspective, and feeling like you need reassurance. I hit that point about 2 years ago, and although I've got used to the feeling now (kind of like the bottom has dropped out of my world), it's left me not knowing where to go, or what to do with my life.

It makes sense to think that it's triggered by anxious depression. But that doesn't make it feel any better, if life seems pointless, especially if you'd always assumed there was some objective meaning to it all (as I had.)

On the other hand, it could be that what you're doing is searching for the true purpose in existence. I know I haven't found it yet, but that doesn't mean you won't. So philosophy, religion, and political causes are all worth a look, to see if anything grabs you.

Sorry, that probably wasn't very reassuring. Hopefully someone will turn up soon and give us both some satisfying answers. 'Til then, feel free to pm me if you feel it would help to talk about the 'big questions' with someone who has thought about it a lot and is still utterly clueless.

[flumpy]

Hello Skylar
Your feelings of anxiety at the thought of death and even the actual process of dying are not new. Man's brain has, in my opinion, become over-developed, and thus theology and philosophy were born. If I had a penny for every minute I had pondered over the futility of life, then I would be a very rich, yet ultimately mortal, person. However, having just turned 40 and spent this time obsessing about death letting the subsequent panic disorder ruin my life, my advice would be to take this very seriously NOW! Don't let it ruin your life. Talk about it to people on this site. Read about it, come to terms with the fact that yes, one day you will not be here. Then, move on to your own life and make it good.
On a physical level, whilst it is impossible to shove your dread at death away into the recesses of your mind, keep it there for longer periods. Bring it out, confront it, but don't let it become your rationale...i.e. nothing matters cos we'll all be dead soon! That is an unhealthy raison d'etre and in my experience, one that will give you an unfulfilled life.
Whilst religion offers hope of a life after death, there is rather too much emphasis on 'faith' for my liking. We're not asked for 'faith' when we buy a house, car or are feeling unwell but when it comes to something important like eternal life we are told to have faith...hmmm.Therefore, searching for the answer here might also prove fruitless.
The best solution is to have focuses, many and varied in your life. The less time that I have to dwell, the happier I am. In the words of Andrew Marvell "let us at once our time devour, than languish in his time chap't power.." or something like that. In other words, seize the day.
We all hope that by talking about things that we realise that we're not alone but my advice would be to talk about this stuff with people who share your concerns. It's easy to become obsessed with death. I've been at it for a long time now. Yet, having just found this site I've had a weight lifted from my shoulders reading about people's experiences. Keep reading here and whilst we won't stop you dying, the bit inbetween may be better.

[Kelley]

Hey.
I ask the same questions you do pretty much every single day. I got myself in a little state of panic the other day when i sat there looking up and thinking, why am i here? If it is for a purpose, then what is the purpose of the purpose???! And if i'm here for the higher beings then how did they get there and how did the ones who put them there get there too??? It so did my head in that i came to the conclusion that we simply just go to sleep and that's all. The other alternative (that we are made to believe so often) just seems too magical and complicated to be real, so what is really the point? I have never been suicidal or anything, i am just absolutely terrified of life and desperately am trying to find the ultimate answer that will make it all wonderful and nothing to fear. I assume we all look for these same answers (which comes from faith) otherwise none of us would worry about death! I would recommend you read Dr Claire Weekes and talk to God (if it feels comfortable), if you ask for specific messages and calm you may just be in for a surprise when the questions are answered! If anything, it will give you the smallest bit of hope