Today’s headlines .........

[Lencoboy]

I've just checked the BBC site (including the Health sub-section) and there's nothing mentioned so far about the latest Bird Flu scare covered in the Mirror's linked article upthread.

[Lencoboy]

I've just checked the BBC site (including the Health sub-section) and there's nothing mentioned so far about the latest Bird Flu scare covered in the Mirror's linked article upthread.

Nothing about it on Sky News either when my dad was watching it about an hour ago.

[Lencoboy]

Well the Tories have had a right hammering in yesterday's local elections, but most spectacularly in the Blackpool South by-election which was previously held by a Tory MP since 2019 and prior to then since 1997 by a Labour MP.

Just demonstrates how the political climate/zeitgeist in this country has shifted significantly in the spate of 5 years, or even 3 years since the Tories were still leading in the opinion polls and winning local council and by-elections well into 2021, in spite of that year being the high point of Covid overall, with Johnson fever of the time (2019-21) now being nothing more than just a bad memory for many who were fooled by all the relentless hype surrounding him and that he wasn't quite all he was cracked up to be!

[Pain]

It’s A Bit Ironical....

The funniest comedy of yesteryear can no longer be laughed at because it’s literally seen as too offensive by the literal-minded. Here’s an old python’s-eye view....

‘“Whenever you’re doing comedy, you’re up against the literal minded and the literal minded don’t understand irony. And that means if you take them seriously you get rid of a lot of comedy because literal minded people don’t understand metaphors, they don’t understand comic exaggeration. They don’t understand it’s a joke“...’

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-e...-b2538998.html

And now for something completely different... This joke is rumoured to be the joke that got old-time comedian and all-round cheeky chappie Max Miller banned by the BBC....

I was strolling along a steep and winding mountain track. It was so narrow nobody else could pass. Then I saw this beautiful blonde walking towards me. A beautiful naked blonde lady with not a stitch on. Yes, not a stitch on! Cor blimey! I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage.

Ah yes, every joke has to have its butt, but in this instance maybe some folks couldn’t quite see the butt because their mind’s eye was fixed elsewhere.... Or perhaps they were simply coming at it from the wrong angle....? Whatever the reason, there must most certainly have been a butt!

[Pain]

The Milk Of Human Kindness?...

Would it be possible for me to have a pint of bull’s milk, please?...

No! It’s just not natural, so pull the udder one....

‘Why is a breastfeeding charity letting blokes with useless, milk-less nipples use its services?’...

https://www.spiked-online.com/2024/0...orwellian-lie/

... Maybe it’s trying to keep abreast of these modern, inclusive times?...

[Pain]

What The Hell’s The Meaning Of This?...

Computers are supposed to be ‘intelligent’(!) but they just can’t come to terms with punctuation!!!

‘Council says punctuation mark must go to suit computer databases, but grammar purists see signs of falling standards’....

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/...psets-resident

It’s a flamin’, flippin’, an’ dare I say it, ‘kin’ apostrophe catastrophe and a downright diabolical liberty... full stop! (But definitely not ‘period’...)

[Peter A]

Computers are smart.

Ever watched Demon Seed?

[Pain]

I Like Driving In My Car (parp-parp, beep-beep, tinkle-inkle-ink-ink)...

and somehow I doubt I could ever get used to the concept let alone the actual practice of being chauffeured around by some mechanised motoring maniac in an autonomous automobile.... Hey! I don’t even have satnav or bluetooth in my twenty-year-old jalopy, for crying out loud!... But I do have a considerable collection of AA road atlases.

‘The government's rules of the road for automated vehicles - which it says will "unlock a transport revolution" - are expected to be passed by parliament soon.’

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crgypzg4edvo

‘... this new technology interacts with and learns from real-world surroundings and environments.’

I’ve just seen the future.... A collision between a couple of these autonomous accidents-waiting-to-happen, with a pre-programmed, algorithm-based, road-rage response....

You stupid bleepin’ git! Look what you’ve done to me bleepin’ motor!

Don’t call me a stupid bleepin’ git, you bleep-bleepin’ blind ****hole!

Right, that’s it, you motorised crapheap! I’m gonna punch your bleepin’ lights out!...

[Peter A]

This guy was my cellmate for a week, back in 2014.

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/s...s-32721485.amp

Jesus. :(

[Pain]

Conservatives’ Cunning Plan Revealed!...

After losing popularity among voters and fearing a total wipeout at the next general election, Tory MPs have secretly been ordered to defect to current political darling buds of May, the Labour Party. As more and more Tories infiltrate Labour, effectively displacing the prospective parliamentary Labour candidates by being the sitting incumbents, Sir Keir Starmer will end up with a party comprising more than half Conservative MPs, who will then vote en masse to get rid of him as leader and replace him with one of their own...! It all seems so simple... maybe just a bit too simple...

‘Keir Starmer faces Labour anger after Tory MP's defection’...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-68980700

... But, y’know, it might, just might, work. I mean, now that there’s not a fag paper between the MPs’ politics of these two overtly centrist parties, we’ll never spot the difference!