My boss just accused me of self promotion because I used a screenshot with my name in it in a marketing animation I've made... I told her it was not intentional but I still feel really down about it.
I think she's scared that I will find better work, and she feels a bit out of control because I am using a video editing programme she doesn't have. I'm using my professional programme rather than iMovie so I can make a more professional standard film. She wants to rerecord the audio herself because my accent slipped from less than the queen's english in a part of the video. She called it 'tripping over words'. But then it will all go out of sync if she does it, and she wants to take over editing, so she'll probably edit the visuals in a really amateur way and it will all look wrong and I won't want my name on it.
She's being controlling... I'm asking myself if I am also being controlling but I don't think I am - I'm deferring decisions to her constantly. I'm trying to do the best I can. Frankly it's been really challenging to make this animation. Not everyone can do it. She can't do it. I would prefer to be appreciated and for my skills to be made use of than to feel somehow guilty that she doesn't have the same skills as me. She wants a hand in absolutely everything, she can't delegate responsibility well, and because of that the company will not be able to grow effectively. We'll be limited in what we can achieve.
And I feel really sad and demotivated because of all this. It's subtle controlling behaviour but it has such a big impact.
I met up with my friend yesterday who is learning through therapy to not accept other people's bad behaviour. We asked for directions and the man was scornful that we wanted directions in the city we live in, since they weren't from around here. He kept questioning us and my friend stood up to him in a way I never would have. I was trying to smooth it over and give him reasonable answers but she was quite direct in how she spoke to him and wanted to walk away once he'd made three scornful comments. The lady eventually showed us where to go on her phone... my friend was shaking with anger.
She showed me that you don't have to smooth things over. It's ok to stand up to people who are not being very nice. And being nice to people in the hope that they'll start being nice to you can just be a waste of time. Especially strangers. I don't know about my boss though. Don't know if I should bring up the controlling thing.