Worried my little boy has a brain tumour

[Button1]

Hi, I’ve not had to come on here for such a long time- I’ve been doing SO well after a really bad couple of patches just before and just after I had my children. I’ve really kicked my own HA but for some reason it is back but ENTIRELY focused on my youngest boy who is 9. I have to say he’s a very healthy kid, I don’t think he’s had a day off school this year and plays football for a local academy. He had a tricky start in life with 2 years of continuous bronchiolitis and then speech delay until he was 4. But since then he’s been amazing.

I’ve always been slightly anxious about him, I guess because of his start in life but in reality I’ve not needed to be. However a couple of years ago he had a period of blinking really rapidly saying his eyes were gritty. The pharmacist said it was allergies and prescribed eye drops and eventually it went away. This year it is back but also seems like his nose is really uncomfortable with post nasal drip too. The thing that made me go to the gp was the headache that went with it. The gp said it was allergic rhinitis. It’s a lot better now but occasionally he has a (short lived) headache (around 3 in a month) and it is freaking me out to a degree that I recognise isn’t normal. I can’t shake the feeling there’s something VERY wrong and now can’t even sit in the same room as him as it makes me so anxious. I ask him multiple times per hour if he’s ok. I’m worried I’ll pass on my HA but also just so worried there’s something serious happening.

What can I do?

Thanks for reading, it’s so nice to feel like there are people here who might understand.

[Button1]

I should say there aren’t any other particularly worrying symptoms. School say he’s always fine, he’s playing football as usual and appetite etc are good

[Lana]

Button1,

This is silly, allergic rhinitis makes eyes gritty and itchy, causes post nasal drip, and give a person headache. I have severe all year around allergies so I know.
There is absolutely nothing here that would lead up to what you are thinking. Your 9 year old son is absolutely fine. Try to shake that horrible thought off, please.

However, I want to tell you something more important: anxiety is actually hereditary: my late father had it, I have been suffering for years, and my son started getting symptoms when he was 16 years old. I know that my constant anxiety, OCD, and health anxiety and the fact that I never hid it from him, made him starting to present symptoms as well ( he had horrible,clinically diagnosed OCD, absolutely debilitating). Knowing how much I suffer, I did everything possible to prevent it becoming full blown in my child: he had three years of intense psychiatrist AND therapist treatment, plus anti depressant in dosage that the psychiatrist managed. I did not want him to be like me. Guess what: he is today, thank God, a healthy 25 year old WITHOUT anxiety and OCD! What I am trying to say to you, as a warning, is this: do not show your (irrational) fears in front of your son, do not talk about that, do not suggest you are overly worried, spare him that horror of being ridden by anxiety. It is hereditary, as I mentioned, but it can be prevented to develop.Many illnesses are hereditary, but children often do not get them , as simple as that. Please, please, do this why there is still enough time ( he is only 9, right?). Whenever he feels physically not OK, keep on telling him , and yourself, that is nothing serious, please. That is the best you can do for him.

And again - nothing what you mentioned sounds even remotely what your anxiety ridden mind is thinking. We keep on forgetting we are NOT doctors, doctors are doctors, and they will do something if they think something more is going on, not if we think that.

Wish you all the best,

Lana

[Button1]

Lana,

Thank you SO much. To be honest deep down i knew that whilst he was having a couple more headaches than usual there was an explanation for that, I just couldn’t stop my mind from spiralling, but I knew that that was happening even if the constant nag of the tumour anxiety wouldn’t go away.

I don’t remember huge amounts from my childhood but I remember I was ALWAYS at the doctors, so I wonder if to some extent my mum also had health anxiety. It’s not something we’ve ever talked about and my parents don’t realise I’ve had it to the point of being medicated. It got to the point yesterday that I couldn’t make eye contact with my son or be in the same room as him because I was so anxious about seeing evidence of another headache (he’s on day 3 without one and has played all day in a football tournament today which I assume wouldn’t be possible if something was really wrong). I’ve asked him CONSTANTLY how he is and how his head is, I am really worried about passing on my anxiety 😔 thank you so much for your advice. It all makes huge sense, I guess I’m so tired of having to battle 😔

[ErinKC]

I want to echo what Lana said. I agree with her that this all sound like allergies to me - I'd start to give him an allergy pill in the morning and make sure he's drinking a lot of water (the allergy pill always dries me out more). My 10 year old gets headaches all the time during allergy season or if she doesn't drink enough water or if she stays up too late, etc... But she's perfectly healthy.

As to Lana's other point about passing on anxiety - I cannot agree with her more! I also grew up with a health anxious mother who was constantly asking me if I'm ok, taking me to the doctor for small things, feeling my head for fever, keeping me from doing things for fear I'd be hurt, etc... I grew up without anxiety but mine hit when my own daughter was born. I had bad postpartum anxiety that morphed into a mirror of the anxiety I grew up watching in my mom. Thanks god, it only focused on me and never my daughter. I think I hated it happening to me so much that I subconsciously am the opposite with my daughter now - I brush off everything as no big deal because I'm so afraid of giving her health anxiety.

Another thing I do when my own anxiety is bad, though, is to always explain to her upfront that what I'm experiencing is an anxiety disorder where my brain misfires and creates a fear response even when there isn't actually anything to be afraid of. My anxiety isn't a product of an actual danger. I think this is so important because my mom never did this. She never explained to me that what she was experiencing wasn't normal. My therapist thinks that I internalized all that and grew up learning that the world was not safe and I should be worried about every little sensation I had. I think it probably would have been helpful if she had told me it was her being irrational, not me being in actual danger. So, I've been super open with my daughter for years about my anxiety and she seems to understand it so much better than I ever did as a child.

Another reason to try and stop checking in on him all the time is that to this day - I'm 41 - it stresses me out to be around my mom because I knew she's always watching me. We'll be on the phone and she'll be like - you sound nasally, are you sick? Or if I cough or sneeze she'll be like - are you ok? Are you sick? And it STRESSES ME OUT. I also avoid telling her about any problems I'm having because I know she'll panic and then call 100 times to check in and that makes me more stressed also. So, all this is to just give you extra motivation to try and get over this hump and not constantly ask your son how he is. Maybe explain to him that you have anxiety and it sometimes focuses itself on him because you love him so much, but you don't want to keep bothering him or worrying him, so that he should just come to you if he's feeling unwell and you'll work it out together.