harasgenster
25-02-11, 13:43
Hi
Been a bit anxious today after going out last night with some friends and some new people I hadn't met before. It was great night and I really enjoyed it but it left me with a bit of anxiety over my life.
I've been moaning for ages that life seems disappointing. I had high hopes when I was at uni and worked really hard to get good grades. I managed that but for the last four years since graduating I've been miserable in my work. I worked very hard at uni because I wanted to be able to get a job that would stimulate me. I'm not too bothered about cash, I just didn't want to be bored. But in reality I worked in admin for three years which I found dull then a writing job that I find almost as boring as that!
I dread every morning during the week and hate Sunday evenings knowing I have to do it again on Monday. I am grateful to have a job and often feel selfish wanting more, as I realise there's a lot of people who hate their jobs and get by and others that can't find work. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I'm disappointed. He tells me that everybody feels the same way.
But in reality, I don't think he's right. I think some people do enjoy their jobs and not everybody dreads work. Of the people I was out with last night, one had started out as a teacher (which she loved) then gone back to uni to study as a landscape artist (which she loves even more!) Another friend is a freelance creative writing tutor, which she seems to really enjoy and I think I would too (but funding is cut in schools so no point in trying now). Another friend is a filing clerk but doesn't dread work because she has made friends there and enjoys the social life (she has made friends in every job she has while I have made none).
But I feel like I'm never going to be able to enjoy work. The only thing I can think of that I'd enjoy is writing comedy or teaching creative writing as a freelancer. But the opportunities to do this kind of thing are very slim so there's no way out. I just feel trapped and disappointed with how life has turned out for me. I know it sounds like I'm just being spoilt, wanting more than a lot of people have, but I put in so much work because I wanted a fulfilling career (in fact I worked so hard I burned out and had a minor breakdown!) and I feel like I just can't have one.
Does anyone feel the same way about things? I hate the idea that I will be bored every day for the next 40 years. That sounds fatalist to me but that's how my boyfriend and parents tell me it is and that I shouldn't expect more. Do I just have to accept this? Is it only the very lucky and very rich that enjoy their jobs?
Been a bit anxious today after going out last night with some friends and some new people I hadn't met before. It was great night and I really enjoyed it but it left me with a bit of anxiety over my life.
I've been moaning for ages that life seems disappointing. I had high hopes when I was at uni and worked really hard to get good grades. I managed that but for the last four years since graduating I've been miserable in my work. I worked very hard at uni because I wanted to be able to get a job that would stimulate me. I'm not too bothered about cash, I just didn't want to be bored. But in reality I worked in admin for three years which I found dull then a writing job that I find almost as boring as that!
I dread every morning during the week and hate Sunday evenings knowing I have to do it again on Monday. I am grateful to have a job and often feel selfish wanting more, as I realise there's a lot of people who hate their jobs and get by and others that can't find work. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I'm disappointed. He tells me that everybody feels the same way.
But in reality, I don't think he's right. I think some people do enjoy their jobs and not everybody dreads work. Of the people I was out with last night, one had started out as a teacher (which she loved) then gone back to uni to study as a landscape artist (which she loves even more!) Another friend is a freelance creative writing tutor, which she seems to really enjoy and I think I would too (but funding is cut in schools so no point in trying now). Another friend is a filing clerk but doesn't dread work because she has made friends there and enjoys the social life (she has made friends in every job she has while I have made none).
But I feel like I'm never going to be able to enjoy work. The only thing I can think of that I'd enjoy is writing comedy or teaching creative writing as a freelancer. But the opportunities to do this kind of thing are very slim so there's no way out. I just feel trapped and disappointed with how life has turned out for me. I know it sounds like I'm just being spoilt, wanting more than a lot of people have, but I put in so much work because I wanted a fulfilling career (in fact I worked so hard I burned out and had a minor breakdown!) and I feel like I just can't have one.
Does anyone feel the same way about things? I hate the idea that I will be bored every day for the next 40 years. That sounds fatalist to me but that's how my boyfriend and parents tell me it is and that I shouldn't expect more. Do I just have to accept this? Is it only the very lucky and very rich that enjoy their jobs?