james24
17-02-11, 21:33
Hello everyone - after some Googling I found myself here, and really just want to have a conversation with some like-minded people who know what I'm currently going through, and hopefully find some comfort... Apologies for this long post!
I think I've always been a worrier to some extent, over-analytical, slightly obsessive when it comes to organisation/hygiene/etc., and illness scares me. I remember when I was a child I used to cry sometimes at the thought of death... Ridiculous I know, but still.
There's only been a couple of times that I can remember in my life as an adult when I've had periods of major anxiety - one of them was when I was ill and had been taking caffeine-infused flu remedies. The other was a brief period when I first hit my 20s, and Cocaine was very "happening" amongst my friends - of course, I tried it, and it made me crazy.
Last week, I had a very sudden feeling that I was going to pass out - dizzy, light-headed and shaky. It was so out of the blue and I hadn't previously been worried about anything, so I went to my local health centre, where I was quickly diagnosed with Labyrinthitis. I was given some antibiotics to get rid of any inflammation, but basically told I'd have to ride it out. HELL BEGINS.
Apart from the dizziness which actually hasn't been too severe, the anxiety is killing me.
I've been experiencing all the usual symptoms - tightness in my chest, weird sensations/vibrations all over my body, heart flutters, headaches, dizziness, general unrest but tiredness at the same time... It seems to be at its peak in the evening, where I get to the point of pacing back and forth contemplating my next move (e.g. dial 999!). Obviously I don't because deep down I know it's a waste of my time and theirs, so I accept that I have to just live with it until I get so exhausted that I fall asleep... I'm 24 and currently live with my mum, but unfortunately I don't find much comfort there as she is quite dismissive of anxiety attacks - her general advice being, "stop being ridiculous!" ... That's the thing with anxiety attacks - rationale goes out the window.
The most annoying thing, that I'm even aware at the time I'm doing but can't stop myself, is going on Google, typing in symptoms, and completely irrationally self-diagnosing. In the past week, I have diagnosed myself with; a brain tumour, an acoustic tumour, heart disease/blocked arteries, lung cancer, appendicitis, pancreatic cancer, and D.V.T.! I'm completely aware that this is sending my anxiety levels through the roof, but just cannot stop.
I went back to my health centre a few days ago and got my blood pressure checked and my heart/lungs heard, and everything was "normal". I actually slept better that night than I had all week (reassurance is bliss), but then the following day, the anxiety attacks kicked in again. It got so bad that day, and yesterday, that last night I went to A&E. I didn't tell my mum or any of my friends, so it was a scary experience being there alone. I was there for about 4 hours in total - I had an EKG test, blood pressure, and they listened to my heart/lungs. "You're fine, go home and get some sleep."
By the time I got home I felt so defeated that I just crashed out.
Today - same again. I'm simply at a loss as to how to control the anxiety... I've read on a few different websites that Labyrinthitis has a direct link with anxiety because of where the infection is - has anyone else suffered this or know anything about it?
Ultimately, I just want to feel normal. I don't want to be a worrier, I don't want my brain to be constantly consumed with thoughts of illness and death. My life is important to me and there's so much I want to do, but I currently feel like I've hit a wall because I can't concentrate on anything other than my anxiety, which just fuels it. It really is a vicious circle.
I had a really interesting conversation with my doctor a few days ago, about anxiety. He said that it's written in peoples genetic code. Some are simply more of a worrier than others, and it can go as far as defining your career path and the type of person you are - people who are more worried/anxious, tend to be more sensitive and may end up leading a more creative career path, such as an artist, musician, etc. Whilst those of us who don't worry or are more head/heart strong, may lead to more "manual" careers such as the armed forces or sport... Obviously this is a big generalisation but I do relate to it, as I'm an aspiring musician...
Bah! I'll stop there.
Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear back from you guys...
:)
I think I've always been a worrier to some extent, over-analytical, slightly obsessive when it comes to organisation/hygiene/etc., and illness scares me. I remember when I was a child I used to cry sometimes at the thought of death... Ridiculous I know, but still.
There's only been a couple of times that I can remember in my life as an adult when I've had periods of major anxiety - one of them was when I was ill and had been taking caffeine-infused flu remedies. The other was a brief period when I first hit my 20s, and Cocaine was very "happening" amongst my friends - of course, I tried it, and it made me crazy.
Last week, I had a very sudden feeling that I was going to pass out - dizzy, light-headed and shaky. It was so out of the blue and I hadn't previously been worried about anything, so I went to my local health centre, where I was quickly diagnosed with Labyrinthitis. I was given some antibiotics to get rid of any inflammation, but basically told I'd have to ride it out. HELL BEGINS.
Apart from the dizziness which actually hasn't been too severe, the anxiety is killing me.
I've been experiencing all the usual symptoms - tightness in my chest, weird sensations/vibrations all over my body, heart flutters, headaches, dizziness, general unrest but tiredness at the same time... It seems to be at its peak in the evening, where I get to the point of pacing back and forth contemplating my next move (e.g. dial 999!). Obviously I don't because deep down I know it's a waste of my time and theirs, so I accept that I have to just live with it until I get so exhausted that I fall asleep... I'm 24 and currently live with my mum, but unfortunately I don't find much comfort there as she is quite dismissive of anxiety attacks - her general advice being, "stop being ridiculous!" ... That's the thing with anxiety attacks - rationale goes out the window.
The most annoying thing, that I'm even aware at the time I'm doing but can't stop myself, is going on Google, typing in symptoms, and completely irrationally self-diagnosing. In the past week, I have diagnosed myself with; a brain tumour, an acoustic tumour, heart disease/blocked arteries, lung cancer, appendicitis, pancreatic cancer, and D.V.T.! I'm completely aware that this is sending my anxiety levels through the roof, but just cannot stop.
I went back to my health centre a few days ago and got my blood pressure checked and my heart/lungs heard, and everything was "normal". I actually slept better that night than I had all week (reassurance is bliss), but then the following day, the anxiety attacks kicked in again. It got so bad that day, and yesterday, that last night I went to A&E. I didn't tell my mum or any of my friends, so it was a scary experience being there alone. I was there for about 4 hours in total - I had an EKG test, blood pressure, and they listened to my heart/lungs. "You're fine, go home and get some sleep."
By the time I got home I felt so defeated that I just crashed out.
Today - same again. I'm simply at a loss as to how to control the anxiety... I've read on a few different websites that Labyrinthitis has a direct link with anxiety because of where the infection is - has anyone else suffered this or know anything about it?
Ultimately, I just want to feel normal. I don't want to be a worrier, I don't want my brain to be constantly consumed with thoughts of illness and death. My life is important to me and there's so much I want to do, but I currently feel like I've hit a wall because I can't concentrate on anything other than my anxiety, which just fuels it. It really is a vicious circle.
I had a really interesting conversation with my doctor a few days ago, about anxiety. He said that it's written in peoples genetic code. Some are simply more of a worrier than others, and it can go as far as defining your career path and the type of person you are - people who are more worried/anxious, tend to be more sensitive and may end up leading a more creative career path, such as an artist, musician, etc. Whilst those of us who don't worry or are more head/heart strong, may lead to more "manual" careers such as the armed forces or sport... Obviously this is a big generalisation but I do relate to it, as I'm an aspiring musician...
Bah! I'll stop there.
Thanks for reading and I'd love to hear back from you guys...
:)