LaNae
07-11-10, 18:06
I read a couple of books on biology last year as when I was at school I wanted to be a biologist. So I thought it might be useful to take it up as a sort of hobby.
One pop-science book I read briefly mentioned the BSE/CJD drama in the 90's. At that time I was too young to understand it so I ignored it, but now the thought that, potentially, a hidden danger could lurk in our food that we don't know about, that could kill us, wormed its way into my brain and I haven't been able to relax since.
Due to the subject that brought it up, my fear went mostly on meat. I was terrified to eat meat. I'm not a massive fan of it and was an on/off vegetarian before anyway, but today for instance I really fancied a bacon sandwich and couldn't let myself eat it incase I died. I'm fine with seeing others, including loved ones, eat meat- I feel as if they are fine because they are not me, that only I will get this thing and everyone else will be fine. Illogical!
But I can't bring myself to eat meat. It's such a shame. A few months ago the anxiety spread to dairy products, and I was vegan for two weeks. I was scared to death of having the tiniest bit of milk. In rabid hunger I ate a cheese sandwich and the fear went, and focused back on meat. Sometimes it latches onto pesticides in fruit and veg but I know if it does that I'll starve to death so I am just about keeping it at bay.
I really need advice, this is ruining my life. It's not that I am so desperate to eat meat at all, it's just having this horrible, disabling fear of some unknown, apocalyptic horror in my food! I am scared it will turn into a sort of anorexia. Please, please help me! I'm going nuts! :weep:
One pop-science book I read briefly mentioned the BSE/CJD drama in the 90's. At that time I was too young to understand it so I ignored it, but now the thought that, potentially, a hidden danger could lurk in our food that we don't know about, that could kill us, wormed its way into my brain and I haven't been able to relax since.
Due to the subject that brought it up, my fear went mostly on meat. I was terrified to eat meat. I'm not a massive fan of it and was an on/off vegetarian before anyway, but today for instance I really fancied a bacon sandwich and couldn't let myself eat it incase I died. I'm fine with seeing others, including loved ones, eat meat- I feel as if they are fine because they are not me, that only I will get this thing and everyone else will be fine. Illogical!
But I can't bring myself to eat meat. It's such a shame. A few months ago the anxiety spread to dairy products, and I was vegan for two weeks. I was scared to death of having the tiniest bit of milk. In rabid hunger I ate a cheese sandwich and the fear went, and focused back on meat. Sometimes it latches onto pesticides in fruit and veg but I know if it does that I'll starve to death so I am just about keeping it at bay.
I really need advice, this is ruining my life. It's not that I am so desperate to eat meat at all, it's just having this horrible, disabling fear of some unknown, apocalyptic horror in my food! I am scared it will turn into a sort of anorexia. Please, please help me! I'm going nuts! :weep: