Sex and anxiety...

[Desprate Dan]

Hello Folks,

I am sorry to bother you all again, but i am really trying hard to get to the roots of my anxiety so that i can try to and sort it all out...

I have shut myself away from the opposite sex because when ever i get into a relationship all i can think about is that she will be thinking about having sex and i just panic, as much as i want to have sex this massive wave of panic overcomes me and it just doesnt happen and has left me embarrased time after time, and because i am so self criticle i just beat myself up over and over about it (I even thought i must be gay) even though i have no feelings towards men.... What is wrong with me??????

I would love to have a loving caring female to look after cherish and love but as soon as it comes to sex, because of the failure i have been in the past i just clam up, which leaves them thinking i dont find them attractive or i must be gay... So i have shut myself away from getting involved altoghether but this just add's to the depression..

If only i could find a girl who really understands me and even if it takes 6 months 1 year before we have sex it doesnt mean i dont love them.. I just feel so criticle of myself why cant i just be like everyone else??

How can i find such a girl, just seems that all my relationships in the past have been a disaster and just added to my anxiety now i avoid them (not that any come along anyway) because of fear that it will just end the same...

I so want to be in love, and spend my time thinking and caring for someone, i am not bothered about looks, its whats in the heart that counts..

I just feel like i am just going to live my life alone and unhappy..


Dan

[beskiboo]

I think the best option is just to be honest. If you meet someone then tell them you'd prefer to take things slowly, then as you get to know them better explain why this is. It's really difficult to open up to someone about things like this, but trust me, it helps a lot just to be honest. If someone understands what issues and thoughts effect you then you're more likely to feel that you can relax around them when it comes to sex, if that makes sense?

I've probably been no help at all, but hope you work things out :)

[johnno]

i totally agree just tell them what you tell us :)

[Desprate Dan]

Thanks for the replies, i get so nervous around girls i just dont know what to say, and i think they sense this and shy away, i havent got many freinds and dont go out drinking so i dont know were i will ever meet anyone, or anyone who doesnt run a mile when i tell them i am a very and anxious and nervous person..

The thing that frightens me so much is the thing i want more than anything.....

Dan

[beskiboo]

Well I think anyone decent will support you, not run a mile. Have you maybe tried things like internet dating? That way it's not face to face immediately, and you will have a chance to explain yourself first? Obviously be careful, if you're meeting someone make sure it's in a public place and all of that!

I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 14, but it got much worse lately (I'm 20 now). The person that supported me the most was my boyfriend, and like you I thought that he would run a mile but he hasn't at all, if anything it's brought us closer together because he understands me more now. So I genuinely think that the person who's right for you will accept it as part of who you are and want to help you in any way you want them to.

[staypositive]

I agree with everybody else, anybody who was seriously interested in you, and what you could offer would accept you the way you are. If someone is in your life for the right reasons, they will always accept you for who you are, and anything like you've mentioned wouldn't be an issue to a decent, understanding female.

Confidence is hard to get mate, some people go through life and find they just have it, well thats fine. But to other people, getting complete confidence in who you are and what you do, can be a life long struggle.

If you're struggling to achieve confidence, may I advise listening to Paul McKenna? He does some good audio CDs and books, well worth checking out mate

I wish you well

Best wishes from another Dan, well, Danny :)

[pink17]

Hi Dan,maybe if u dont go out much you could try internet dating,i did this and i have met someone,their r some good well known dating sites.