gcl86
30-11-09, 19:30
just thought id share with you all how ive come since this has all started, feels good to vent this kind of thing and to tell people,hope you dont mind!!!
Iv consciously noticed my anxiety for the last 2-3 years but looking back at what ive called 'things' (symptoms,ie my feeling of panic,ocd type thoughts,scared to answer phones,scared of any level of confrontation,talking to females etc...)
i have done previously in my teens id say that ive had it since early teens without realising myself what it really was. i thought it was maybe just my character. ive been usually able to manage it myself in the passed but not anymore..
It came to a head when i was in a job i HATED, really hated about 6 months ago. It brought on severe panic and would worry about it constantly, i would just wander about during the day rather than going to work, to me it felt safer,sometimes i would walk miles without realising, also i like to stay in my flat alot, not going out to face things, just hide from it all where noone could touch me. My poor girlfriend kind of understands but not fully so it was hard for me to explain but this is no new thing in my family, my dad suffers really badly from depression/anxiety so my sister dragged me to the docs.
Id thought about going before but thought to myself its not an illness that they can see,only something im describing and was scared.
I could have asked for a more understanding doc that knew exactly, it felt a massive weight have been lifted just that someone understood.
I was put on citalopram which was hell in the first few weeks, made me more depressed and gave me suicidal thoughts which scared me and my girlfriend intensely.
Thanks to the support from my family and my girlfriend i have turned my entire life around and cant remember being this happy and not worrying about what i now see as irrational things. Iv mentioned this in another post but i realised i was getting better when i thought nothing one evening of picking up the phone and ordering take away food. Something ive not done for my girlfriend in 5 years ive been with her (or other things like order at a bar,ask for a bill etc..) I can remember the look on her face and she started crying, i realised then what id done and knew it was getting better!
I have a new career i am so so happy in and just back to loving life again.
I just wanted to put this up to maybe show and help some people see that sometimes it can be done and you can grasp your old self back, with time. And like i said i think it can make you feel so much better to let other people know your in a similar situation.
Still have some off days but then i think to myself, who doesnt! i just keep an anchor of how proud everyone is of me and how i am of myself when im feeling down to bring me out of that dark place and seems to be working so far im getting there.
Sorry for the essay guys:blush::blush::blush:
Iv consciously noticed my anxiety for the last 2-3 years but looking back at what ive called 'things' (symptoms,ie my feeling of panic,ocd type thoughts,scared to answer phones,scared of any level of confrontation,talking to females etc...)
i have done previously in my teens id say that ive had it since early teens without realising myself what it really was. i thought it was maybe just my character. ive been usually able to manage it myself in the passed but not anymore..
It came to a head when i was in a job i HATED, really hated about 6 months ago. It brought on severe panic and would worry about it constantly, i would just wander about during the day rather than going to work, to me it felt safer,sometimes i would walk miles without realising, also i like to stay in my flat alot, not going out to face things, just hide from it all where noone could touch me. My poor girlfriend kind of understands but not fully so it was hard for me to explain but this is no new thing in my family, my dad suffers really badly from depression/anxiety so my sister dragged me to the docs.
Id thought about going before but thought to myself its not an illness that they can see,only something im describing and was scared.
I could have asked for a more understanding doc that knew exactly, it felt a massive weight have been lifted just that someone understood.
I was put on citalopram which was hell in the first few weeks, made me more depressed and gave me suicidal thoughts which scared me and my girlfriend intensely.
Thanks to the support from my family and my girlfriend i have turned my entire life around and cant remember being this happy and not worrying about what i now see as irrational things. Iv mentioned this in another post but i realised i was getting better when i thought nothing one evening of picking up the phone and ordering take away food. Something ive not done for my girlfriend in 5 years ive been with her (or other things like order at a bar,ask for a bill etc..) I can remember the look on her face and she started crying, i realised then what id done and knew it was getting better!
I have a new career i am so so happy in and just back to loving life again.
I just wanted to put this up to maybe show and help some people see that sometimes it can be done and you can grasp your old self back, with time. And like i said i think it can make you feel so much better to let other people know your in a similar situation.
Still have some off days but then i think to myself, who doesnt! i just keep an anchor of how proud everyone is of me and how i am of myself when im feeling down to bring me out of that dark place and seems to be working so far im getting there.
Sorry for the essay guys:blush::blush::blush: