Depression + Anxiety! Really need some advice

[Worry-wart]

Hello. Looking for some helpful advice to get myself out of this hole that I'm in.

I lost the job of my life about 7 months ago just a week after buying a condo. Luckily I have been able to keep my self above water as I have a renter and my unemployment has been enough to cover my mortgage and utilities. Also Obama's first time buyers tax credit and unemployment extensions have saved my ass.

However, my mental and physical health have taken a downturn. I found out about 2 months ago that I have been overdosing on my Levothyroxine (full thyroidectomy about 15 years ago). I have also developed mild depression and I think I have also developed some form of anxiety about looking for work. I usually go to sleep feeling hopefull and excited for the next day, but I wake a lot earlier than normal with mild palpitaitons and butterflies. I try desparatly to return to sleep, sometimes succesfully but not for very long. I find my self exibiting avoidance to looking for work. I do anything BUT look for work.

I'm sure that the overdoseing did not help, but as my levels have normalized I still see myself in the same behavior patterns. I have yet to redo my resume, which I haven't sent out in months. I have not had call one obviously as no oe knows I'm looking. Even as the doomsday looms ever closer when the money will run out, it seems only my anxiety increases and not my motivation. I have tried removing my self from the house as often as possible, which really improves my mood a lot but my motivation still has the breaks on.

If anyone out there has any advice on how to break this cycle please help.

Thanks,
Eric

[doorbell]

Hi Eric

I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice because I'm in a similar "boat" to you. Just to let you know that I feel exactly the same, are you taking any medication to help you get through this?

Doorbell

[mystic3178]

Hi Guys..

Prior to 'crashing' out from my part time job in the Rescue Services, I was experiencing similar symptoms of palpitations and butterflies in the stomach. As it turns out, I was suffering from stress which was bringing on the anxiety. I was given beta blockers to help and told to rest but it wasn't really working so I started googling and came across this site. Having just listened and looked at the post, I got interested in the Dr Claire Weekes information.

I've been listening to the mp3 files and trying out her technique and found it very helpful but it does take patience and time. It seems the secret is 'Accepting the thoughts that come into your head' in order to limit the fear whihc brings on the anxiety. I've found that I have a more positive outlook on things. I also had the lack of motivation but find now that I'm more willing to go out to places that i didn't normally want to go.

It does take time which is why you have to be patient and work at it so if you are willing, why not give it a go.

Mystic3178

[Worry-wart]

Hi Eric

I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice because I'm in a similar "boat" to you. Just to let you know that I feel exactly the same, are you taking any medication to help you get through this?

Doorbell

It's funny that you mention that because I was probably taking the wrong medication for this. I was given Lorazapam to help with the panic attacks originally. I soon started taking it therapeutically until I discovered that because of it's dependence causing and extremely short half life it is the perfect trap for abuse. It was great while I was on it but I have since tapered off of it and I think I am still feeling some of its withdrawals.

It's kind of screwed up my perspective on where I'm at mentally. How much of it is withdrawals, is lingering effects of thyroid levels or joblessness and mortgage concerns. I think once I've given it a few more weeks maybe I'll have a clearer picture.

I know from past unemployment bouts, I have a tendency to fall into a deep lack of motivation especially to finding work. I'm not sure why as I really interview well. It has something to do with avoidence of my working n my resume and sending it out. I will look for things to do to make me forget that I need to do this. It seems so simple to just open the file and start editing or spend 30 minutes of searching gob sites and emailing the damn thing. I can't place the feeling I'm avoiding but I think it has a lot to do with self criticism and the printed word. I have tried half-assed attempts to send it a few (and I mean ONLY a few) times, with obvious results.

I feel the end of unemployment payments coming but only the worry increases. I know if I don't get past this or luck into a job that I'm going to loose my first home after it took me 42 years to get it.

Look out Mom here I come :ohmy:

I don't want to medicate if I can manage as I have no insurance and need to keep what cash buffer I have in the bank. Thanks Mystic. I'll look into Dr Claire Weekes audios, hopefully there will be something in there about motivational issues and self criticism which I'm not 100% sure is an anxiety issue but is an underlining cause.

[Worry-wart]

I have noticed something interesting. When I think about what I need to do I feel worried, but as soon as I hear that voice in my head saying "You really don't need to do this today", I suddenly feel euphoric and stress melts away. I feel like I am becoming addicted it like a drug.

[Jaco45er]

Hiya Eric

The Claire Weekes advice from mystic is something I would recommend too.

Procrastinating is something that goes hand in hand with depression. Motivation is zapped and you really can't be bothered to sort things out even though you are worried.

Firstly, I would say that when you wake, don't battle to get back to sleep, get up and do something, read, TV, walk, even if you feel tired later. I have always found that battling to get back to sleep only makes you more tense and worried.

You talk about feeling euphoric when your mind cuts you some slack by saying you don't need to do this today, but you know it will eventually bite you in the backside (hard fact, sorry ;)).

Now I am not sure what will get you that motivation back, people are different, and for me it was exercise that put the twinkle back in my toes but what I do know is, once you sit down and do that CV (resume for you guys over that side of the pond ;)) that will give you a sense of achievement, and who knows, uephoria.

It's all about little steps mate, getting back into "life" but you can do it mate, just give yourself a little task to complete each day and work on making them bigger tasks.

Good luck

Jaco

[Worry-wart]

Thank you Jaco,

Encouraging words. The urge to give in and forget my worries are so strong. Going back to sleep when I wake early is part of that. Unfortunately I'm really good at getting back to sleep. So it isn't so much of a struggle. But you are right. I need to wake when my mind wakes. The days that I have woken early to start the day are my best but it's that struggle in those first moments where I start to feel the weight of life on me. I just wish I could be positive in the morning but I don't think I have ever been heh. I guess that is why I'm a night owl.

I will start focusing on this and my resume (CV).

Eric