Laura6544
06-12-08, 00:01
3 months ago I was at work, I'm in sales, I was having a great day even though my job is stressful and has got worse over the past six months due to management changes. Everything was fine when I started to feel dizzy, I felt like I was drunk, this progressed to feeling faint then heart thumping, by this time I'm worrying somethings wrong with me, I end up in tears and my partner has to come and fetch me from work, I take 2 days off spending most of this time asleep as I'm exhausted and I put it down to a virus. Cut to a month later and my partner has a motorbike accident, obviously alot of stressful things happen that I won't go into here, work were very unsympathetic and the doctor signs me off work with stress for 8 weeks. I returned to work a week ago, everythings fine but then bang, out of the blue I get the dizzy fainting thing again, this time I have a strong urge to flee work, I have to get away, I tell my boss whilst sobbing, he doesn't know what to make of me and I go home. Saw the doctor and she tells me to get a paper bag and breath into it and go back to her if it happens again.
My partner suffers from Bi Polar disorder but happily for the past 18 months has been ok, previous 10 years have been a nightmare of highs (disapppearing, drunk, getting into fights, manic, unpredictable behaviour) followed by lows (tears, suicidal thoughts, paranoia) and back again. Looking back I've found that I've spent most of the last few years desperately worried about him, I'd come home from work and he'd be gone and wouldn't turn up till early hours if at all, sometimes ending up in hospital. I think now that I have had anxiety for ages and now these panic attacks have started I've also discovered that my mum suffers from them, I hate it and I'm so angry. I'm most angry about the fact thats its affecting one of the things I love the most, horse riding. I broke my back 3 years ago after a bad fall but had decided to take it up again recently on doctors advice to combat my stress, problem is now I find panic starts and this is debilitating, not least because horses feel fear and I'm almost creating the thing I'm fearing ie spooking the horse by my fear. What an awful vicious cycle! Sorry this has been a massive rant and thankyou to anyone who has read it all, the therapy was in the writing I think!
My partner suffers from Bi Polar disorder but happily for the past 18 months has been ok, previous 10 years have been a nightmare of highs (disapppearing, drunk, getting into fights, manic, unpredictable behaviour) followed by lows (tears, suicidal thoughts, paranoia) and back again. Looking back I've found that I've spent most of the last few years desperately worried about him, I'd come home from work and he'd be gone and wouldn't turn up till early hours if at all, sometimes ending up in hospital. I think now that I have had anxiety for ages and now these panic attacks have started I've also discovered that my mum suffers from them, I hate it and I'm so angry. I'm most angry about the fact thats its affecting one of the things I love the most, horse riding. I broke my back 3 years ago after a bad fall but had decided to take it up again recently on doctors advice to combat my stress, problem is now I find panic starts and this is debilitating, not least because horses feel fear and I'm almost creating the thing I'm fearing ie spooking the horse by my fear. What an awful vicious cycle! Sorry this has been a massive rant and thankyou to anyone who has read it all, the therapy was in the writing I think!