minihaha
01-10-08, 23:46
hello everyone. My story is i have always been a bit of a "highly strung" person, volatile moods etc. Four years ago i experienced panic attacks for the very first time and anxiety disorder on quite an extreme level and this led me to being signed off work for 11 weeks in 2004. During my absence from work, i took all the support and advice offered to me by my GP and Occupational Health Unit and i also saw a counsellor. I was also on a very low doseage of citalopram for about 6 months. I returned to work after my 11 wk absence and have coped pretty well for the last 4 years. I do find that each day there is a small battle with myself and my inner anxiety and normally i win, by that i mean i can talk myself round, calm myself down and generally get on with the job in hand. its not been easy by any means but its not been unbearable either. I guess i just became used to anxiety controlling my life to a certain extent and hindering my quality of life.........in that i feel i can never commit to events or trips or nights outs bcos i never "know how i will feel" i know anyone reading this will understand exactly what i mean.
So until now things seemed under control, ok i had to work hard at it but i was getting there, putting into place all the survival tactics i had exercised, all the relaxation techniques i had learned etc etc..........until last wkend out of the blue whilst driving on the motorway panic seized me, felt my throat constricting, in absoulute fear of my life and i honestly felt my only way out was driving my car into the central reservation, i couldnt cope with the rush or traffic on either side of me and i just felt so scared and i felt my control slipping through my fingers. I had to leave the motorway at the next exit and sit in a service station for over 3 hours until my husband could come and meet me and take me home. With hindsight i realise it was a panic attack and i was not going off my head............ My worry now is that i am always going to be prone to these little "episodes" of anxiety, out of the blue - i could be fine for days , weeks and months and the suddenly without warning i am in panic mode. I have a happy marriage, good career and no obvious worries, i see my counsellor once a fortnight, i take regular physical exercise and make sure i have my "me time" after a heavy week at work. I am terrified that no matter what i do to combat this panic, it will always be there, crouching on the sidelines and will just grab me without warning. We are hoping to start a family soon (we have fertility probs so that might be what is causing this) but i just hate that no matter what i do or whatever investment i work at to work against this panic , it still gets me when i least expect it.
I feel 10% times better just to write that down xxxxxxxxxx
So until now things seemed under control, ok i had to work hard at it but i was getting there, putting into place all the survival tactics i had exercised, all the relaxation techniques i had learned etc etc..........until last wkend out of the blue whilst driving on the motorway panic seized me, felt my throat constricting, in absoulute fear of my life and i honestly felt my only way out was driving my car into the central reservation, i couldnt cope with the rush or traffic on either side of me and i just felt so scared and i felt my control slipping through my fingers. I had to leave the motorway at the next exit and sit in a service station for over 3 hours until my husband could come and meet me and take me home. With hindsight i realise it was a panic attack and i was not going off my head............ My worry now is that i am always going to be prone to these little "episodes" of anxiety, out of the blue - i could be fine for days , weeks and months and the suddenly without warning i am in panic mode. I have a happy marriage, good career and no obvious worries, i see my counsellor once a fortnight, i take regular physical exercise and make sure i have my "me time" after a heavy week at work. I am terrified that no matter what i do to combat this panic, it will always be there, crouching on the sidelines and will just grab me without warning. We are hoping to start a family soon (we have fertility probs so that might be what is causing this) but i just hate that no matter what i do or whatever investment i work at to work against this panic , it still gets me when i least expect it.
I feel 10% times better just to write that down xxxxxxxxxx