think i'm gonna go insane

[andy_uk]

Hi everyone this is gonna be fairly long so you may wanna go get a cup of tea/coffee lol.

I have suffered with anxiety since i was 16 however it did "go away" for a long while it did come back though but it seems to have come back fiercer than it was before.

It started when i was washing pots one day and was staring out the window then i got this feeling that i couldn't breathe and had the most horrible panic attack ever and since that day the anxiety has been back.. Shortly after that happened i started worrying about my health a lot and my wifes grandad died around the same time so that kind of didn't help as then i started worrying about me dying too it makes me feel like i am such an idiot.

I have had so many lows over the years it has been unreal and have attempted suicide a few times also which is ironic for someone who is scared stupid of dying. Shortly after this panic attack i had and me starting to worry about my health i got a bad stomach in the sense of i could only eat chicken and potatoes or i was running to the loo as fast as my legs would carry me.

This went on for a long time but finally subsided and "went away" when i moved homes. Shortly after we moved homes i hit a major low point and felt like it wasn't worth it all which as you can see wasn't successfull or this would be on a haunting website or something never heard of a ghost with anxiety.

Since then i have had panic attacks where i shake, i feel like i can't breathe, my lips, tongue and fingers go numb my skin feels like it starts burning in the centre of my chest and then just radiates outwards. Then most recently the running to the loo after i eat has started again and i feel like i am shaking and my heart is gonna pound out my chest all the time this was braught on again when i went to my wifes birthday party had been drinking then my brother in law convinced me to go to town to a nightclub with them biiig mistake i have a major fear of big places where i don't know/trust people but the beer seemed to make me a little braver than normal and i went.

I got into the nightclub and stood at the edge of the dancefloor and could feel the beat of the music in my chest and that was that on comes the panic attack eyes started flying all over the place thinking someone was gonna hurt me my heart started pounding the shaking started and that was me running to the toilets and ill again.

The day after my wife says to me we need to talk and i knew right then it was something bad and said to her it's over aint it she says yeah i don't love you anymore and i want you to leave. I was gutted as anyone would be but called my dad and asked if i could stay there and was told no you can't and thanks for ruining my holiday before i got on the plane.

Since then i can't even eat everytime i do i run to the toilet i constantly feel like i'm just somewhere else or like i'm gonna fall down i'm shaking all the time too. I have been to the docs and she gave me some new tablets instead of the ones i was on took me to the chemist to get them and then took me home due to me feeling like i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up.

I just need to calm myself down and don't know how to i don't know if any of you will understand what i mean but if you have ever been in a situation where you are gonna be in a fight and you get that shaky feeling and your heart starts pounding i seem to be like it all the time. I just need some advice on how to calm down i have tried allsorts but just can't calm myself down i go to sleep feeling like it and within minutes of me waking up i'm like it again.

[Hope 2]

Hi Andy

I hope you feel better for getting things off yr chest, it can help sometimes. This place is the best for helping out each other.

Have you had any therapy for your probs? Anxiety can get such a grip and make us miserable, but it can be overcome.

Best of wishes
Cheery bye
Hope xx

[andy_uk]

The only therapy i have ever had was with a phsyciatrist (sp) around 9 years ago who made me feel as though it was my fault for the things that happened to me as a child. Since then i have not had any type of therapy due to me not wanting to be made to feel like that again by them.

[mila]

Hi Andy,
i really hope u feel better soon, i know what it feels like and it is not good, i know we wouldn't wish it on anyone. I know it feels like it will never end. But it will.
Psychiatrist can do that to you, i saw one for quite a long time in the beginning and it didn't lead anywhere, and she often made me feel bad.
But the worse thing is the fear it put into you about getting therapy. There are so many different therapies these days for anxiety.
I have to tell you, I was really shocked when i read your fathers reaction after your wife left you, it is just terrible. That can really be a blow.
Have you ever tried relaxation, i think for you it might be dificult for now to do it yourself, because of how bad you feel, but maybe a form of hypnotherapy relaxation would be a good idea. And you don't have to worry about anyone making u feel bad again.

[Hope 2]

Hi Andy

I am sorry to hear about how previous counselling made you feel. I guess I asked you about therapy cos I wondered if you had ever had any help to try to discover why you might have these problems. I feel that if we know why we are like we are, we can address the issues and recover. I have had lots of CBT, it worked wonders for the acute symptoms like some you describe. I felt fear like never before and it's hideous, it's the old fight or flight.........you can be free of this Andy, it's a matter of finding out what is the right treatment for you.

I understand how being like this makes you feel as a person, and you certainly aren't an idiot. It robs us of self - esteem and makes us feel worthless. Lots of folk here will relate and understand what you are going through. Keep posting and you will see.

Regards
Hope xx

[andy_uk]

Thanks for the replies.. I have never tried the relaxation thing before but it may be worth a go i'd be happy for my heart to stop feeling like it's trying to evacuate my body today it has just felt like it has been racing all day i don't think it helps that i'm still living in the same house as my wife and there is a lot of tension in the house. She used to be very sympathetic of the feelings i am having but more recently she says she is sick of having to put up with it i just wish it would go away.

[Cleo]

Hi Andy,

Your OK. First of all your making sense i.e. your are NOT rambling on and on. Second if you where in the heigh of your panicc when you wrote that..good news it doesn't sound too bad! As u might know when you have a panic attack adrenaline is released and this effects your motor skills e.g. typing, writing, putting make up on etc. Although I'm not sure how much experience you have of make up wearing so ignore that one may be! So as you've probably worked out your adrenaline isn't pumping that much. However you do sound upset and things don't sound like they are going to well for you. Sounds like you have been throught two major things moving and rejection. Anybody would feel massively stressed by these things. So again good news..your normal. Ok yeah some people are more vulnerable characters than others me included but wouldn't the world be boring if we were all the same! Hopefully I've been some help so far one more thing that helps me apart from this website is when I feel anxious give it a rating out of 10. 10 is extremely anxious 1 is a tiny bit anxious. Once you've rated it try and breath in through your nose for 7 seconds and out for 11 seconds. Sounds silly but what it does is slows down your nervous system so you release less adrenaline and start to feel nice and relaxed. Having a laugh also helps I've got a story like your club one but I was on a plane feeling ok relaxed from my hols so had a few drinks which I never normally do. A kid started screaming and this coupled with me being a nervous flyer set me off. Ran off to loo came back and got in my seat tided it all up put the blanket away put seat up etc. Then this bloke suddenly goes erhh sorry about this but your in my seat. I was so embarressed! I'd put all his stuff away and everything! I apologised profusely and luckily he laughed. How much of an idiot am I! But then whats new!

Lol Cleo

[keepemlaughing]

Sorry to hear about your problems. Hopefully you will take some well heeded advice and seek therapy again. This site is very helpful for venting.
Take care.