Never thought I'd be posting a message like this...

[07sundays]

Hi everyone. Im 24 and have little girl who is nearly 2.

I believe I have anxiety as I have all the classic symptoms but the doctor says it too early to label it as that.

Basically about 6 weeks ago (though it feels like months) I decided to take a green tea diet tablet one sunday eveing. Unknown to me it had 200mg of caffiene. I flet really dizzy and my pulse went to 150 under 5 minutes, so we called an ambulance. I thought my heart would explode.

Now I will never forget that feeling I had during this. The feeling of DEATH. I would never see my child again or the man I loved. It was the worse feeling. I ended up having a panic attack as soon as I got back from A&E. For days after I couldnt breathe properly and couldnt sleep. Constantly forcing myself to breathe and worried about heart attack.

Since then I've turned into a total freak. I am obsessed with death. I wont go near cigarettes, alcohol or even take my pill as I am terrified of anything going int my body that has an uncontrollable effect. I used to love horror movies but will not go near one now. I used to love psycholgy but hate it, as Im terrified of losing my mind and dont want anyone to control my mind.
Ive talked myself into being scared of trains and planes, but did force myself to get on both. On holiday at disney I had panic attacks on rides- rides for kids! The cinema scares me now.I am scared of sleeping as I occasionally have gotten sleep paraylsis and dont want it back. I keep having to take in deep breathes. Sometimes I think I cant swallow anymore. Once day I even convinced myself to be scared of chewing gum incase I choked to death! I can't watch the news anymore as I feel if I hear it all the bad things they takl about might happen to me. The worst was the day I thought I might have no control and hurt my child and myself like my body was possesed. I think if I even look at the word.. death something bad will happen.

IM SCARED OF EVERYTHING

Im obsessed with anxiety and death. iIlie there thinking what if I go to hell?What will that moment of death be like? How can I bare not being with my child and partner once I die. What if Im a ghost? I know its pathetic and crazy.I can barely think normal thoughts. I am terrified my partner will leave me as I must be horrible to live with.

The thing is... I KNOW this is all irrational. I just want to me be again. How have I gone from happy, normal, ambitous me always laughing and relaxing... to this? I want ME back.

[milly jones]

hi hun

anxiety is all about irrational fears and how we deal with them.

its a horrible illness and hopefully as uve been to ur gp early for help it may not be as devistating as ignoring it and burying ur head in the sand

if it were me i would push for some cbt therapy as sometimes there are waiting lists. you can always cancel if u feel u no longer need them. these sessions would help u to change ur behaviour to those fears and thus alter ur irrational thinking. it does however rely on commitment and the strenth to face ur fears.

aside from that, welcome to nmp and i hope u receive support and empathy here

best wishes milly xx

[07sundays]

Hi Milly

Thanks. The doctor wants to give me a little more time as it is so soon, to see how I cope before the next stage. I am trying hynotherapy in the meantime.

Btw when I said "Pill" I meant contraceptive pill, not drugs incase anyone is wondering!

[milly jones]

hey i take antidepressants to help, no shame in medication if its what u need hun.

take care

mil xx

[07sundays]

Hi Milly

I am not sure about that route. I have had depression a few times and and avoided meds and got better. Anxiety is something a lot worse though.there is no shame in taking meds at all, its just somethings I would rather not do personally if I can

[milly jones]

sorry hun didnt mean to upset u

its just that i need the meds to keep well

sorry to offend

milly x

[Cathy V]

Hi there, and sorry you're feeling so bad just now. You mentioned the attack came on after the herbal pill which contained caffeine, could it not be that you react badly to this? has it ever happened before after drinking coffee or coke? Its a well known fact that some ppl can react to caffeine with a racing/skipping/ectopic heart and a spaced out feelings, which is why we can buy decaf tea and coffee, and 200mgs is alot of caffeine for your system in one sitting.

Please dont let the effects of this reaction and the extreme panic attack that came with it catapult you into the loop if fearing the synptoms of panic. You're in with a head start really as its only been 6 weeks, so you should be able to talk your way out of it with a therapist, or with ppl on this forum.

Please try to accept that what you're now experiencing is most probably anxiety and you havent got a damaged heart and as time goes on non-acceptance will become 'learned' behaviour and will be harder to undo.

Maybe you just need to avoid caffeine, and maybe just buy the green tea as a drink as it comes without it.

Take care
Cathy :)

[Nibbles]

Hi 07Sundays and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time and hope you feel better soon. :hugs: I was told by a counsellor that if you think you're going mad then you aren't because people who are mentally unwell don't realise. I hope that helps to reassure you a little.

Take care,

Mike :)

[chalky]

Hi 07Sundays,

Welcome to the Forum.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You will get loads of support and advice here.
Best wishes,
Chalky

[Emira7]

Hi
Just to echo what Cathy has said re:caffiene, I have given up tea coffee fizzy drinks all together due to ectopics/anxiety. That level of caffiene could really upset your balance.

You will get tons of great advice on here

Welcome to NMP

Emira

[Lilith1980]

Hi 07sundays

Welcome to NMP :)

Jo xxxxx

[Butterfly-xox]

Your not alone, i cant watch horror movies anymore either. Dont be afraid of your thoughts because they are normal when you have anxiety, even people without anxiety have them but they ignore them,it doesnt effect them because they dont react to them. What really helped me is i have a physcologist and do CBT. I also went to a naturalpath, if your worried about taking meds then that should be easier for you. all natural supplements that take the edge off anxiety, i also refuse to take meds. You can talk on here about all your worries and everyones here for you. good luck msg me if you have any questions

[Lindalou64]

Hello Emily And Welcome....wish Ya Well.............linda

[snodsmum]

Hi I Soo Know How You Feel...i Hada Panic Attack While In Spain I Thought I Was Dying I Just Wanted To Run Away. The Hosp Were Brill They Suggested I Got My Thyroid Checked I Did And It Was Normal.. Last Night I Had A Glass Of Coke And Guess What Heart Racing Eptopics , It Gets You So Scared And Im Constantly Checking Pulse Its A Nightmare, I Find If I Try And Keep Busy Im Fine. Ive Got A Physical Job As A Sport Massage Therapist. Have You Tried Relaxation Tapes They Are Good. I Am Trying To Cut Down On Caffine But I Like My Tea..... You Are Not Alone Take Care ..tracey.x

[weeble40]

Hi and a big welcome to NMP its great to have you here, hope to see you in chat sometime,

Take care

Emma xxx

[kittyk]

Hello and welcome...hope things can change for you soon.Try CBT, it can work

[rainwave]

You are not alone here. I know that seems not to help much but you are not alone. There is lots of ways to work this out. From synthetic pharmaceuticals to natural modalities. There are some things you can do right now that is safe. Exercise is a great way to release some chemicals in your body that help with claming the nerves. I know you had a bad experiment with tea, but skullcap mixed with valerian or chamomile is a good nerve tonic and is safe. Also rescue remedy when you are in panic mode seems to help sometimes as well. This is a good start. Get help and when you are in panic mode know that it will pass. Hang in. Watch Sense and Sensibility and eat some peanut butter with raisons and a Banana!!

Rainwave