veebee
29-04-08, 12:54
Hi, just looking for some feedback and (hopefully) some reassurance. I am new to this and I am so worried about having MS and feel that my life has just stopped dead. Apologies that this is such a long post but so much has been happening.
Last November, after dummy fighting with my partner (where he grabbed me by the arm), I noticed my left arm felt a bit sore – just at the upper arm (there was a little dark bruise on it), almost like a tight band round the arm. My left hand also didn’t feel right – not sore, but a bit numb and ‘fizzy’. I also noticed that when I was using the laptop at home (the kind that has one of those internal mouse things) the fingers on my right hand would get a bit crampy and stiff. (I work at a PC all day so maybe going home and using the laptop to surf the web for and hour and half every night isn’t the best thing to do..)
After doing some internet research (what a big, big mistake) I realised it could either by a trapped nerve or MS – and guess which of the two seemed more likely to me? I panicked and then tried to be rational about it, so I went to the doctor. He told me it was a trapped nerve – advice was take some ibuprofen. I didn’t bother (I don’t usually like to take any painkillers), the pain wasn’t that bad (more annoying) and I thought it would go away. It did, but then in Feb, the left hand felt a bit numb/tingly again. Again after reading up about MS on the web, I went back to the doctor (saw a different doc this time) and she said she thought it was still a trapped nerve – and to take ibuprofen. She did quite a thorough physical exam and said everything looked normal. I mentioned at that point (and I know I mentioned this because of my ‘research’ on MS) that I very occasionally got that restless legs thing at night – she looked really alarmed and said that I would need to get that investigated if it continued. This really scared me and more or less confirmed for me that I had MS.
The numbness subsequently went away, but halfway through March (after a particularly stressful period at both home and work) it came back – and this time it was both my hands, some of my fingers (thumb, index and middle felt stiff and swollen and it was for around 4 days). It wasn’t like I couldn’t use my fingers, or couldn’t feel them or they looked swollen – they worked perfectly fine – they just felt weird, like they were someone else’s hands from the wrist down. I went absolutely crazy. I did more reading on MS on the web – so scary. I told my partner I thought I had MS and he tried to reassure me but told me I needed to go to the doctor and get checked out. I spent the weekend crying and researching the subject. I ended up hysterical one night – and as I cried and got more and more upset, the numbness and pins and needles travelled into both my feet.
Next day I went to the doctor (and saw a different doctor again). I told her straight out that I was worried about MS – she said ‘gut feeling…no – symptoms aren’t typical, it’s jumping about too much’. Then she looked up my file from the last time I was at the doctor and told me that during my visit in Feb, the doc had noted ‘MS query query query’ on my file as a possibility. She explained the ‘query query query’ bit meant ‘highly unlikely’ - but it had crossed her mind. The doctor then seemed to get really excited by this, and she started talking about how the other GPs in the practice have MS patients, and if I was diagnosed with it, would I come back and be her patient? I was totally shocked by her reaction. She seemed really thrilled at the thought of having her own little MS afflicted pet. I asked to be referred to a neurologist and left the surgery in a complete state. My partner said there was no way I was waiting for 6 months and we would do it privately. I phoned the doctor back and asked for a letter for a private referral – she told me it would cost thousands (it doesn’t) and that ‘why didn’t I wait for an NHS referral and I could spend my money on a nice holiday once I was diagnosed?’ I was devastated by this.
I can’t describe the state I was in – words just can’t cover what was going on in my head at that point. I felt absolutely ill, like my whole world had just completely collapsed. I started obsessively researching MS on the web once more. It’s been meltdown every since. I’ve even had my partner and my mum in tears (not something either of them are prone to) at the thought of me having a progressive illness. I had a really horrendous week after the GP visit where I had all of the symptoms below -
Pins and needles – everywhere in my body
Aches and pains
Numbness/pins and needles in hands and feet
Random muscles twitches going off everywhere in my body
Sore back – at small of back and around neck and shoulders
Racing heart
Dry mouth
Thirsty
Feeling freezing
No appetite and ‘choking’ when I tried to eat
Shaking and deep trembling sensation
Random burning sensations
Itchy
Stiff fingers – on same fingers of both hand
A horrible feeling of overwhelming, intense, terrifying fear, that I was going to die
Feeling of being ‘pressed down’ when lying in bed
Blurry vision – this sounds mad, but it only seems to happen when I’m in work…..
Buckling knees
A feeling of being totally removed from real life
Breathless
Toothache/jawache
Feeling like my tongue is too big for my mouth and its affecting my speech
‘Cracking’ in my joints
Ache at the inside of my eye (where bone is), going into side of my nose/brow/forehead
I’ve been at A & E (the doctor there reckoned anxiety, or at worst, rheumatoid arthritis – apparently symmetrical symptoms are indicative of the latter), had full bloodwork done (all clear), a diabetes test (clear) and seen another 2 doctors in addition – both of whom weren’t concerned, saying that what I was presenting with didn’t give them any indication that I was seriously ill. One of them said he was convinced anxiety was the problem and directed me to an NHS anxiety website – www.glasgowsteps.com (http://www.glasgowsteps.com/) - which I did find reassuring. I was prescribed a low dose of beta blockers (Half Inderal, which I’m still taking) and to be honest they helped immediately – if my symptoms during that week were at 100% I would say that I now only feel 10% of them – sometimes only 5% on a good day. Things come and go.
It didn’t last though. I decided I still wasn’t convinced by the anxiety thing so I paid to see a neurologist. He did a really thorough physical exam (pricking me with needles, bending my toes back and forward while and shut my eyes and told him which direction they were being bent in, checking reflexes, checking my eyes, making my balance on one leg and then another, making me walk a straight line etc etc) and asked me about everything that had happened. He told me that it was unlikely that I had MS and that in fact he didn’t think I had any progressive illness – he thought it was a trapped nerve - but if I wanted, for my own peace of mind, I could have an MRI. He then said he would refer my through the NHS and check the results for me. I have pins in my jaw from an operation I had when I was 18 so he was having to check whether I could get the MRI – I asked if a lumbar puncture was an option, but he said, no, he didn’t think it was necessary for me to undergo such an invasive procedure. He told me pins and needles, muscles twitching etc were very normal and that loads of people come to him terrified about MS with these type of symptoms – and they don’t need to be worried. He told me to stop Googling things like this – because the worse case scenario always comes up when you do. He said to keep taking my medication.
One of the other interesting/weird/disturbing things that has happened is that at my appointment, he asked if my sleep was being disturbed – I replied it wasn’t (I hadn’t had any problems of this type whatsoever – none). Then within a couple of days I’m having cramps in my legs, arms, trembling etc that’s waking me up at night. I feel like I’m going mad.
I started to think again about the anxiety thing – I have had tremendous amounts of stress over the last 3 years of my life and I’m the kind of person who gets so worried about things that might not bother other folk. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks about 12 years ago – they came out of nowhere a couple of times and then just disappeared into nowhere. I also get teary really easily and have just been thinking over the past year that my life is just one big waste of time – what have I really achieved? My job gets me really anxious all the time. But can anxiety do all this to me? Can it really give me these physical symptoms? And can it last for this amount of time???
So here I am waiting on my MRI. But my anxiety comes and goes – one minute I’m rational, and feeling ok, then the next I’m crazy and then I get the physical symptoms. I’ve noticed now that when I get panicky about something, my left hand goes numb and tingly, and my feet, and I get bursts of pins and needles all over my body. The more I worry the worse it gets. We don’t live in such a great neighbourhood and we keep getting stones and sticks thrown at our windows (has been happening on and off since Feb) – it happened again last week and within about 15 minutes my left hand was numb and tingly and bursts of pins and needles going off everywhere. Even as I write this, and I recall everything, both hands and feet have gone numb and fizzy.
But now I start to think – what if there is some serious problem – and then my panic/anxiety is masking the real symptoms? I just can’t stop thinking about all this – it’s just taken over my whole life.
Can anyone help?
Last November, after dummy fighting with my partner (where he grabbed me by the arm), I noticed my left arm felt a bit sore – just at the upper arm (there was a little dark bruise on it), almost like a tight band round the arm. My left hand also didn’t feel right – not sore, but a bit numb and ‘fizzy’. I also noticed that when I was using the laptop at home (the kind that has one of those internal mouse things) the fingers on my right hand would get a bit crampy and stiff. (I work at a PC all day so maybe going home and using the laptop to surf the web for and hour and half every night isn’t the best thing to do..)
After doing some internet research (what a big, big mistake) I realised it could either by a trapped nerve or MS – and guess which of the two seemed more likely to me? I panicked and then tried to be rational about it, so I went to the doctor. He told me it was a trapped nerve – advice was take some ibuprofen. I didn’t bother (I don’t usually like to take any painkillers), the pain wasn’t that bad (more annoying) and I thought it would go away. It did, but then in Feb, the left hand felt a bit numb/tingly again. Again after reading up about MS on the web, I went back to the doctor (saw a different doc this time) and she said she thought it was still a trapped nerve – and to take ibuprofen. She did quite a thorough physical exam and said everything looked normal. I mentioned at that point (and I know I mentioned this because of my ‘research’ on MS) that I very occasionally got that restless legs thing at night – she looked really alarmed and said that I would need to get that investigated if it continued. This really scared me and more or less confirmed for me that I had MS.
The numbness subsequently went away, but halfway through March (after a particularly stressful period at both home and work) it came back – and this time it was both my hands, some of my fingers (thumb, index and middle felt stiff and swollen and it was for around 4 days). It wasn’t like I couldn’t use my fingers, or couldn’t feel them or they looked swollen – they worked perfectly fine – they just felt weird, like they were someone else’s hands from the wrist down. I went absolutely crazy. I did more reading on MS on the web – so scary. I told my partner I thought I had MS and he tried to reassure me but told me I needed to go to the doctor and get checked out. I spent the weekend crying and researching the subject. I ended up hysterical one night – and as I cried and got more and more upset, the numbness and pins and needles travelled into both my feet.
Next day I went to the doctor (and saw a different doctor again). I told her straight out that I was worried about MS – she said ‘gut feeling…no – symptoms aren’t typical, it’s jumping about too much’. Then she looked up my file from the last time I was at the doctor and told me that during my visit in Feb, the doc had noted ‘MS query query query’ on my file as a possibility. She explained the ‘query query query’ bit meant ‘highly unlikely’ - but it had crossed her mind. The doctor then seemed to get really excited by this, and she started talking about how the other GPs in the practice have MS patients, and if I was diagnosed with it, would I come back and be her patient? I was totally shocked by her reaction. She seemed really thrilled at the thought of having her own little MS afflicted pet. I asked to be referred to a neurologist and left the surgery in a complete state. My partner said there was no way I was waiting for 6 months and we would do it privately. I phoned the doctor back and asked for a letter for a private referral – she told me it would cost thousands (it doesn’t) and that ‘why didn’t I wait for an NHS referral and I could spend my money on a nice holiday once I was diagnosed?’ I was devastated by this.
I can’t describe the state I was in – words just can’t cover what was going on in my head at that point. I felt absolutely ill, like my whole world had just completely collapsed. I started obsessively researching MS on the web once more. It’s been meltdown every since. I’ve even had my partner and my mum in tears (not something either of them are prone to) at the thought of me having a progressive illness. I had a really horrendous week after the GP visit where I had all of the symptoms below -
Pins and needles – everywhere in my body
Aches and pains
Numbness/pins and needles in hands and feet
Random muscles twitches going off everywhere in my body
Sore back – at small of back and around neck and shoulders
Racing heart
Dry mouth
Thirsty
Feeling freezing
No appetite and ‘choking’ when I tried to eat
Shaking and deep trembling sensation
Random burning sensations
Itchy
Stiff fingers – on same fingers of both hand
A horrible feeling of overwhelming, intense, terrifying fear, that I was going to die
Feeling of being ‘pressed down’ when lying in bed
Blurry vision – this sounds mad, but it only seems to happen when I’m in work…..
Buckling knees
A feeling of being totally removed from real life
Breathless
Toothache/jawache
Feeling like my tongue is too big for my mouth and its affecting my speech
‘Cracking’ in my joints
Ache at the inside of my eye (where bone is), going into side of my nose/brow/forehead
I’ve been at A & E (the doctor there reckoned anxiety, or at worst, rheumatoid arthritis – apparently symmetrical symptoms are indicative of the latter), had full bloodwork done (all clear), a diabetes test (clear) and seen another 2 doctors in addition – both of whom weren’t concerned, saying that what I was presenting with didn’t give them any indication that I was seriously ill. One of them said he was convinced anxiety was the problem and directed me to an NHS anxiety website – www.glasgowsteps.com (http://www.glasgowsteps.com/) - which I did find reassuring. I was prescribed a low dose of beta blockers (Half Inderal, which I’m still taking) and to be honest they helped immediately – if my symptoms during that week were at 100% I would say that I now only feel 10% of them – sometimes only 5% on a good day. Things come and go.
It didn’t last though. I decided I still wasn’t convinced by the anxiety thing so I paid to see a neurologist. He did a really thorough physical exam (pricking me with needles, bending my toes back and forward while and shut my eyes and told him which direction they were being bent in, checking reflexes, checking my eyes, making my balance on one leg and then another, making me walk a straight line etc etc) and asked me about everything that had happened. He told me that it was unlikely that I had MS and that in fact he didn’t think I had any progressive illness – he thought it was a trapped nerve - but if I wanted, for my own peace of mind, I could have an MRI. He then said he would refer my through the NHS and check the results for me. I have pins in my jaw from an operation I had when I was 18 so he was having to check whether I could get the MRI – I asked if a lumbar puncture was an option, but he said, no, he didn’t think it was necessary for me to undergo such an invasive procedure. He told me pins and needles, muscles twitching etc were very normal and that loads of people come to him terrified about MS with these type of symptoms – and they don’t need to be worried. He told me to stop Googling things like this – because the worse case scenario always comes up when you do. He said to keep taking my medication.
One of the other interesting/weird/disturbing things that has happened is that at my appointment, he asked if my sleep was being disturbed – I replied it wasn’t (I hadn’t had any problems of this type whatsoever – none). Then within a couple of days I’m having cramps in my legs, arms, trembling etc that’s waking me up at night. I feel like I’m going mad.
I started to think again about the anxiety thing – I have had tremendous amounts of stress over the last 3 years of my life and I’m the kind of person who gets so worried about things that might not bother other folk. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks about 12 years ago – they came out of nowhere a couple of times and then just disappeared into nowhere. I also get teary really easily and have just been thinking over the past year that my life is just one big waste of time – what have I really achieved? My job gets me really anxious all the time. But can anxiety do all this to me? Can it really give me these physical symptoms? And can it last for this amount of time???
So here I am waiting on my MRI. But my anxiety comes and goes – one minute I’m rational, and feeling ok, then the next I’m crazy and then I get the physical symptoms. I’ve noticed now that when I get panicky about something, my left hand goes numb and tingly, and my feet, and I get bursts of pins and needles all over my body. The more I worry the worse it gets. We don’t live in such a great neighbourhood and we keep getting stones and sticks thrown at our windows (has been happening on and off since Feb) – it happened again last week and within about 15 minutes my left hand was numb and tingly and bursts of pins and needles going off everywhere. Even as I write this, and I recall everything, both hands and feet have gone numb and fizzy.
But now I start to think – what if there is some serious problem – and then my panic/anxiety is masking the real symptoms? I just can’t stop thinking about all this – it’s just taken over my whole life.
Can anyone help?