View Full Version : UNHAPPY
Hello,
I need to get some stuff off my chest and would be so grateful for any advice.
As some of you know already I have gone through loads of bad stuff in my life the last one (which was two years ago and started five months after we had lost our baby) was when I found out my husband had been having an affair for about 8months. I didn't really rant and rave much at all because I had been suspicious for ages and it was like a relief to finally know for sure and know I wasn't going mad. Anyone who has been through this will know, that you somehow know by instinct. Anyway we decided to try to carry on with our marriage, we have been together now for nearly 11 years. I have realised now that how I dealt with the knowledge of the affair at the beginning was probably wrong, because it has just added to all my pent up feelings of loss, but how do I deal with it now. I know I have changed in the sort of person that I am now and know I would be able to cope without him if we did split up. He is not the sort of person to shower you with gifts to apologise, we have just sort of carried on as normal most of the time. We sometimes argue and it does get brought up, but he doesn't like to talk about. For the last year or so he has been working as a Sales Rep and his hours are really long. He usually leaves home by about 10am and is not usually back before 9.30 or 10pm. I don't think he is up to anything, but what does get me, is we never have time together and I feel like a single parent. I have no support or help with the children. My mother-in-law has just started having them on a Saturday, before that I had to take them to work with me (I run my own baby shop) and during the week my little boy, who is nearly four, comes to work with me every morning until its time for him to go to nursery. I am worrying now because the school hols start Thursday and he says I am putting pressure on him!!!!! by asking him, to ask his mom to help. Its alright for him, because he doesn't have to think about who is going to get them from school, look after them etc. At the beginning of the week they were both ill and i had to close my shop to stay at home with them. He did ask his mom, but she said no! My business has only been going for six months and I can't afford to pay anyone yet, so I have to cope as best as I can, but it is so hard trying to look after the children and give them quality time, clean the house, do the ironing, cook and run my business all on my own. My best friend is brilliant, but she lives in Telford (we live in Wolverhampton) and she would always help, we have even put our house for sale to move to Telford, but houses aren't selling so I'm stuck here.
I must sound really selfish, because I know my husband is trying to work hard to pay the bills but for the hours he works I feel he could get a job for the same pay but with much less hours, but he likes what he does, so won't change. He hasn't even got any time off over Easter, he could if asked, but because he is classed as self-employed he wouldn't get paid!
We had an argument on Thursday morning because I was asking him to do stuff to help with the kids getting ready etc.. and then I had a go at him cuz he'd spend £150 in a week and didn't what on. (We are struggling with paying bills at the moment and i know its his money, but what happens when the next bill is due?) I had been to see my counsellor on Wednesday and he has said I have to start thinking about myself more and has explained to me that I havn't really dealt with any of my losses (for those who don't know, my dad died when I was 21, my mom when I was 28 and five months pregnant with my first child, then my grandad and then my nan (who I grew very close to after losing my mom, who was my nans only child) then our baby boy, Cory, when I was five months pregnant and then my husbands affair, which apparently is another form of loss) and probably the only one I can do anything about is my husbands affair because he is still around, but I know he doesn't want to talk about it or drag up
Linda you poor lady, know wonder you are feeling a bit low at the moment.
In my opinion your hubby is being selfish. Just because he has a job it does not make him exempt from his other responsibilities IE - his responsibilities to you as a husband, the kids as a father and HELLO - it is the 21st century so he also has responsibilities to do his bit about the house.
You are obviously an amazingly strong woman, but remember not superwoman - she does not exist, she is a cartoon charactor - anyone trying to be her will fail!!!!
I was with my first husband for five years we had our ups and downs but he always knew that if he ever cheated I would leave. He waited until I was seven months pregnant then on a business trip to the states he called me from the airport and told me he had slept with a receptionist at the hotel he was staying in. He was crying and appologised. I told him we'd talk about it when he got home. It took him two hours to drive home and in that time I packed his bags and personal belongings. His face was a picture, he really believed that he would get away with it. WELL - he didn't he knew the rules, he (not me) chose to break them, so he (not me) decided our marriage was over.
I 100% made the right decision, I was not prepared to waste the rest of my life wondering where he was, who he was with and what had he spent that money on. I am now lucky enough to be married to a real man, one who shares the chilcare responsibilties, gives the family every penny that he earns , works like a dog and yet stills sees it as his job to share the shopping, cooking and cleaning.
I really hope that you made the right decision sticking with your man, I think that he owes it to you to talk about it rationally though so that you can finally lay it to rest and move on.
If I were closer hunny i'd gladly volunteer to help you in the shop free of charge.
Take care for now.
Angie x
katiekatie
19-03-05, 14:48
Hello Linda
I don't know where to start, you have had a rough time and obviously have bottled up too much for too long.
With the childcare issue, does it have to be your husband who asks his mother for some help? I'm sure she would love to have them more especially if she knew that you were struggling with time etc.... Men feel embarrased asking for help and like to be seen to have everything in hand, so perhaps that is why he is touchy about asking her.....
You say you could cope without him, you must have thought about leaving him to have come to this conclusion, does he know how close you are to this happening? Again, a lot of men can't talk about emotions and push it aside, (if i ignore it, it will go away), I do think you should try counselling as a couple, let him know that he isn't going to be attacked for the affair or made to do anything unreasonable, but it would help you a lot to have a third party take a look from both sides and see if you can understand each other more.
Don't give up on the shop, when the kids are at school full time and hubby is working all day you will miss it, and it is a huge acheivement, something to be proud of, and its YOUR venture.
My boyf works til 9pm too, and weekends and holidays, I'm not happy about it, but its just the way he is, likes to be busy and can't switch off properly. Lots of guys throw themselves into something, be it work or a hobby or the pub, without realising that it is a problem to us, we are always here at the end of the day so it must be ok!!! I try to talk to my boyf but he doesn't really take it in, always to tired to talk or not in the mood for my moaning, but i really snapped recently and he has made a huge effort to spend some time with me and i have tried my hardest to be nice and thank him for taking time off or coming round early,instead of moaning and that has changed things around recently. I'm not telling you to be extra nice to him at all, just saying what has worked for me, he has hurt me a few times and I stayed with him but havent really dealt with it in my head and he knows this and would just be walking around sheilding himself from me, feeling like everything was a dig at him. and it got in a rut....sorry I'm rambling on about myself now and have lost where i was going with this. PANICS are not good for the old concentration!!
ANd yes PMS is not going to help right now. Try to leave any discussions until the PMS has passed as you will think more rationally.
katiekatie
Hi Linda, So sorry for how you feel at the moment, you have been through so much in the last few years that know wonder you feel so low and unhappy. I can really sympathize with you, I have been with my partner for 7 and a half years and before that I was married to a man for only 8 weeks and he had an affair 2 weeks after we got married and it absolutely devasted me. He woke up one morning and said he didn't love me anymore and didn't give me any reason as to why he was leaving me, after some detective work I found out that he was seeing this other woman. It knocked me for six and I wondered what I had done wrong. I tried to put it to the back of my mind and decided to get on with my life. 5 months after I met my current partner who was everything I wanted in a man and we moved in together after 6 months and everything was perfect, I already had a four year old daughter from a previous relationship and he treated her like his own. After 12 months together we started to hit a rocky patch and he left me to go back to his ex which devasted me yet again as I thought there must be something wrong with me for it to have happened twice with 2 different men. He did eventually after 1 week beg me to take him back which I did and then after another couple of months together I ended up meeting someone else in a pub one night and I had an affair. I felt so guilty but part of me thought "it serves him right, now he knows how it feel" Anyway it was a brief affair but Jon found out about it and asked me to make a choice, I chose Jon and things got back to normal. After a few months of being back together I got pregnant and was over the moon and Jon was ecstatic as he had always wanted a child of his own, everything was fine until 5 months after I had my little boy when I started with panic attacks and Post natal depression and then things just went down bank from there and have never been right since. He has never given me any support with my illness and I feel so much resentment towards him, i feel like he doesn't care about me or the kids and feel like a single parent. He never helps arounfd the house or with the kids, never cooks, all he does is go to work and then comes home and puts his feet up in front of the T.V. I know he works hard but he finishes at 2pm every day and don't see why I should have to be on the go all the time while he can sit and relax. For the last few weeks things have gone from bad to worse, we have been arguing constantly, I also found out that he had met a woman from america on the internet and I caught him on the phone to her one night, being all lovey dovey etc, when he thought I was in bed. We had a huge row (he was so embarassed to have been caught out and I gave this woman a right mouthful on the phone) and he said that he just needed someone to talk to. I felt so bad - Why couldn't he talk to me if he had any problems or felt lonely? Anyway I was devastated that he had done this to me but he didn't think he had done anything wrong as he said it was not like he would ever have met up with her as she lives in america but I still felt that he had been unfaithful to me as the thought of doing it was in his mind. Since then we haven't been geting on at all and it was my birthday on Tuesday and he completely ruined it by starting a row, I kicked him out ( he has come back now) and it has been the best thing I have ever done because it has made us both face up to the state of our relationship and has made him buck up his ideas. He admits that he has treated me badly and says he will start giving me more support with the housework anfd the kids, It remains to be seen how long it will last so I will keep you posted as to how things are going.
Try to keep your chin up babe!! Have you thought of going for counselling together, maybe it might help but is only a suggestion as if things don't get btter for me and Jon then I think this will be our next step.
If ever you need to talk just send me an email or a PM, I will always be here to listen and try and help as much as I can. You are doing so well running yo
Hi to all of you,
Thankyou you are all lovely, it is nice to know I am not alone.
What else can I say - ANGIE where do you live, please move by me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I know exactly what you are saying but I do still love him and felt it was right to our marriage another go. My mom and dad split up when I was 10 and she never got over my dad, then when he got in touch when I was 20 and subsequently died on us 6mths later it tore her apart. She had never got over him and sadly started drinking heavily. Eventually it killed her. If I didn't love him I wouldn't have given him another chance and he KNOWS for certain he wouldn't get away with it again, I am the same as you were with only have given him one chance. It shows how stupid I am, cuz I feel guilty for moaning about him now but I just wish he was here more to help and would face up to how I feel about what happened. I don't think I'm very strong at all, but thanks for your vote of confidence. All day today, probably cuz I've got pmt and its made it worse, I have had loads of ectopic beats, a thumping heart and the shakes. I think I always get like this each month and should be used to it by now, but I still don't like it.
KATIE KATIE - The reason he asks my mother in law, is cuz we don't get on that well. She isn't a 'typical' nan, sometimes she can be really good with them, other times not and she has gone for months on end without seeing them/speaking to them. It wouldn't bother her if she knew how much I was struggling to be honest. She is only 51 and doesn't work (pensioned off, due to 'bad back') so she could help a bit if she wanted and she doesn't live far away, but I think she does it to spite me, but I could be wrong. How bitter and twisted do I sound???????
I think he knows that I am stronger than I used to be, and I really don't want us to split up but sometimes, I do wonder. He tried really hard on Mothers Day and gave me a lovely day, but like my counsellor said one day isn't going to help with the other times unless I get more rest/more often. I am determined to try to keep my business going, because like you said once my little boy is in full-time school, things will be much easier, so I just have to cope until then, really.
LISA - What are we like!!! I have already replied to you with a pm, but hadn't read your post then. We have got ourselves into a pickle haven't we. I think we both need to start again!!!! Only joking. I think you're right about us both going to counselling together and I we did sign up for relate when I first found out about the affair but only went to one session then thought we could sort it out between us. I think I am more upset because I feel taken for granted, but to be honest I don't think he realises. Like I said earlier, he is trying so hard to earn us our bill money and working silly hours, but sometimes it would be nice for him to be home. At least he gets Sundays off.
I'd better shut up now, talk about boring you all silly!
Thanks again for your support,
Take care,
Linda.xx
hi there,
wont go into a long reply as youve had some great support and advice but I just wanted to let you know from reading what you do and how you cope I think you are a superstar!!! you are so courageous, own business, kids, im sure you life isnt easy at all but sounds like to me you are coping well......things will get easier but you really are a very special lady by the sounds of things...........u should be Alan Sugars apprentice!!!
take care,
doddy
Hi again Linda
Your hubby is one very lucky guy to have the love of such a graet lady.!!! And you most certainly are not stupid for fighting to keep your family together - it is admirable and courageous.
I know what you mean abot the PMS thing, my first panic attack started on day one a month ago and I have just gone through it again ...we girls are jusy soooo lucky;)
Maybe you could find someone in your area who would relish the chance to help you. Lots of young widowed ladies are sat at home daily, lots of people like us who's PA's stop them holding down full time jobs etc. I am sure that you would someone that would be prepared to help you with your business, not being paid in cash but maybe in another way?
Just a thought - I have voluntered with a local charity to just get me back into doing something normal. I know it will aid my recovery having somewhere to be without the stress of having to perform.
Take care lovely lady and have a good weekend.
Angie
Hi Doddy,
Sorry to sound thick, but who is Alan Sugars????????
Thankyou for your reply, I feel like I've been fishing for compliments, you've all said such nice stuff, but I don't feel anything special. I feel guilty cuz the kids have to go to after school club till I finish work and then I have to come home and cook, so I don't get to spend much time with them, I even feel guilty spending time on here, but it does help talking to you all, I feel guilty going to my counselling cuz thats after I finish work and the kids get left even longer and I even feel guilty moaning about my hubby. Here I go again, get a grip woman!!!!
I know I am having a bad day, cuz like I've said I've had loads of missed beats and got the shakes. I am trying to do deep breathing but can't do it properly. I must make time to go and buy a relaxation Cd.
Thanks again for your reply and please put me out of misery and tell me who Alan Sugars is...!!!!
Take care,
Linda.x
Hi again Angie,
You've made me go all tingly and I feel like crying. This forum is so good, when you get to find people like you and others who give you such lovely encouragement.
I hope you can find yourself something to occupy you to get you out. I am lucky in that way, I have always faced my panic and tried not to avoid it. It never made it go away but probably stopped me being unable to ever go out. I rememeber a few years ago I was scared of migraines (only ever get them when I'm pregnant, though) and it made me scared to drive very far, for the fear of having them - they were the ones where you get the patterns, so can't see properly - but I perservered and did manage to overcome it and now I can drive anywhere. The one thing I can't get past is being scared of the missed heartbeats and even though I've had all the tests when I get them I still worry something was missed and really something is wrong with me.
You take good care of yourself and have a lovely weekend too. Hope the weather is nice where you are.
Love,
Linda.xxx
Don't you worry about me Linda, nothing keeps me down for long - I just don't do things by halves!!!!!
Mine only started a month ago and I have been floored by them, BUT I am getting so much stronger on a daily basis. I left my very stressful job as an Op's & Marketing Manager and just felt that I was never going to get back to the 'normal' me. I have not lost my sense of humour and laugh at this blip I am going through all the time. I have been out and about today no problem so I am well on the way to recovery.
Re the heart beats, I have suffered these all of my adult life and they do not bother me one iota...honestly. If they caused pain I may be more concerned but as they just make me smart a bit I have learnt to live with them. I find that they are worse around the monthly visit and also if I am rushing about but I try not to think about them other than just something that happens to me. I find that if I tap my left collar bone when I have them they seem to regulate a lot quicker have you tried this?
Hi Angie,
No I haven't tried that!! I can't believe you have had them for so long as well. Are they REALLY not dangerous!!! To right they are worse around the time your period is due but I also get them around ovulation time as well. I just hate feeling the fluttering, like there is a butterfly in my chest and then I try so hard not to check my pulse, which I still do most of the time!! I am feeling much calmer now, so this site obviously works.
I really hope you can overcome your panic before it takes a grip, you certainly sound like you will!!
Linda.xx
katiekatie
19-03-05, 17:00
Linda
I'm really sorry your mother in law isn't more helpful than she is, but after a few more saturdays of helping you may feel a bit of the strain lifting.. (i hope so)
One day isn't enough, but he DID make an effort and don't let the negative thoughts be-little that, let him know how much you appreciated it and try to plan another day that ou can have a 'special day' when you both make an effort to do something nice for each other.
I found that vitamin e helped my PMT a lot and also made my periods lighter and gave me less cramps, just a suggestion.
Keep your chin up, you are amazingly strong and when you have dealt with some of your things from the past you will be so much stronger, I know its easy to say and I am a state right now too, but I know that I will give my counselling my everything and in time I will be able to deal with things a lot better and you will too, at least you are not bottling everything up now.
big hugs
katiekatie x
Thanks Katie,
I have talked about everything to my friends. I think what I have bottled up are my emotions, I am good at talking (and typing) but not good at really showing my true feelings, that is where I went wrong in the past, I think. I am really lucky, because my one friend (the one in Telford) is more like family and she knows absolutely everything about me, but I think the counsellor looks at things differently and gets me to look at things differently and also asks questions which are different to what you'd think. He linked the fact that my dad had an affair all those years ago, to my husbands and I had never thought about that as a link before.
All we can do is try, but I really hope it works, for all of us who are going through this. If I can help you in anyway, please let me know, I am here for you too.
Love,
Linda.xxx
hi Linda,
I have no idea how you cope with so much going on in your life. You really do deserve a medal hun!! I would have given up long ago if I had been through all you have...In my opinion, your husband is being very selfish (hope you don't mind me saying). Just because he works, doesn't mean that he shouldn't also have responsibilities at home and with the kids. It sounds like you have to cope with a lot more than he does and it's not fair that he doesn't share the burden with you. Maybe you should sit him down and explain how rushed off your feet you are and that you don't think you can cope anymore without some help from him...don't know what else to suggest..
Sarah :D
None of my buissines but sur your bubby can do things for the kids? I worked long hours for low pay but always took kids out for a hour at night and enjoyed playing with them weekends etc to give wife a break. If he dont leave till 10am couldnt he get kids up dress them, do a bit of washing etc then drop them off at your shop before he goes?
Linda
Are you sure you're not my long lost twin or something? lol we seem to have such similar things happen to us.
Four years ago me and my ex husband were going through a rough patch, you know how it is you try and hang on to the last piece of thread dangling to get it to work. But he made the decision and decided to sleep with my next door neighbour of all people. WOW what a blow that was. He left 2 days later as i couldn't bring myself to take him back but the worse thing was that for the next 18 months i had to put up with the fact that SHE was still living next door.....that was horrible, smug little cow. Sorry was bashing the keyboard then lol.
I'm the same as Angie, I could never forgive a man who cheated. So your hubby should realise what a damn lucky bloke he is really.
I do agree with Katie when she said does it have to be your husband who asks for the help. You know what men can be like. They do get embarassed and constantly think if they ask for help they're some kind of failure [Duh!] lol.
Keep your chin up hun.
Tracy
xx
Hi Linda
You have had a lot of losses to come to terms with and everyone grieves in different ways. But as you pointed out you cant change the people you have lot but you can build something better with your husband if you both want to.
You have a very busy life and do remarkably well and you do need that support of him. He in the past betrayed you in the worst way possible and he has to be able to deal with how you feel and if you need to delve deeper to regain respect then he should stand by you and let you do so.
I am sure he is worried that the councellor will point out things between you and him with regards the affair and maybe worrying that this will push you further apart. But before you move on in your life and with how you are suffering, you maybe do need answers that can help you leave it in the past and move on to better things.
I hope it all works out for you and he starts helping out more with the children and you and him can spend some quality time together.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
alan sugar is the media mogul, he has that tv serious the apprentice,
anyway, after eading some more of your replies you must stop feeling guilty, you are without doubt a truly barve, courageous, caring mother who from what i can read is doing a fantatsic job of providing for her kids as well as dealing with all these other issues virtually on your own.
you deserve a medal and i can tell u now there are many many people who couldnt cope like you are with all you have to handle.
you shouldnt feel guilty you should feel proud!!!
so turn that frown up sidedown!!:)
take care
doddy
Hi Linda
How are things going for you at the moment?
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi everyone,
Thanks again for all of your support. Sorry not been posting for last few days, but yesterday we had a day out as a family (even though it turned out our daughter wasn't well but didn't want to tell us cuz she wanted to go out!!!!!) and by the time we got back in and sorted the kids for bed, thats where I was ready for too!!!
In reply to some of the questions some of you have asked... I have sat my husband down - many times - to explain how much I have to do etc.. but it doesn't usually go too well. He has helped out this morning with the little one, getting him ready etc. but for example, last night, we thought our daughter might not be able to go to school today, cuz she wasn't well and I asked him what I could do (ie he could ask his mom, or his brother who doesn't work) and he said it was too short notice. I quite sarcastically said, in future I'll ask our daughter to give us three weeks notice before she is ill next time!!!!! Obviously that didn't go down too well!!! When I said to him I might have to close the shop if she wasn't well enough he just said, well you haven't got much choice really have you! If he takes time off he doesn't get paid, but as he also drives for his job he feels he can't let them down! With regards to my mother in law, she doesn't really like me, when my husband had his affair she asked me what I had done to deserve it, and also said I shouldn't have been looking for evidence!!! She is very a very strange person and we did used to get on very well but I have given up constantly being nice to her, to get nothing in return. She has done some stuff over the years that is not nice but at the end of the day, she is my husbands mom and I can't expect him to see her for being any different. I sound like a right b**ch now, don't I!!!???
I think what Sal said about the Counsellor is right and he probably is frightened of what will come out. I know I feel differently about him now, but deep down I do love him and when he is around he is brilliant with the kids, you can't knock him as a dad at all. I hope we will be able to work through it and he can deal with me sorting my head out.
About all of my bereavements. WHO WATCHES CORRIE????? Fridays episode had me in tears because Ray Langton reminds me so much of my dad. The circumstances with him and Tracy are different because I went out of my way to go and see my dad but it brought it home to me that I really do miss him, even after he has been gone for nearly 17years and I thought I had dealt with him! I think I finally realised that I missed the years that he had been gone from our lives from when I was 10 to 20 and my counsellor was so right when he said this was when I started blocking stuff out and just getting on with things. Got loads to talk to him about on Wednesday!!
Lastly, back to needing reassurance about ectopics again. Tracy are you there, my long lost twin!!!! Had loads all day Saturday but only a few yesterday and had some so far today. What I found scary last night, I felt one and then felt my pulse (in my throat, which I know I shouldn't) and when you feel it going slightly off course, then the pause and the fluttering feeling in your chest it does still scare me and I still need to know how they can't be dangerous and doing damage to my heart. I know I am a total nuisance with this but please humour me, if I could just get past these things I would be able to cope with other stuff.
You have all been so wonderful and I truly feel like I have a new set of friends. Thankyou and hope to hear from you all soon.
Take care,
Lots of love,
Linda.xxx
Hi Linda, Just been reading this post again and catching up on how you are doing. I really do think you are doing a brilliant job and you shouldn't feel guilty about anything. All mothers feel guilty, I am constantly feeling guilty about not spending enough time with the kids and I don't even work but we all need ME time and why do we feel so guilty for wanting it? My boyfriend makes me feel guilty because he is forever on about how he has to go to work and I am sure he thinks being a mother is a doddle of a job but if the tables were turned I am sure he would feel the same as me. I will send you a PM in a bit but have got to take the dog for a walk now, speak to you soon.
take care honey
Love Lisaxx
Hey my adopted twin sister lol
Sent you pm :D
Tracy
x
Hi Linda, how are you feeling today, I have been reading your posts and Yes - I am an avid corrie fan and was in tears the other night with the episode with Ray and Tracy!! Then again anything makes me cry these days!! How is your conselling going, do you find it helpful? I am thinking about contacting relate as m,e and Jon have alot of issues to deal with but I don't think he fancies it much. He is a very private person and doesn't even discuss things with his family. His mum and dad died when he was 15 within 12 months of one another and I don't think he has ever faced up to it. He went to live with his nan and then she died about 4 years later so he has had alot of people close to him who have died but he is not one for showing his emotions and I think he has blocked alot of it out. I think it would do us both good to see a counsellor as it is obvious we are getting nowhere by trying to sort it out by ourselves. I really do think you are doing a marvellous job and you deserve some happiness. Another thing that happened a few years ago which I am a bit scared to mention as I feel guilty as I know you lost a baby is that I fell pregnant in November 2001 and as I was still suffereing with post natal depression and anxiety and panic attacks i felt there was no way I could go through with having another baby so I had a termination, we both made the decision but I don't think he has ever forgiven me as he would love more children and I am just racked with guilt even now. Even the doctor said I was making the right decision as he didn't think I could cope with another baby. It always comes up in the rows we have and I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision. I wonder if things would have been different between us if I had gone through with the pregnancy but I suppose I will never know. He keps pestering me to have another baby as he says he wants at least another one before he is too old (he is only 39) I said we have plenty of time as I am only 31 but I don't think peopel should have kids as a way of trying to keep their relationship together so I will wait to see how things go as I know I am definatley not ready to make that decision at the moment or even if I want anymore kids at all.
Sorry to ramble on!!
Take care and let me know how you are doing, How is your daughter feeling today, did you have a good day out? Where did you go. Sorry if that seems nosey!!
Take care
Love Lisaxx
hello Linda,
Glad to hear that you had a nice family day out!! Don't worry, you do not sound like a b***h - you have been through a lot and it must be hard when you get no support from your husband or your mother-in-law.
Sarah :D
Hi Linda
Pleased you had a day out and it is a pity that his mother cant help out, and as you say your daughter cant pre empt when she is going to be ill. It wont help that she is like that with you either, and it is always going to be his mum. I know when my ex husband had an affair my mother in law asked me what i had done, i simply replied the only thing i did wrong was marrying him in the first place!! That kept her off my back!
I am sure your therapist will help you get through this and you obviously still love your husband, but at time we can tend not to like people we dont love. He sounds like a great dad when he is at and it would be nice if he could give and take just a little more to lessen the pressure on you.
I hope that you can see him affair as a bereavement and work through getting totally on and moving forward to having a happy future together.
Keep in touch.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi everyone,
Got new reason for feeling guilty.....This site is so good can't wait to get on it when I'm home and have no time for anything else!!!
LISA- I am going to PM you later, thanks for your reply and I will speak to you soon. (Please don't worry about upsetting me, I am fine)
TWIN!- Have sent you a PM
SAL - Your advice is spot on. Counsellor keeps telling me affair was the same as a loss, so I am working through that as well.
Wish I had thought of your reply for my mother in law!
We have had good talk (again) at weekend and he rang me earlier, to tell me he had told work he won't be starting until at least 11.30am from now on, so that he can have our little boy till then and then bring him to me at my shop before he goes to work. We have tried this before, so I hope it works this time, his work want control of him all the time.
Got to get kids dinner done, but need to come back later as I haven't read anything else yet. Don't I ramble on!!!!
Thanks again for everyones support.
Love Linda.xxx
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