So Angry!!!!!!!!!!

[yorkylover]

Im so angry and anxious tonight.
Yesterday my brother was discharged from a psychiatric hospital.Hes been there for over a month.While in there he continued to get out and have a drink!!!!!!!!!!:mad: :mad: while he was there the council sorted moving him from a bedsit flat to a one bedroom flat,this was a special move because he was being harrassed about his sexuality,the police were involved and doctors in the move.
He has bipolar and he drinks.Today we helped him move,this is the 4th time we have helped him do this.We spent yesterday evening and today moving him in.We had no thank you,no appreciation for what we had done,no offer of help towards the fuel for the van,nothing:lac: .When we left the flat at 1.00 I said I would pop back later with his digi box,duvet and a tv cabinet which I went and got from argos especially for him.I phoned to say I was just leaving and he told me and my parents not to go up,that he was to tired for us to go up.He has no duvet and said he would manage with out.He especially wanted his digi box for the evening,but suddenly changed his mind.

After all we had done and this is what he came out with.To me that is so selfish.My parents were gutted,mums been crying cos he is so nasty to them.
I know he is probably checking out the new local already.Basically he just used us to move all his gear cos my partner has a truck.

He has spent 20 years or more treating us like dirt,when will we flippin learn.
We always help him,bail him out and each time its chucked back in our faces.
I hate his evilness towards us,you wouldnt think he was part of the same family.
Im so agitated tonight.I kept wanting to be sick after he had phoned.
Again he has chose the pub,it always comes first.Living with someone with bipolar is a total nightmare.:weep: :weep: :weep:

[nomorepanic]

Ellen

Sorry to hear this.

Do you think the alcohol is more of a problem than the bipolar?

[domino]

First of all have some of these:hugs::hugs::hugs: forgive me but what is bipolar? and yes he is taking you all for a ride, i have to agree with nick it does sound as the drink is the problem here, if i we,re you i would stand my ground and let him "get on with it" for a while , but also let him know that he has to stop treating you all like this .

[Oceanblue]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that your brother seems to be treating you and your family in a disrespectful way.

As the other's have also said, I feel that the drink seems to be the main part of the problem. I have been in rehab twice and understand both the psychological and physical effects alcohol can have on somebody's life.

I hope you don't mind me saying and just wanted to write my point, that I too am Bipolar and have a friend that is also. I have needed hospital treatment a number of times. I have read many of your previous posts regarding the illness and I honestly feel there is a huge lack of understanding. I obviously do not know your brother personally (everybody is different), but I do feel that labelling Bipolar is alittle unfair. It is a serious, acute and deliberating illness that without the right medication and care can be extremely difficult to live with.

I hope that your brother is able to address his drinking problems and start to take more care of himself, he should then realise he's not just hurting himself through life but others closest to him aswell.

[joannap]

i have to agree with katie76 - alcholism and bi polar are serious illnesses where the sufferer doesn't even know how his behaving some of the time.

i am sorry it is affecting the rest of the family so deeply but i feel you only have two choices - you accept the way he is and continue to support him in the way you have been doing or you step back and let him get on with it.

[Lilith1980]

Hi Yorky

I dont know what to say but I'm sending you some :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm sorry things are going the way they are, you are doing your best for him, that is all you can do. I'm sorry that your brother doesnt seem to appreciate this right now.

Jo xxxxx

[nikita]

oh ellen, its infuriating isnt it. i agree with others and think its more the drink thats the problem than the bi-polar but they are a lethal combination. you've done all you can, he's a big boy, but i know - you love him and cant help but feel you need to help him and i applaud you for that - he's lucky to have such a supportive family

[HazyMind]

Hi Ellen,

Just wanted to send you some hugs and I hope things get better for all of you soon.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

x

[chalky]

Hi Ellen,

Maybe someday,your brother will be well enough to understand what you have done for him.
I wonder where he would be without your love and care?
Continuing to do what you do for him shows what an amazing person you are.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
best wishes,
Chalky

[kazzie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Ellen

Kaz xxx:hugs:

[yorkylover]

Thank you everyone,and everyone is entitled to there opinions.

I dont feel Im labeling bipolar or have a lack of understanding of it.I came on last night because I needed to get things of my chest.My family have been carers to my brother right up until he moved out last year.I know its a terrible illness,but my brother has been offered all the support out there,but no one can make him take the help and no one can make him take his meds.
We have supported and helped him since he was 14 he is now 37.I my self have depression.
The help is there but he also needs to help himself.Sometimes the carers need a little support to.I know the drink plays a big part and make his moods violent,we have done all the rehab,psychiatric hospitals,counselling ect ect.

I cant go into all I would be here all day!!!!
My brother is also gay.who also thought at one point wanted to be a woman and we went through all the dressing,hospital appointments at charring cross.Im so glad he never got to the actual sex change with his mental health issues.

I am not blaming this all on his bipolar at all, if thats the way it sounded I apologise,but please dont say I dont understand because I do.I just hope families can understand me with living with someone with bipolar or alcohol problems.

[Oceanblue]

Hi,

I do know how it feels to live with somebody with alcohol problems too and it is hell. My dad has been an alcoholic all his life, but lucky for him 6th time in rehabilition and he is now dry. I always knew my dad to be a drinker and life at home when I was a child was very unpleasant.

Nobody can change your brothers ways, he can only do this himself and unfortunately for those with alcohol problems, they need to reach rock bottom to actually realise and do something about it.

Sometimes,... it's actually best to act cruel to be kind. It does sound that your brother is taking your family for granted and may not even realise exactly what he is doing, he doesn't know his full consequences because you have always been there for him. I believe that maybe taking a step back is best for your whole family and for him also.

I do hope things improve,.. for you all.

[yorkylover]

Thank you Katie.I would take a step back,but unfortunatly my mother being a mum wont.He is forever in trouble.But wont go into all that.Thanks for understanding.Im really pleased for you and your dad.My dad used to drink to when I was a child,he recovered.I also know what thats like.

[hopeful]

Hi Ellen,
Its so frustrating when you try to help and its thrown back in your face.For the sake of your own health I would take a step back and let him get on with it.You are not responsible for him.You've tried and tried to help.
Hope you are feeling calmer,and dont forget to look after no.1,YOU.
julie x:hugs:

[Ma Larkin]

Hi Ellen, my ex has bi-polar and is also an alcoholic. I really thought that we were perfect together and that there was so much love in our relationship, I would be able to help him overcome his problems. However, it wasn't to be. I felt exactly the way you and your mum are feeling now. Nothing I did was appreciated until he had a rare sober moment, and then it was a case of "do I owe you any money?" because he couldn't remember a damn thing. I tried being there at every waking moment, cleaning up the mess he made, putting up with the imaginary "friends" he seemed to meet because he was abusing his medication, either taking too much or not taking any at all. He got sectioned in the end (for 6 weeks) and came out worse than when he went in!

In the end, I decided enough was enough and I walked away. It broke my heart, but even his family used to dread him turning up and they had put up with this for 20 years. He is still the same now and, although it must be very lonely for him, I really don't think anyone can help him because he doesn't want to be helped. He wants to be on his own because he knows what he is doing is wrong, but at least no-one can judge him (or so he thinks). All I can say is your brother will come to you when he really needs you, so don't feel bad about taking a back seat and stepping away for a while. As long as you know he is not in any danger, he will manage just fine. Don't feel guilty or angry, he probably doesn't even realise that he is being unfair and ungrateful.

Les

[yorkylover]

Hi Ma Larkin,thank you so much for your post.It helps to know someone understands what Im going through as you have been there.
And thank you to everyones support here.:hugs:

My brother abuses his meds to.Takes them when ever,sometimes never.
He doesnt drink every day,he binge drinks.cant remember a thing when he sobers up.His moods when he is sober are very up or very down.:lac:

I have decided to take a back seat after what happened at the weekend.Today I feel so low,let down,sad,stressed,tired,very used.Im sure I have MUG tattoed on my forhead.!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

[Allye]

I do feel for you. I have no experience of bi-polar and alcohol but my ex was diagnosed BPD and was also an alcoholic. Life was so up and down I am not sure how I survived. Just manipulative enough to get what he wanted, then nasty, violent or just went off for days on a alcohol induced rampage, usually ending up in a fight and a court appearance. Then back to the tears and begging for forgiveness. He always managed to make me feel so damn guilty and would not accept treatment for the BPD – he actually loved all the attention he could get even if it was “bad” attention.

I think what I am saying is that it takes a while to see from the outside looking in. I managed to see and step back but it was difficult. This was a relatively short relationship but this is your brother so it must be so much more difficult to deal with and to decide which course of action you should take. That’s why I feel for you.

[gtrgrl3369]

Wow this sounds all to familiar to me. I just had to have my brother leave my home because of his alcohol. We have always helped him because he always seems down on his uck, but now it is my time to take care of me. I cant worry about him and his alcohol anymore as he always does this to himself. Alcohol is his best friend and everyone who cant do for him, well be damned. For my health and well being I had to let him go. I love him still but will never be his crutch anymore. My mental health is more important to me. I hope things work out for you. Take care xxx

[Southern_Belle]

Ellen,

No advice, just a :hugs: . I hope things are resolved soon.

Laura

[yorkylover]

Well he's been in the new flat 3 days,and this morning he phoned mum to tell her he lost his benefit money yesterday,£100.This is the sort of lies he tells.This is every two weeks.He goes on a bender,and then has no money for bills.He makes up stories about it been lost,stolen,mugged what ever.He is like the boy who cried wolf!!!!!! :mad::mad:
Mum has finally after 20 odd years started to realise what he is really like.

[chalky]

Hi Ellen,

Just thinking about you at the minute.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Best wishes,
Chalky

[debera]

aww ellen big hugs for you hun.
love debera:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Sax]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((YORKIE)))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[samc100]

Ellen - sorry honey I sent you a private message not spotting this...

You know what I feel about your brother and the long suffering support your family have given him. He's been lucky that you 3 have been there for him. I know he can not help some of his behaviour but that does not make life fun for you supporting him.

Take a step away from him Ellen for at least a while .... you need peace cos' since Xmas you have been up to your neck with him. Time for you now.....xxxxxx

[yorkylover]

Feeling very angry today!!!!!:mad: :mad:
Brother has bee in his new flat nearly two weeks.Got his benefit yesterday,phoned and asked me what he could get mum for mothers day.Phoned me back and said he couldnt find anything,so I told him to put some money in her card.
Well today he informed me he blew all his money yesterday on drink,and I really dont know what else,fruit machine I think:mad: :mad: I asked about mums money he said he spent that to,and will have to give her something out of the next benefit.So agian the booze has come first.

Mum doesnt show it but I know she is hurt,booze always come first.It hurts me so much.Doesnt matter what I buy her,she still feels hurt inside.He does it every birthday,christmas,mothers day ect.

Im so mad:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Pink Panic]

Hi

Sending you a hug :hugs:

I feel for both you and your mum as you have given this guy loads of support and boy do you have every right to be angry :mad: when he throws it back at you.
Take care of yourself.

Love & Hugs
Pink
xxx

[yorkylover]

Thanx Pink.:hugs: :hugs:

[sheba2]

Hi yorkielover.

It might help to actually work out what exactly you are angry about. Is it your brother because of his inability to deal with his problems on his own. Is it with yourself because no matter what you do it doesn't seem to make any difference or is it your mum because she spends so much of her time sorting your brother out that she has little time left for you. Maybe it is all of these and who would blame you for feeling like this. Perhaps you could make a list of all the things and people in this situation that are getting you down at the moment. Then write beside them anything that yu can do or are prepared to do. Be realistic and don't expect too much of yourself. Living with anyone who has this type of problem is really difficult and very draining. My ex husband is bi polar. I tried everything to make it better for him and ended up having a breakdown myself. After nearly 20 years I left. I still feel guilty and lots of other things I even miss the good days but life is easier for me without the constant upset of this condition and that was without the alcohol.

I hope things improve for you soon.

[yorkylover]

Thanx sheba,bit of everything I think.Im not annoyed at him taking up mums time,its just everything revolves round him if you know what I mean.He totally exhausts me mentally.:hugs: :hugs:

[kazzie]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Ellen

Kaz x x x:hugs: