MELTDOWN!!!!!

[angieb]

It finally got me last night - After all of your help yesterday I went into the evening quite positively. THEN - at about 8pm I become overwhelmed with sadness (more like madness[}:)]) and just started to sob.

I rarely cry and yet I could not stop sobing for nearly two hours, it is just the hopelessness of it all. Rob was great in between sobs he cuddled me and tried to make sense of it all. We went to bed at 11pm and it took me until 3am to get to sleep. My pulse is constantly high, racing away as if I had just received a massive shock. Surely this must be doing me damage, my blood pressure must be through the roof.

The school run is a real mountain for me, everyday I make myself do it, expecting it to get easier but it just isn't. I shut my eyes at night thinking about teh morning run and I dread the afternoons as I know that at three I have to do it all again. We are not allowed to park in teh tiny lane where the school is, we have to park at the church and walk through. The further Iaway I get from the car the higher my state of panic. Rob came with me this morning and I still felt bad.

If I'd have had a gun last night I would have happily put myself out of this self inflicted misery.

So so sorry to be so bl!x*y negative, you all have your own worries and I am being so needy at the moment. I told some of teh mums at scholl to take away the fear terror and they were call so supportive - well at first now they are all trying to avoid eye contact with me in case I land on them paniking:(

[Clive Edwards]

Angie

don't worry - a problem shared as they say.
i've been on edge etc since mid Jan.

The doctor has prescribed me some tablets for anxiety / depression. only been on them a week and i feel a whole lot better, must be a placebo effect as well as its supposed to take a couple of weeks to kick in. if you're not on any medication it may just help to calm you. as daft as it is i don't believe tablets are the answer but if they give you the initial boost then great. i'm only supposed to be on them short term and they are not addictive. maybe its worth seeing the doc if you haven't already

keep your chin up.

Clive

[sal]

Hi Angie

Sorry you had such a rough evening, after your day got better. It doesnt harm you to have a good cry and help relieve some of the tension.

I am pleased Rob was able to go to the school with you this morning as after last night it would have been hard.

Well done for confiding in some of the mothers who pick their kids up, i am sure once they get to know you better they will give you some support.

You are having a really rough time at the moment, but it will get easier. I know that sounds like miles of but with our help and you continually trying to do things that you would rather not, you will get there hon.

Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[jude]

Hi Angie,

Please take heart. I used to be exactly the same. You CAN conquer this. You have to learn to relax inside, put yourself into zombie mode while you are walking and let it wash over you. I know it sounds hard. I have returned from school after the morning run and sobbed my heart out. But each time you go through this, you will get stronger. You will realise that IT ISNT GOING TO HURT YOU OR DO ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE.

I used to have a friend I walked to school with. I realised that I was using her to get through the agony. So I told her I was walking alone in future. You have to do this alone.
Like you, I thought I would scream or pass out but YOU WONT.
Your legs will shake, your heart will thump, your mind will race, you may even feel faint, but NOTHING will happen.
I promise, I have been there.

If you need to, use your mobile phone to call someone, me if you like, while you take the journey. You will be alone but still have the support.

Be brave and pass through it. I promise it will be OK

Jude x

[JPF]

Angie

Look on the tears as a pressure release - stress/anxiety always has to come out - and it's hard to feel like you'll get through it when you're so low.. but you will come out of this, you won't feel this way forever.. it can be a slow old progress but we all get there in the end.. hang on in there. pamper yourself a bit and try to actively find ways to get your mind off the bad stuff.. I always find a few gallons of Rescue Remedy helps me!

We're all here, ready and willing to help/listen and we do understand..

Remember, it will pass and you will get through this!

Good luck and good health

J

[tracyp584]

Angie,

I feel for you as you sound just like me.! The school run ruins my whole day. From the minute i wake up, i worry about how i am gonna get them there, and then when i have, i worry for the rest of the day about how on earth i am gonna pick them up. It is tough, and so hard, and to be honest other than keep on doing it, i have no advice,other than chat to someone on the phone, i find this sometimes distracts me enough, but am always around if you wanna chat!
Take care

tracy x x

[angieb]

Thank you all so much - It's like I have opened the floodgates, can't actually stop crying now [:o)] What a clown...doh!

I called NHS direct today as just the thought of going to the doctors makes a) cry and b) panic. They were really lovely and even said to call them if ever I get an attack during the night. They really want me to go to the doctors as they say they think that depression may be creeping in now too. I'd rather just get some natural help if I can.

They gave me this number 0845 120 2916 - it is a charity called First Steps to Freedom. We can all call this number anytime between 10am and 10pm if having a panic attack. They have people who are trained to talk you down apparantly. They are also sending me some info about phone one to one and group therapy sessions that they offer. Has anyone here used them or their councelling?

Hope I am OK to post the number I just thought that others may be able to make use of it if in the middle of an attack.

On the school countdown down...great!!! I know, I will get through it:D

Strangly though after all the crying, I don't actually feel nearly so uptight this afternoon, just sad now.

[jude]

Good girl. Go for it. You will be fine.

I had a great relaxation tape from first steps.

Jude x

[sal]

Hi Angie

Well done for contacting NHS Direct and i am pleased they have given you that number so you can get immediate support.

I know you dont want to go to the doctors, but i am just worried that this anxiety will bring more depression with it and you really dont need anymore to contend with at the moment. It will be worth a visit so you can tell them how you are feeling and if you think you may struggle write it down for them to read.

Hope the school run goes okay.

Thinking of you.

Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[angieb]

Hi all

I think the tears are doing me good because I felt 90% normal picking Millie up. It is such a lovely afternoon I just ambled through the church and collected Millie - no anxiety all all...ARGHHHHH

Even managed to go to a very small local supermarket for a few provisions so that is an improvement by itself[^]

The mood swings are amazing, one minute rock bottom next minute OK, is this normal?

Thanks for your concern Sal re the docs, I don't feel depressed, just
P!x"ed off with it[}:)] I am not having any probs eating, or doing stuff around the house (even made £230 on ebay this week selling stuff that I was going to just chuck out whilst spring cleaning!)

So will try to take advantage of this wave of Ok-ness and try to remember it tomorrow morning at about 8.45am;)

It is a weird one!

[Juneie]

Sorry you are feeling bad today Angie, well done though with what you achieved this afternoon. Hope you dont mind me making a few suggestions, Ive been exactly where you are and there are a couple of things that really help me when I have to go out to pick my daughter up, not that I do it often now she is older, but I used to panic on the school runs. About an hr before I used to go on the afternoon school run id listen to a relaxation CD/Tape, I used to worry that Id fall asleep or something, but soon overcame that and set the alarm and I was never late. If I still felt bad, id have a cup of camomile tea, in my opinion its not used enough, its helped me through many a bad patch. Recently ive found two body sprays in my local Lloyds Chemist by INNOXA, one called 'Peace' one called 'Calm' both of which contain Camomile, I dont know if they are widely available, perhaps it sounds a little daft to rely on such things, but I find the smell so calming and really helpful.

June x

long term panic/anxiety sufferer, add agroaphobia to that, fed up

[Meg]

Hi angie,

Tears are immensely internally and emotionally cleansing and they have natural calming hormones in and so are a really good way to help have a clear out. Go for it

**'From the minute i wake up, i worry about how i am gonna get them there, and then when i have, i worry for the rest of the day about how on earth i am gonna pick them up'**

This isn't getting any easier as you are constantly reinforcing the message that its going to be really awful. You need to write down the experiences of today which went well and then read it again and again and when you go tomorrow keep comforting yourself with the successes of today .

Speak gently to yourself and reassurre yourself each step of the way that you will be fine and you have done this before and been absolutely fine afterwards...

Well done too on the supermarket.


It is normal to feel down and full of self pity - this does not necessarily mean you are clinically depressed.

Yes its fine to post their number . It is on the links already .




Meg
www.overcominganxiety.co.uk
You cannot conquer fear until you have learned what it is you're afraid of. The enemy is ignorance. Vivian Vance

[angieb]

Thank you ladies, it is amazing, when written down it looks so obvious doesn't it - if only it were that easy.

I have also made another decision this afternoon, I have booked an appointment next week with a stress and anxiety therapist and after speaking to him just now really feel it is a wise move. His initial consultation is free thereafter £48 per session (something to spend the ebay gains on I suppose [8D]. He councils, listens, retrains and also uses some hypnotheraphy. I will keep you posted as to how it goes.

I agree with the tears thing, I honestly have not cried like I have yesterday and today for years and mean probably since I was a child. It feels great, my heart rate is near normal this evening - the first time in three weeks!!!!

Have a good and well evening all.

Angie

[sal]

Hi Angie

Pleased you have had a better afternoon and picked Millie up with no anxiety. Yes i agree with you it will be money well spent and well on the way on the road to recovery.

It always helps to have a good cry, relieves all that tention.

Have a good evening hon.

Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[seh1980]

hello Angie,

Am glad that you are feeling on the up - you WILL get through this!!

Sarah :D

[nomorepanic]

Angie

Just read this post from start to finish and it was lovely to see an improvement over just these few posts.

When I did one of the trips to Wales I sat in a layby and cried my heart out to Meg cos I couldn't go on but it really helped. When I got close to crossing the Severn bridge I started to cry again and it actually helped me get over it cos it released so much tension.

Good luck at the therapist - you must let us know how you get on.

If you want to PM me your ebay name I will see if you have anything I want to buy lol

Big well done on getting over this and doing the school run again.

Onwards and upwards eh?

Nicola

[henri]

hey angie,
just wanted to say well done for doing the school run and i hope you feel like you've achieved something. i think that crying probably did you a lot of good and got rid of some of the stress!
hope it goes well with the therapist,
henri x