Sabr24
17-09-24, 09:59
Hello, IÂ’ve been on here awhile with health anxiety, and I am honestly looking to vent.
My husband and I tried to conceive going on two years, I was self diagnosing myself with everything under the sun for why I wasnÂ’t able to conceive. We finally found a Dr who was willing to give me medications to try, and in June I found out I was pregnant with our first baby.
In the recent weeks, we have learned our baby is a girl, and every appointment it seemed everything was going perfectly. At my 12 week appt, it was found that I had an asymptomatic UTI. I was on vacation at the time, and after googling that bacteria I was panicking, assuming the worst for my baby and I. My doctor called me in antibotics, but I was still very upset.
A little over a week ago ( September 9 ) I woke up with cramping after needing to pee. It scared me so badly that I had my husband take me to the ER. The hospital is one of my worst nightmares. My blood pressure shot up as did my heart rate, and my white blood cell counts were on the high side. I was trying everything to make myself calm down, but I just couldnÂ’t and they decided to keep me that night since my pulse was so high. The next day September 10, my white blood cell count was back to normal, and they released me. They had also checked on my baby throughout the visit, and we got to see her move and everything in the ultrasound with no problems noted.
Fast forward to September 13, I woke up with cramping again. I assumed this was similar to what happened just a few days prior, and I tried to calm myself down and get back to sleep but I couldnÂ’t. I finally got up as I knew I wouldnÂ’t be able to sleep, and thatÂ’s when it all happened with the fluid/bleeding. I again rushed to ER where they confirmed what was happening.
The entire experience was traumatic, my husband and I are both devastated. My baby was 14.5 , and she looked perfect. In addition to the overwhelming sadness, my anxiety is at an all time high. I canÂ’t sleep at night, replaying everything. ItÂ’s currently 3 AM, I woke up at 1 AM with what feels like heartburn, and am now unable to go back to sleep, wondering if itÂ’s something more serious. And then I start wondering if my arm is hurting too.
I keep wondering if my anxiety caused the miscarriage and blaming myself. My NIPT test was normal for generic abnormalities, and the doctors told me these things just happen and that I canÂ’t blame myself, but I feel I have to. IÂ’m so scared of everything, my body is going through so much right now changes wise, and I have a follow up and they keep warning me to monitor myself for fever so anytime I feel chilly I start panicking.
I guess I just needed a space to vent since itÂ’s 3 AM and I am all alone not able to sleep and scared and just stuck in my own thoughts. IÂ’m thinking of getting melatonin tomorrow if that will even help me. I messaged my dr begging him to find out what is wrong with me for my body to have failed my baby like this, and he is going to talk to me in person Thursday.
My husband and I tried to conceive going on two years, I was self diagnosing myself with everything under the sun for why I wasnÂ’t able to conceive. We finally found a Dr who was willing to give me medications to try, and in June I found out I was pregnant with our first baby.
In the recent weeks, we have learned our baby is a girl, and every appointment it seemed everything was going perfectly. At my 12 week appt, it was found that I had an asymptomatic UTI. I was on vacation at the time, and after googling that bacteria I was panicking, assuming the worst for my baby and I. My doctor called me in antibotics, but I was still very upset.
A little over a week ago ( September 9 ) I woke up with cramping after needing to pee. It scared me so badly that I had my husband take me to the ER. The hospital is one of my worst nightmares. My blood pressure shot up as did my heart rate, and my white blood cell counts were on the high side. I was trying everything to make myself calm down, but I just couldnÂ’t and they decided to keep me that night since my pulse was so high. The next day September 10, my white blood cell count was back to normal, and they released me. They had also checked on my baby throughout the visit, and we got to see her move and everything in the ultrasound with no problems noted.
Fast forward to September 13, I woke up with cramping again. I assumed this was similar to what happened just a few days prior, and I tried to calm myself down and get back to sleep but I couldnÂ’t. I finally got up as I knew I wouldnÂ’t be able to sleep, and thatÂ’s when it all happened with the fluid/bleeding. I again rushed to ER where they confirmed what was happening.
The entire experience was traumatic, my husband and I are both devastated. My baby was 14.5 , and she looked perfect. In addition to the overwhelming sadness, my anxiety is at an all time high. I canÂ’t sleep at night, replaying everything. ItÂ’s currently 3 AM, I woke up at 1 AM with what feels like heartburn, and am now unable to go back to sleep, wondering if itÂ’s something more serious. And then I start wondering if my arm is hurting too.
I keep wondering if my anxiety caused the miscarriage and blaming myself. My NIPT test was normal for generic abnormalities, and the doctors told me these things just happen and that I canÂ’t blame myself, but I feel I have to. IÂ’m so scared of everything, my body is going through so much right now changes wise, and I have a follow up and they keep warning me to monitor myself for fever so anytime I feel chilly I start panicking.
I guess I just needed a space to vent since itÂ’s 3 AM and I am all alone not able to sleep and scared and just stuck in my own thoughts. IÂ’m thinking of getting melatonin tomorrow if that will even help me. I messaged my dr begging him to find out what is wrong with me for my body to have failed my baby like this, and he is going to talk to me in person Thursday.