lymph node anxiety [Archive]

hopegirl

17-04-20, 08:32

Hello, i just joined this forum after weeks and weeks of reading the support available on here. For background knowledge I'm 18/F, been healthy my whole life apart from a surgery when I was a baby. Like many people on here, I'm worried sick about my lymph nodes.

I'm really skinny and I've been able to feel one lymph node on either side of my neck since I was 14, but I played with the one on the right side so much that it feels much much bigger, it never went fully back down to the original size, and I poke it so much that it can feel sore. The other night my anxiety really peaked and I ended up crying to my parents about it (a bit lame I know, since I'm technically an adult at this point). My dad felt my lymph nodes, he couldn't feel the big one so he told me that I've got nothing to worry about. He had health anxiety really badly a few years back, so he was trying to comfort me by saying if there were any problems after 4 years with that node, I would be extremely sick by now and the node would be the size of a golfball.

So I was reassured...for about 2 days. I've got a slightly sore throat at the moment and I had been poking the node yesterday, so it's no wonder it feels like it has swollen today. But in the last four years, the node has never gotten bigger, to me it feels like 1.5cm or maybe even 2cm, if I leave it alone for a few days it shrinks, and I don't have symptoms like weightloss, fatigue, night sweats etc. My local GP is closed due to coronavirus so I can't exactly go there for reassurance, but I don't even know if it's worth seeing a GP at this point, since my node has been the same for 4 years. I can't shake the fear of lymphoma, especially low grade lymphoma, which I heard can take years to present itself.

Any reassurance would be very much appreciated, during this whole pandemic I feel like my anxiety is reaching an all time high.

hopegirl

17-04-20, 09:03

I’d like to add that I had bloods taken about a month ago for an unrelated issue that all came back clear

Lolalee1

17-04-20, 12:28

Hi:DYour dad is right 4yrs and you would be sick,poking and prodding doesn’t help.If your tests came back clear that should be reassuring.We are going through a terrible time of coarse your anxiety will be high,you will be ok.Take some time out and do some breathing techniques and relaxation exercises
Be kind on yourself.x:hugs:

hopegirl

21-04-20, 08:53

Thank you for responding. it's just a very difficult time to be dealing with HA. Hope you are doing well

hopegirl

28-04-20, 12:43

Really feeling helpless and so incredibly anxious about this bloody lymph node. I'm struggling to rationalise my thoughts. Why now, after 4 years of having this palpable node? Surely there's nothing seriously wrong, but I really can't control my thoughts about it :(((

katniss

28-04-20, 23:10

Lymph nodes are important parts of our body but they are a literal nightmare for the hypochondriac. I have them too and I feel them from time to time and just like yourself I drive myself down the rabbit hole. Yes, yours sound absolutely benign to me. I can relate and so can many others on this forum :)

Deepseathree

29-04-20, 07:11

I know you post “why now after 4 years”. Anxiety doesn’t need a time frame or reason.

Have you ever brought it up to your GP during those four years, or have they ever palpated around that area during examinations?

Not to downplay your worries, but In all honesty, at the moment given how long you’ve had the problem, I wouldn’t put too much weight behind it being something serious.

hopegirl

29-04-20, 08:15

Last month I went to the GP for a different issue, he briefly felt around my neck to check for swollen nodes but he didn't find any/none stood out to him, which basically means my node probably isn’t that big. As soon as my GP reopens I will go there for a medical opinion on my lymph node, hopefully he’ll confirm that it’s nothing and I can get started with some counselling to resolve this issue. Thank you everyone for responding :)

hopegirl

15-05-20, 17:56

I was able to get an over the phone appointment this morning. The doctor was really not concerned, borderline dismissive, but it's understandable - the node isn't easily felt, its about the size of a kidney bean, hasn't changed in years etc. He said to just monitor it and come back if it gets bigger (which, after 4-5 years, doesn't look likely). Unfortunately I think I'm so far into the HA spiral that I feel no different after the appointment. It hasn't eased my worries one bit and I'm still obsessively checking the node, which in turn obviously makes it worse. This whole lockdown thing has definitely negatively impacted my mental health. Hope everyone on here is feeling okay.

NotDeadYet

15-05-20, 21:31

hopegirl

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Lymph node anxiety can become all consuming. Know that you aren't alone and please reach out if you need any guidance or help on how to take control.

Best Wishes

hopegirl

31-05-20, 15:41

I developed a habit of poking and feeling my neck for my lymph nodes, and I did it every hour, every day for over two months. I haven’t poked for three days now, and while my anxiety has subsided somewhat without the constant prodding, the worry is still there. None of my family are concerned about the node, they are concerned about my mental health (frankly, so am I). I have to keep reminding myself that I’ve had this palpable node for over 4 years, it hasn’t changed, it isn’t visibly noticeable (Unless I crane my neck in awkward angles), lots of people I’ve spoken to also have a node here and there that they can feel. Over the phone, the doctor didn’t seem concerned and reminded me that my blood tests from the month before were all clear.

One of my current lingering thoughts is that the doctor told me to monitor the node and to come back if it gets bigger. How do I monitor the size without getting back into the habit that I’m trying to break? How do I move forward from this?

I still think I will see my GP in person when the surgery reopens. I’m so, so tired of this worry, it’s taken over my life, I can barely function.

Fishmanpa

31-05-20, 16:19

One of my current lingering thoughts is that the doctor told me to monitor the node and to come back if it gets bigger. How do I monitor the size without getting back into the habit that I’m trying to break? How do I move forward from this?

I still think I will see my GP in person when the surgery reopens. I’m so, so tired of this worry, it’s taken over my life, I can barely function.

But you have monitored it constantly for months and nothing has changed :shrug: Its time, as you said yourself, to stop self-checking. I think its wise to discuss your mental health with your doctor. That would be the way to move forward.

Positive thoughts

hopegirl

31-05-20, 22:16

Thank you for the reply, FMP. As soon as I’m able to I will talk to the GP, about the lymph node but focusing on the stress and anxiety that is has caused me. Hopefully he’ll be able to address it and give me some help, as he has been dismissive in the past. I just can’t believe how health anxiety has taken over my life, I feel so detached from the person I was before this started happening. I’m hopeful that I can move on from this, though. Thanks again :)

hopegirl

03-06-20, 10:18

Thought I’d give an update in case anyone comes across this in the future. Went to the doctor this morning who felt my lymph node, thoroughly checking my neck, and he said he’s not concerned in the slightest. We spoke about my mental health and he has referred me for counselling. Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to me on this thread in a time of need for me. Feeling hopeful!

Fishmanpa

03-06-20, 11:52

hopegirl

04-03-21, 11:37

Well, I never thought I'd be back here again, but here we are. The other day I found a lymph node under my collarbone and immediately spiralled in the same way I did last year. The node is tiny, maybe the size of a grain of rice or a pea, squishy and moveable, so logically I know that it's just a regular lymph node and I can probably feel it because I'm so skinny. I have already booked myself in for counselling again (starting next week) just to nip this in the bud before it becomes a bigger problem. And even though the rational part of me knows that the lymph node is normal, I can't stop worrying about it. From all my googling last year I know that collarbone nodes are more likely to be malignant. Can anyone else here feel a lymph node around their collarbone? I don't even think it's swollen, just palpable. Trying my best to be reasonable about this!

NancyW

04-03-21, 12:52

I don't even think it's swollen, just palpable.

Aren't lumps and bumps horrid for HA? Thing is lymph nodes are a normal part of our anatomy and they are literally little lumps that should be there. If we feel around enough we will find them.

My younger son had a string of visible nodes on his neck when he was little, my HA spiral was hortific. He's 27 now I can still see them when he turns his head.

Lymph nodes have a poor drainage system, they can enlarge for next to nothing and take for ever to go down. They can also scar and never go away.

I may hate them more than you, but we need them to protect us. I am glad you can feel the lymph nodes in your neck and under your collarbone, it means you're normal and have a functioning lymphatic system.

Londonlady

19-03-21, 13:30

I have the same colar bone lymph node I posted about it a couple months ago, wish I'd never googled! Just wanted to sympathise as I'm going through the same lately

Minimoonshine

31-03-21, 15:23

Eugh! I can so identify.. I noticed a collar bone node a few days ago... it's hard to tell the size, but it's sore, which is why I noticed it.. went down the Google rabbit hole of course and ended up reading all the horror stories about collar bone nodes and cancers etc.. also it's on the left which is apparently worse... anyway I went into complete panic mode.
After all this I then read about some people who had just had the covid vaccine getting swollen nodes in their collarbone and under arms.. it has prompted more doctor visits and there's a few articles now warning people to not worry if they get this after the vaccine... it's apparently a natural reaction. Anyway I had recieved my vaccine 2 days before I noticed the node, so it gave me slight relief.. BUT I'm in and out of panic about it, because I DO have night sweats and fatigue... although I am in perimenopause, which can cause both... so can anxiety... Also, I started questioning if it had been there longer than I thought.. had I felt it before but not looked it up so had forgotten about it?!
Anyway, my point is, I totally understood your fear and it doesn't even seem to matter that there is most likely a perfectly harmless explanation.. the real issue here is the HA and how this constant worry is just all consuming... so HUGS.
PS: Please don't think if you haven't had the vaccine, it must mean the worst... from the sounds of so many posts on here re nodes.. they are up and down a lot.. and I am still worrying even with the vaccine, cos I have the other symptoms... I've decided I'm going to keep an eye on it and if it hasn't gone down in the next week, then I'll contact gp... which scares the shit out of me...