View Full Version : New day, new anixety
So I've started this new thread (I've asked the mods about this and it seems okay too? I just to thank them for giving me that chance! I swear I won't go spamming with new post everyday)
Yet in that time when I couldn't get to post anything... I was doing okay. I was trying to hold off.. When I was running my fingers through my hair about a hour ago to put it into a high pony tail when suddenly I felt a very hard unmovable lump at the back of my head. On the left hand in cover my hair and way back from my ear. I tried feeling on both sides to calm me but this doesn't feel like the other side at all. It's hard, it's lump like it won't move. I've had a panic attack like I've not had in weeks. I actually couldn't breath (I know this was panic tho but still very overwhelming.)
All types of ideas starting jumping to my head like I've had lots of left side headaches lately, my left eye hurts, I've been totally exhausted the lump must be cancer. Sarcoma. I can't stop touching it, it defo feels wrong. It's scares me.And like it doesn't hurt, there isn't any redness or something there to say it's a pimple. Like I'm really worried about this. I can feel ir no matter what way my head is or even if I touch the area lightly I can feel it
I tried confronting myself by saying I've been wrong about lots of things before, I tried using my therapy methods but I can't calm. There's a panic in me. So I decided to write here, just venting this panic moment. I know no one can tell me the answer here but I have no talk to talk to in life. I feel so alone.
I don't have the money to go to the doctors for at least two months, due to other people person reasons I can't ask them... I also don't want to go running back as I know we're not all perfect but this.. Has really set me off. I know people will tell me I've had so many tests but nothing for my head, nothing for something like this. I feel like it may slip... I know this could be a over reaction.
I'm sorry to rant so much, I'm going to keep it all in once place to make it easier... But sorry for being so much I'm just really in edge right now.
SnowyGreen
23-02-19, 04:52
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SnowyGreen Thank you so much for the reply and sharing our story with me x
I'm trying to me reasonable and think maybe it's a under the skin spot or like you said just part of the skull! I've done my best to keep my hands by my sides all day but it can be hard to keep my mind set off of it :(
whispershadow
23-02-19, 19:56
How big is it, sarah? :hugs:
Thank you for asking hun x
I'm not to sure!! It's big enough!! I've manged to keep my hands off it all day! Trying not to think or look!! I do brush off it but quickly pull my hand away!!
Apprently I've gotta lumps like this under my hair before?? That isn't have any redness? But I'm not to sure :(!
whispershadow
24-02-19, 12:08
Thank you for asking hun x
I'm not to sure!! It's big enough!! I've manged to keep my hands off it all day! Trying not to think or look!! I do brush off it but quickly pull my hand away!!
Apprently I've gotta lumps like this under my hair before?? That isn't have any redness? But I'm not to sure :(!
Is it long? If it's long and across your head its likely its part of your skull, which is normal, your skull should be there :hugs:
No, it's like a circle or round shape? Like a lump. I allowed myself to touch it once this evening when I came home and it's defo more defined and harder then the other day. It's not that small either :( it's sore to touch. I keep trying to see if there's any redness to say it's just a spot but nope. I have super long hair so it's not easy to see the area. It isn't really movable at all.
Sorry for being so negative hun when you reached out to me x I wished it was long! So it was a easier excuse for me to believe then worry x
I'm very stressed about it now, as I'm getting lots of headpain, jaw pain etc. I know it's propbaly just the stress of it but I want to cry now. My mind keeps jumping to this is it, this is the end.
Charlie1108
24-02-19, 22:30
Is it not just a gland? I get them at the back of my head when I’m under the weather and sometimes if I have a spot on my scalp. It usually goes away in a few days. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t but they always feel very firm. My daughter who is a baby gets them too in the same place x
I’ve just re-read your post more thoroughly and it really sounds like a raised gland. And it would account for you feeling a bit under the weather. I’d definitely try and leave it alone for a few days as touching it will aggravate it. I’ve just felt the back of my scalp as I know there was a raised one a couple of weeks ago and I can still feel an ever so slight bump. When it was up it was far more pronounced - felt huge!
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Thank you so much for this info and trying xxx it means alot. Like I do tend to get like pimples or stuff under my hair normally that comes with redness but this is just a lump without any redness! It freaked me out as I haven't had something like tbag before (but Apprently someone said I have?)
I know shouldn't go into full freak attack about everything but suddenly finding a lump that feels like a bad lump... Isn't good for the nerves! I'll try to keep my hands off! Promise. In the words of Willie Nelson or the Pet shop boys it was always on my mind tho haha.
All jokes aside thank you so much, I'll try to be positive and leave it well alone x
Charlie1108
24-02-19, 23:01
If it is a gland then there won’t be any redness. It’s just your body’s natural response when it thinks it needs to fight an infection, which it’s why they sometimes pop up if there’s a pimple or something.
I know the panic train well. I wish I could try and be rational with my own health anxieties!
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Thank you a million times over for replying x
I'm trying to be reasonable about this and take deep breaths....I know people in my life will think I'm being very dramatic- which I am. This always feels so real to me. I wish my mind didn't always joke to things like that! Sorry if I keep saying the same things over and over. Like I really can't afford to go to the doctors right now as my job hours have been cut back alot and I have lots of other issues....So alot! Sorry everyone if I'm being annoying.
Today I did my best to just live, it was hard when I was showering and had to wash my hair! I tied my hair back so I wouldn't be pushing it back all day. The area hurt sometimes and my head felt funky. I let myself touch it once and I'm not sure if it's smaller but it's just as hard. It's alot but I'm doing my best to sit on my hands and not panic to much. The area mainly hurts if it's pushed down on? Like when I lay down I can feel it or if I push against in the one time aday I allow myself to touch.
I'm glad I didn't google it...because we all know what would come up. Cancer after cancer....so that's not gonna help! I know, even if I try googling things like ug, non-red under skin hard lump that hard to move but not something bad...what is the chance it would give back a non bad result! :wacko:
Sorry for spamming this but like I'm writing my thoughts, it's not that far at the back of my head? Like it's not towards the center. It's more towards my ear but in the hairline. My ear on that left side also is swollen in part of the swell of the ear? Like I know if I have to go to the doctor in a few weeks if it didn't go away but that anxiety and the fact in a few weeks I can't afford it. I'm just getting more stressed about this whole thing. Like for the last few weeks as well I've been getting lots of nose issues? Like blood when I blow my nose, being blocked and lots of icky stuff.
God, I know you're all going to be upset with me...if anyone reads it. I'm sorry. I was brushing my teeth and I opened my mouth to look inside (I have a wisdom tooth coming down at the back) and I notice that my tonsil on the right side (the other side I've been freaking out about my lump at the back of my head) is huge? It seems to be in two parts...I think it's always been bigger but when my mind is in melt down I can't remeneber these details. Like I said, I can't afford any medical help right now. So sorry for over stressing
Midnight-mouse
26-02-19, 07:45
Is the wisdom tooth coming in on the same side that you’ve been experiencing the swelling in the ear etc? I only have one wisdom tooth thats come through but it was awful! So much surrounding pain and inflammation.
The bump honestly sounds like a spot to me. I get plenty in my hair line that don’t get red at all.
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Hi hun! Thank you so much for replying. The side the wisdom is coming down on and the tonsil are on different sizes! I think it might have always been bigger and my mind is over working itself! That's what I'm trying to tell myself. I've been to lots of appointments and the real chances are they would have noticed it! It just hard when I've got some other stuff going on like my nose been really acting up in lots of ways as well!
Hey there :)
I have been battling with Healthy Anxiety too recently. I come up with new symptoms everyday and assume the worst in everything. From colon cancer to lymphoma to ovarian cancer and this and that. It has been a never ending cycle for me recently.
Especially colon and ovarian are extremely rare at my age, 23.
I noticed a small bump on the back of my neck/head around my hairline on my right side. I am assuming the same spot as yours. I am trying to tell myself that it is nothing because from what I read, usually swollen lymph nodes show up in your groin area/front of the neck/under arms, and EVEN THEN, there is a much bigger chance that it is a non-cancerous cyst/lump.
Before I had HA, which is around few weeks ago, I remember having lumps in my head, in my underarms and even my pelvic area. I didn't have HA then so I didn't bother about them, and they slowly went away and nothing happened.
Now that I have HA, I force myself to look for symptoms all over my body.
I would suggest you (oh look who is talking :P) to stop googling.
The problem with google is that they will 1) relate everything to cancer and 2) they usually do not talk about the severity of the symptom. They just list the symptoms which happens to everyone.
Ah, its so much easier to advice someone else on something I need to follow myself :D
Thank you so much for replying Glittery x
I'm sorry you have to deal with so much anixety! I know it's awful to have to handle. I know I'm the same! It's so much easier talking to someone about their issues and helping then out sometimes then it is trying to handle your own stuff! :shrug: :ohmy:. I hope you find some peace of mind soon x
Today I did my best not to worry to much, I went out with a friend for awhile. Did my normal only letting myself touch it once thing- I think it might be smaller? I'm not to sure as I wouldn't let myself feel around to much. I haven't let myself look into my mouth at my tonsils tho! Even tho I've been feeling kinda strange in my head/nose/neck area. I think my sinus might be a issue again! I've had lots of nose issues. I've also been very tried- but I'm also on my period (sorry if that's tmi). I keep trying to tell myself I'm being to hyper wear of things, looking for things. I've been wrong or dealt with other issues I've had. Like I saw someone say here somewhere before just because I fear it doesn't make it true
Like I have feared so many illness, I've never been right. I try saying that over and over again but my mind can be a hard place but I'm fighting! Like I try telling myself that it's good the lump area hurts when I press on it- that's normally a good sign it's nothing to bad. Like with my tonsils I have no issues with swallowing etc etc. Trying to calm myself
Like I said before, I hope I can get a grip on this soon as I really don't have the money to go to the doctor or anything right now. My own money issues have been playing on my mind also :(! There's a few other issues going on besides health worries (that's always going on sadly.)
Just wanted to update here:
So, I've stop myself from touching the lump at the back of my head. I think it was smaller the last time I checked? It still hurts in the area sometimes but I'm keeping the hand down. I wished things were going better on the other side of things! My tonsil still looked bad but I'm only allowing myself to look once a day. Still very big and scary looking- I've had so issues now with my ear and jaw on that side....which I'm trying to tell myself is just something small. My nose is still blah. I just feel so ill and out of engery.....I'm so tried of always worrying. I can't afford the doctor, so its alot
I've been having issues sleeping again, up until 5 or 6 am just over worked with so much fear and anxiety. I'm feeling very alone in life right now
Is it possible that my tonsil could be swollen as I did have a lot of cases of throat infections in the past and I'm just being dramatic right now and being hyper aware? Sorry I really don't want to google.
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I can't sleep, I was resting my head in my hand and I was starting my neck (the side with the swollen tonsil) and I felt something in my neck. Something not on the other side. Something hard and I'm crying. I'm really sorry. I know I'm being dramatic and I'm crying about something one week and then something the next. I have no one to talk to and I'm desperate.
I know this sounds so stuipd like people are thinking that this is just something like a infection or something. I'm sorry
Midnight-mouse
02-03-19, 07:26
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I can't sleep, I was resting my head in my hand and I was starting my neck (the side with the swollen tonsil) and I felt something in my neck. Something not on the other side. Something hard and I'm crying. I'm really sorry. I know I'm being dramatic and I'm crying about something one week and then something the next. I have no one to talk to and I'm desperate.
I know this sounds so stuipd like people are thinking that this is just something like a infection or something. I'm sorry
Stop apologising, none of us would be here if we hadn’t of had a run in with anxiety ourselves either past or present. What you’re experiencing is a symptom of a condition that can be really tricky to get under control at times. Would you be apologetic like this about a physical health problem? It’s the same thing in regards to it’s real and it’s causing you this distress.
Now on to the tonsil, after I had tonsillitis/strep throat 5/6 years ago my tonsils have been uneven and larger than they ever were before. They have gone down a little to when I had the infection but never all the way and my right one was still pretty huge until last year. You probably felt the tonsil through your throat, I can still feel one of mine too.
It does sound like you could have had or have an infection in the throat/sinus area, or it could just be viral. These things can last a while before they settle down, even longer when we are worn down with stress and anxiety.
Positive vibes,
Mouse
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Stop apologising, none of us would be here if we hadn’t of had a run in with anxiety ourselves either past or present. What you’re experiencing is a symptom of a condition that can be really tricky to get under control at times. Would you be apologetic like this about a physical health problem? It’s the same thing in regards to it’s real and it’s causing you this distress.
Now on to the tonsil, after I had tonsillitis/strep throat 5/6 years ago my tonsils have been uneven and larger than they ever were before. They have gone down a little to when I had the infection but never all the way and my right one was still pretty huge until last year. You probably felt the tonsil through your throat, I can still feel one of mine too.
It does sound like you could have had or have an infection in the throat/sinus area, or it could just be viral. These things can last a while before they settle down, even longer when we are worn down with stress and anxiety.
Positive vibes,
Mouse
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Thank you so, so much for this. It means so much to me you took so much time to write all of this. I know I'm being over dramatic and over aware of everything. Like I woke up today and my throat was the sorest it's been and it all feels horrible. Probably the rest of me poking and digging at it so much. I didn't help myself much today, I slept in until 12-ish, then feel asleep again from 2 to around 5ish. So I feel worse. While my throat is actually swore now- I've tried taken some over-the counter spray I already had and I'm hoping for the best. Thank you so much again for the reply.
I ended up telling my friend my worries (She asked how I was and it kinda poured out and now I'm feeling so guilty as they shouldn't have to deal with it. I've been much better keeping it myself or online lately). She was supportive, telling to be calm and it's not anything bad. She did say go to the doctor to put my mind to rest but she quickly said afterwards maybe that wouldn't be a good idea not to keep the cycle of anxiety going.
I just wanted to update this, I worked a ten hour at shift today- which was good as it means some money coming in. I manged to keep my hands to myself, not poking or pushing. This morning was the worst, everything felt awful. It was hard to swallow, my nose felt horrible- but it kinda clear a little as the day went on. My nose is still dried with blood alot, I'm trying to stay calm. I'll finally have some money on Thursday so I'm debating to make a doctor appointment or not but I know that will clear out alot of money and I'll be struggling again....ugh.
I just spend the whole evening feel uncomfortable, thinking and thinking about it- I just looked into the mirror and I thought the tonsils and it looked so horrible- lumpy. Strange. I'm just calling the doctor tomorrow, talk about the possibility of meds also even though they haven't really worked out before.
I have a doctors appointment for Wednesday, might as well get it over and done with. My mind keep been becoming up with lots of bad ideas all day. I've been so exhausted lately. I'm scared of so many things, I feel so alone. I don't really have anyone to talk too, like I mentioned to my Mam that I was going to the doctor Wednesday and I could feel the eyes going into the back of her head. I know I'm letting her down and disappointing her with this. She's a good man but I can see she's so annoyed with me, it hurts. I'm not talking or telling anyone more about it. I have so much phycail stuff going on I'm not going to list as I don't want to get on anyone nervous on here either. I'm sorry
I went to the doctor today, had a good chat with her. All seems fine, which is a little supring as my throat still feels dry and sore (didn't feel like I talked about it right but since she did look into my mouth and say all looks fine it's probably my own over thinking...)I still feel like shit tho. No more tests--not even a blood test. Which to be honest I'm supirse that in happy with that. No more waiting.
Emotional... Need to work on things
Night's are very hard lately...
Sorry for rambling so much....I feel so alone. I don't understand how my throat still has so many issues. Like it hurts so much and like she said my tonsil looks good yet it feels strange whenever I swallow. So many other things. My doctor couldn't see anything, I know she's a good doctor. She checked my glands but my mind and all this it's alot. It's exhausting. I know since I'm 22 anything bad isn't likely.....My body feels so strange, my body feels heavy and I'm tried so much.
My life otherwise isn't great....I haven't been able to talk to any of my friends. I don't want to bother any of them, for them to see how stuipd I am.
My life otherwise isn't great....I haven't been able to talk to any of my friends. I don't want to bother any of them, for them to see how stuipd I am.
Talk to your friends, Sarah. Don't isolate yourself. If your friends genuinely care they will listen. Your anxiety disorder isn't stupid, even if the things it makes you focus on appear so to others.
I'm trying to not annoy anyone too much. Online or off. I haven't been great, my throat is still bad and I know that's probably half my own issues. It feels like there's something, like there's something back there when I swallow. But there's so swollen glands, my doctor looked into my mouth and said nothing seems amiss. I know I'm repeating and so...sorry I'm also having issues with exhaustion/lack of energy/sleep issues.Nights are the hardest. My mind can't help but jump to the worst case issue constantly. I know that's unfair to people who are actually suffering.
I had a big disagreement with one of my best friends on something I felt...well not that I was in the right about but it seemed unfair what she was doing. She said some nasty things to me and later she came back saying sorry and when I didn't reply right away I could feel she wasn't happy with that (over text I know that's a strange thing to say, but it was like she would be be typing them typing then stop) it added pressure to me. Like she's a great person but whenever she's gets into a relationship....things get harder.
Oh! I'm sorry, I was crying to myself about another issues. Like I said in my update just posted. Im having a issue with my best friend....and sometimes she mentions things to do with my mental health and like she has issues but it's like her issues are bigger then mine. So I find it hard talking to the others since I'm scared they'll all about me. Silly thoughts I know! You have some very kind words, thank you so much for replying
I've tried to make myself not post here as often, try to lean myself...it isn't always easy.
I feel like shit, I know I was at the doctors lately and I can't afford to go back again. Like my nose is constantly running/bleeding/blocked- so many different things. I've tried using a clearing pot, it helps a lil bit but it always goes back the same. It's been like that for along time now. Months, I'm worried it's something. Something like caner or something big. I'm such a idiot for not asking. I was so worried about my tonsil when I went into the doctor I didn't even bring that up....I feel so stuipd. I'm exhausted all the time, sleeping is hard....I just feel unwell. Like my mind keeps freaking, I've had so many blood tests, other scans but it's like...what if it's THIS
Personal things aren't great either, so many issues. Sorry for complaing so much.
Really struggling today, woke up with the worst stuffed up nose ever. The pressure causing it hard to breath and a banging headache...I've done my best to easy it/ I'm scared since this nose things been around for so long now
Really struggling today, woke up with the worst stuffed up nose ever. The pressure causing it hard to breath and a banging headache...I've done my best to easy it/ I'm scared since this nose things been around for so long now
Get sinuses checked out, Sarah. You can get spray from GP to help.
Get sinuses checked out, Sarah. You can get spray from GP to help.
I would but I really can't afford to right now and with their waiting times I would be waiting two weeks to see my gp anyway! I'm going to use a spray I've had before and try cleaning it out for awhile. Like it's been easier to breath through the last few hours. The fact it happens most days (mainly in the morning) but does kinda shift I'm taking as a good sign! I'm trying not to be selfish and panic to much about it being anything to sinister. Thank you so much for replying it means alot I don't mean to be ungreatful and disagree just to disagree.
Sarah
This is my first post to no more panic and I can really empathize with what you are going through. How many times have I ran to a doctor with Ebola, Malaria and all manner of illnesses. It all feels so real. Finally, I got tired of Doctor's waiting rooms and just let myself have the illness. So far so good...
Michael
Sarah
This is my first post to no more panic and I can really empathize with what you are going through. How many times have I ran to a doctor with Ebola, Malaria and all manner of illnesses. It all feels so real. Finally, I got tired of Doctor's waiting rooms and just let myself have the illness. So far so good...
Michael
Welcome! Thank you for having your first post being in replying to me :hugs:You've made some great points there! Like I had a long day at work today, I've come home exhausted but I made it through the day. Lots of ups and downs and still feeling bad in lots of ways- but still here!
So I was just sitting down watching tv, I was rubbing the back of head when I felt a lump at the bottom of my hairline at the back of my neck on the neck side. It hurts when I touched it so I hope that's a good thing. For one I couldn't cope and asked my Mam if it looked like I had a spot there. She said yes but there's no redness. I now this id something I've raved about before and I'm sorry :( Like ending this has put me on a worst edge.
Sorry for over sharing but like I've manged to keep my hands off. Suddenly like the fact I've had this nose issues and like head pressue for so long is making me worried about sinster things. Like sometimes it's the morning when my nose feels the worse. I'm sorry for being so selfish and posting so often. Like I said before I can't afford to go to the doctors and I can't ask anyone to help because they are all feed up at me. Like after asking my Mam about the spot, I was stracting near the area without thinking and she snapped at me about it. Sorry again
So I've been away for a little while, trying to gather my thoughts.
My nose was better for a lil bit. I used to the bottle to clear it out, I brought a natural spray. Then about three days ago I kept getting blood after blowing. One nose tends to be very dry and blood bits (the outside area of the nostrils is red and swore) while the other feels clogged up and somewhat blood. I'm going to do my best to keep calm. Not worry things like sinus cancer, nostrial cancer etc. My mind loves to run away with itself.
I've been struggling alot personally also. It has bent been a great time tbh
Hi!!! I think this might be one of the longest breaks I've ever taken! Maybe? In recent times and it hasn't been that long I know.
So!! Still get some strange stuff with my nose. Worse some times then others, I think it's a mix of weather and other factors. Trying to push along! Stop trying to blow it every two seconds to see something. I also get these small moments where it seems like the world's flicks on and off but its propbaly a moment of not focus I'm to aware of? Lots of lovely sinus pressue etc x
BUT
I've talked about alot of personal issues here also. Issues with a friend. Well it's a road, therapy is a road to follow with it but I could take a deep breath and say to myself in a way this is the start of what could be something better.
Hopefully it won't all go to the shit after this update
Today has been shit, I had a number of issues. My eye's feels strange and unfocused like I keep seeing strange things or something. Probably just overly trying to focus on things or just pushing the attention. It's all going to shit. Sorry about this
Are you suffering from lack of sleep? Or do you wear glasses at all? Sometimes there are logical reason for stuff, others it has to be chalked up to good old anxiety.:wacko:
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