notwavingbutdrowning
25-04-18, 15:15
Hi all, I'm new here. I hope someone out there can help me feel less scared and confused.
I've always been an anxious, nervous person who has suffered with health anxiety to a greater or lesser extent for years.
But recently my fear of discovering I have terminal cancer is sucking the joy out of every day.
This latest episode started around a month ago. I had sudden onset pain, hardness, and swollen feeling in my boob. I know that's quite common esp certain times of month but this did not feel normal! My gp thought it was prob an infection in a cyst (have had scares before that were cysts..breast and ovarian) but put me on antibiotics and referred me to hospital as a precaution.
I got home and turned to Dr Google...well immediately it brought up how breast infections were uncommon in non breastfeeding ladies (my kids are high school age) and to rule out inflammatory breast cancer...
In a nutshell I went to pieces. Shaking, palpitations, crying constantly. I also felt flu like and convinced myself this was the cancer spreading. My breast returned to normal after a day or two which reassured me a bit-but then I found a huge hard lump. I went back to gp in bits and begged her to bring my hospital appointment forward. She said she did not think I had any breast infection, the flu symptoms were probably just a coincidental virus, but her face turned serious when she felt the lump and she said she couldn't offer me reassurance.
I managed to get a cancellation appointment at hospital a few days later and a mammogram and ultrasound showed I just had loads of cysts. Dr said cysts would perhaps be an ongoing problem maybe for me now til menopause ie lumps, pain etc but not to panic in future. And to STAY OFF GOOGLE!
For a few hours I was elated. I didn't have breast cancer!
Then that very same evening, I was in the bath and suddenly wondered why a mole on my leg was darker than the rest. That sent me into meltdown again (esp as I'm pale with lots of moles, and have family history of melanoma). I also worried about a mole and odd skin patch on my breast. Tried to console myself with "surely the gp/ breast consultant would've recommended I get it checked out if they noticed it and were concerned" but that didn't reassure me because next morning I was back to Dr Google looking at images of malignant melanomas and convincing myself I had several. I even convinced myself my teenage son had one.
Since then my flu like symptoms have returned. Painful swallowing/glands in neck up. Feel tired and head burning up but no actual temperature. And chest and back pain, hard to fully inhale.
So now I think I've got melanomas, lung cancer, lymphoma, leukemia, to name but a few types of cancer.
I am going back to GP on friday. Originally to have him check my moles and discuss my anxiety. But now I have these other symptoms eg feeling ill, tight chest, swollen glands, I want him to check all that too. But the appointments are only 10 minutes, am so scared I won't get time to discuss it all or he'll think I'm just a time waster.
Has anyone ever felt like this? So much going thru my head. If I have cancer, I'm not mentally strong enough to go thru treatment. I'm scared of having to leave my family. What if it's cancer and already spread so quickly, and then my death really screws my kid's heads up and they end up making poor life decisions, having depression or anxiety due to losing their mum during puberty?
I should add that I have an amazing partner, but his attitude to health and symptoms are total opposite to me...just ignore it, he'd rather not know the worst! So I feel he could never understand how it feels, and how we HA sufferers would give anything not to feel this way.
Sending huge hugs to anyone who feels like me xx
I've always been an anxious, nervous person who has suffered with health anxiety to a greater or lesser extent for years.
But recently my fear of discovering I have terminal cancer is sucking the joy out of every day.
This latest episode started around a month ago. I had sudden onset pain, hardness, and swollen feeling in my boob. I know that's quite common esp certain times of month but this did not feel normal! My gp thought it was prob an infection in a cyst (have had scares before that were cysts..breast and ovarian) but put me on antibiotics and referred me to hospital as a precaution.
I got home and turned to Dr Google...well immediately it brought up how breast infections were uncommon in non breastfeeding ladies (my kids are high school age) and to rule out inflammatory breast cancer...
In a nutshell I went to pieces. Shaking, palpitations, crying constantly. I also felt flu like and convinced myself this was the cancer spreading. My breast returned to normal after a day or two which reassured me a bit-but then I found a huge hard lump. I went back to gp in bits and begged her to bring my hospital appointment forward. She said she did not think I had any breast infection, the flu symptoms were probably just a coincidental virus, but her face turned serious when she felt the lump and she said she couldn't offer me reassurance.
I managed to get a cancellation appointment at hospital a few days later and a mammogram and ultrasound showed I just had loads of cysts. Dr said cysts would perhaps be an ongoing problem maybe for me now til menopause ie lumps, pain etc but not to panic in future. And to STAY OFF GOOGLE!
For a few hours I was elated. I didn't have breast cancer!
Then that very same evening, I was in the bath and suddenly wondered why a mole on my leg was darker than the rest. That sent me into meltdown again (esp as I'm pale with lots of moles, and have family history of melanoma). I also worried about a mole and odd skin patch on my breast. Tried to console myself with "surely the gp/ breast consultant would've recommended I get it checked out if they noticed it and were concerned" but that didn't reassure me because next morning I was back to Dr Google looking at images of malignant melanomas and convincing myself I had several. I even convinced myself my teenage son had one.
Since then my flu like symptoms have returned. Painful swallowing/glands in neck up. Feel tired and head burning up but no actual temperature. And chest and back pain, hard to fully inhale.
So now I think I've got melanomas, lung cancer, lymphoma, leukemia, to name but a few types of cancer.
I am going back to GP on friday. Originally to have him check my moles and discuss my anxiety. But now I have these other symptoms eg feeling ill, tight chest, swollen glands, I want him to check all that too. But the appointments are only 10 minutes, am so scared I won't get time to discuss it all or he'll think I'm just a time waster.
Has anyone ever felt like this? So much going thru my head. If I have cancer, I'm not mentally strong enough to go thru treatment. I'm scared of having to leave my family. What if it's cancer and already spread so quickly, and then my death really screws my kid's heads up and they end up making poor life decisions, having depression or anxiety due to losing their mum during puberty?
I should add that I have an amazing partner, but his attitude to health and symptoms are total opposite to me...just ignore it, he'd rather not know the worst! So I feel he could never understand how it feels, and how we HA sufferers would give anything not to feel this way.
Sending huge hugs to anyone who feels like me xx