Reassurance please

[flatterycat]

I have been posting so much recently and I hope noone is getting fed up with me? It just helps to know that I am not alone.
At the moment my anxiety seems to be going throught the roof and I need some reassurance that it will go and that I will get back to my old self again.
I have a long history of anxiety, which started with panic attacks and health anxiety 20 years ago when I was 18. I battled with it and it went away, then when I was about 28 I had a bout of anxiety - not panic attacks as such - but an engulfing general fear everyday for a couple of weeks. This time I agreed to take Citalopram and continued to take it for the next 7 years. During that time I had another 3 'bouts' of the anxiety. Then this year I came off the tablets and was doing well. I recieved counselling and CBT but by the time my appointments came through I was always well again! Back in May this year I had a health scare and it sent my anxiety off again. I am now back in the eye of this horrible storm and can't see a way out. I have gone back on the tablets (4 weeks) now and thought they were kicking in because last week I seemed to turn the corner, but after a 'funny' turn (derealization) and googling my symptoms I fell back and now feel even worse. My doctor is very supportive and says that the tablets will work (they have before) and she has suggested that I take 5mg of diazepam until the anxiety goes down. Now I find myself in a constant battle with my mind. I feel that by agreeing to take the diazepam I am giving in and it almost feels that by doing this it's like saying I am so bad I will never get well. Does that make sense? My husband says I should take them and that all they are is a crutch until the Citalopram kicks in.
At the moment I am suffering in the following ways

Morning sickness/retching
Hot flashes of fear running through my whole body
A feeling that I will never get better (even though I keep telling myself I will)
Crying
Loss of appetite and losing weight
Horrible thoughts about health, mental state etc
Fears that I will completely lose it and be sectioned
and so on...
I just want to hear from others who have experienced similar feelings and get some reassurance. I feel like a lost cause:weep:

Thankyou for reading my long ramble

Sarah

[dee22]

hi sarah!
I feel the same way! i feel as if that im the only one who is not going to get better!. I did have anxiety before and i got through it so i think if i did it then i can do it again. but this time i seem to worry about stuff more like my health and so on. Im only 20 years old and this shouldnt be happening.


my symptoms are
- morning sickness i feel dizzy and shakey sometimes i want to throw up
- i too get those waves of panic even if im just sitting there doing nothing
- i panic so bad sometimes i gag and want to throw up
- just dread life im soo scared


i just keep trying to say to myself...these symptoms wont hurt you....because they cant but for some reason i keep thinking they can because they feel so horrible!!!
so your not alone so yuo can pm any time you want

[flatterycat]

Thanks for your reply Dee. It helps so much to hear from others experiencing the same. Still having a bad day. Had to have a cystoscopy today. Waited at hospital for 4 hours - procedure took 10mins!!!!! All clear, so at least that worry can be put away now. Just want the dreadful anxiety to go.

[tonyp]

Hi

I was there 4yrs ago, things will get better, try and get a copy of claire weekes book, explains everything in simple ways, hope you are feeling a alot better, take care

Tony

[flatterycat]

Thanks Tony
I'm going to have a look and see if I can get a copy on my ipod.
Sarah

[Debs8a]

Flatterycat, I have the exact same cycle as you! I could have written that myself. Don't feel bad about taking the diazepam. The drugs will allow your mind some time to rest and you will defo get out of the cycle of thinking you are not going to get better. How will you be able to think that if you ARE feeling better??

You will get better, you have before. Have faith in yourself. xx

[flatterycat]

Thanks Debs8a
Like I said before it makes me feel so much better to know others understand and go through the same cycles. Trying to think positively right now, but very hard!
Thanks again
Sarah x