Insomnia is back and I am so scared

[Dusty]

HELP ME PLEASE:

I need to know ways to cope with my re-occuring insomnia

(a) What to do when I can't sleep and I feel the anxiety welling up inside me.

(b) How do I cope the following day when I'm scared that it will all repeat itself that night.

The following is from my diary I was writing at 1:30am last night:


Fed up. Worried I am getting worse again. Going down hill. I have not a fortnight like this for months if not a year. Frankly I'm scared. I've been brave for days and things pickd up a bit but I'm scared where things are going.

Part of me know I have always got better in the past but right now at god knows what hour in the night all I can remember is all the bad nights and the old favourite: "how will I cope in the morning?"

I feel so alone. Listening to Alan snoring beside me does not help. Part of me wants to shake him awake and yell at him "I'm the one who was awake until 5am last night. I should be aleep not you."

IT'S NOT FAIR. I HAVEN'T HATED MYSELF THIS MUCH IN AGES. I'm turing into a complete waste of space.

I'm worried abot coping at work
I'm worried about Alan working away from home.
I'm worried when I wil sleep properly again.

Oh Lord, I'm crying now. I can't remember the last time I cried at night. I'm scared, I so b****y scared I'll never sleep properly again. Please, please someone help me.
So please any support or advise desperately needed. I have spent the last two and half years climbing out of the anxiety hole and I feel that in the space of a few days, I am falling back in very fast.

[blackie]

Hiya
Sorry to hear your going through such a bad patch.
I have suffered with not being able to sleep at certain periods trhoughout my life. Things i have been told about or have tried are
1) Drink a walm milky drink before bed
2) Aviod eating after 7.30 as this can lead you gastric upset
3) Try have a walm bath with lavenda
4) Put a few drops of lavernda incence on your pillow
(the above too only work if you like the smell)
5) Try having a bedtime routine to train your body to go to sleep
6) Make sure you room is at the right tempreture, open a window if its too walm or change to a summer dovea
7) Try relaxation teniques before going to bed.
8) Write a list of everything thats on your mind before bed.This can be useful if you lie awake worring about thnigs
9) I find listning to an audio book brillient. This has always helped me sleep. Obviously its harder having your hubbie with you but you could try using headphones.

The are some prescribtion thigs that can help with your hubbies snoring although im not sure how effective they are.
I know how horriable a bad night can leave you feeling and when it continues for a long period of time it can leave you feeling really run down and worried. Have you spoken to your doctor? they might have some more advice.
Take care
Blackie

[honeybee3939]

Hi Dusty

Try these links too, they may help, sending you a HUG Too hun.:hugs:

Sleep help
Sleep zzzzz (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5413)
insomnia, insomnia, insomnia etc.... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6002)
Sleep problems (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6260)
HELP! Problems with sleeping. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7144)

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Dusty]

Thanks guys.

Had a good chat with Alan this afternoon. He gave me mega brownie points for being so calm today despite the anxiety attack last night. We also yalked about possible triggers for this recent bout and realised that that the few bad nigths I've had in the fortnight all had external causes (strange bed syndrome, reading Fanfiction until after midnight, indian takeaway last night and, as I mention in one of previous posts, my period has gone completely haywire this month so my hormones are prob out of control.)

Therefore, because of the inability to drop off being cause by these kins of factors, we agreed it was the insomnia that led up to the anxiety attack last night and not the anxiety leading to insomnia. Does that make sense?

Still a little scared re: sleeping. But that is always a common feature when I've had a run of bad nights.

Blackie: I already do most of the things on your list (Alan is sometimes driven to distraction my insistence on sticking to my nightime routine) but I think I will try both the writing a list and relaxation techniques. Do you mean deep breathing and relaxing each muscle in turn? I've also never tried audio books but I did but on a lovely "Sea of Tranquility" CD after my attack last night and that was good to focus on. I also MUST have the fan on even if there is snow outside!

Honeybee: thanks for the links. They look like they'll be worth a good read.

Any other suggestions for coping when I find myself still awake in the middle of the night so I don't go off the deep end again would be very gratefully recieved.

[tnt808]

Dusty,


I am so sorry you aren't able to sleep. As quite a few of us on here know how awful sleep deprivation can be, it can lead to anxiety, crying bouts, moodiness..all those nasty things. I have suffered for so long in the past, and honestly the only thing that has cured me has been my infant daughter.
When she sleeps, I know I better get mine in. :)

Have you tried mindless reading? Something you don't have to concentrate too much on? Something that intrigues you, but won't upset you later.

Don't worry about going off the deep end...although, I know how tired you must be. If you need anything just pm me.

[Gryphoenix]

Ugh, I know how this goes. I hate the feeling of being awake in the middle of the night, just aching to go to sleep.

What works for me usually is (this is after I've probably freaked out with worry due to whatever I'm expecting won't get done the next day because I'm obviously going to be too tired to function--yeah, not helping but this is me. XD) I try to get my mind off sleeping for a few good minutes.

Get up and go to the bathroom, walk around, get a drink of water, read something boring. A good ten minutes even worked for me once. Just something to break the cycle of worrying about getting to sleep. I find myself falling into that habit and laying there for hours on end just telling myself to go to sleep. Usually doesn't work. I have to knock that repating worry-thought out for a loop so that when I try and go to bed again, I can just relax and let go and think about something else. Then I'm so exahusted anyway that sleep comes without me even realizing it (as sleep is wont to do.)

[PUGLETMUM]

hi guys,

ive also suffered with this recently, and it is really quite hard to deal with but it does pass! unfortunately then it comes back as in my case when my husband has to take his turn on nights at work (feeling all tingly now as he does a 4 night shift starting tomorrow!!!)

sometimes in the past ive dealt with it and then others i havent, and ive had to put all sorts of safety measures in place to reassure me.

this time i am in the middle of a 'bad' phase in my life as in the anxiety and panic are there alot, and im also pre-menstrual, so im not going to feel too good. but currently im determined to not let it get out of control(not sure whether i'll be as positive this time tomorrow!

anyway all i can add is that the worry makes it worse which we all know anyway so its taking the worry out of it, and being awake in the middle of the night is'nt something ANYBODY wants, our bodies NEED sleep and so it does'nt feel right to be awake. everything is magnified at night, im sure youve felt a dip in your anxiety as it comes light? only then to start worrying about how you'll get thru the day feeling so yuk? then to start worrying again around tes-time that youa re going to feel the same that night? so it is a cycle where the worry is causing the anxiety and then that in itself is going to hamper your sleep as adrenaline and sleep dont really go together.

i think its about getting off the worry cycle, i know how easy this sounds, but how hard it is in practice, i'll keep you posted as to whether i manage it myself!

all the best emma

[Dusty]

Hi

Thanks for the replies:

Emma, you described by kind of anxiety day to a T. It is all about the worry cycle in our mind. It's getting out of the cycle that can be the tricky bit. I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster at present. My anxiety are fluctuating more than a yo-yo!

Gryphoenix: Your advice about getting up and getting away from the "trying to sleep" was brill. I already knew I had to do it, but it can be hard just to giive up trying, because part of you feels you should be making an effort to got to sleep. How wrong is that?

Anyway guys, the good news:

Last Night I couldn't get my mind out of the worry cycle, even after reading a chapter of my book in bed (can work sometimes), so guess what I did?

I got up, I went downstairs, I made a hot milky drink (thanks blackie) and did a word-search! When I went back up about 20-30minutes later, I was shivery tired. And I then slept with no effort!!

Only down point was in making the milk hot I used the microwave and saw the time. I have been avoiding clocks at night since my ten-year-old was born so I don't add the worry about how long I've been trying to sleep for. Last night I know I got up at 2am.

But I did it! I slep without using a diazepam tranquiliser. Can I have a hug?

Feeling quite hyper and shaky now, but as I said in my diary: I must make this a go-with-the-flow-day and focus on getting through the next 12 hours. Lots of distracting I think! If you have space - please keep me in your thoughts. I feel I still have a long hill to climb before I am back to how I was two weeks ago.

[PUGLETMUM]

hey dusty,

that is brilliant that you found ways of dealing with the problem!

i know you dont feel like youre there yet, but you will be if you keep going on like that!

now ive just got to try and do it tonight as husband goes on first of 4 12 hour nights and my biggest fear has been of being alone for the last 3 months - something which i am getting help for but which is a very slow and painful process, especially when you've just been told that you are a victim of your support people!!!!!

im the other way round to you in that i had the sleepless phase 3 months back, got valium but never took them and got thru, but now this challenge and the worry over the relationships im seriously considering just taking the valium!!!!

ill keep you in my thoughts, but please keep me in yours!
emma

[Dusty]

Hi All.

I am fast heading towards the end of my tether. I just had another long night when it took me ages to go to sleep. On +ve I didn't panic, didn't take any more diazepam when I wasn't sleeping and I didn't hear the dawn chorus. I had a lavendar bath in the evening, used my vertiver oil and drank a hot milky drink. I was felling asleep on the sofa so I went up to bed. Did I drop off? NO.:weep:

I am so fed up with my insomnia. The more tired I get the worse my anxiety. The worse anxiety the less I sleep. I'm in a vicious circle and I've forgotten how to get out.

I am so scared. Last time I was spiralling downwards I was put on dothiepin which had a side effect of causing sleepiness. The problem is I'm still on the anti-depressant and the side-effects have worn off.

I was planning to go into work today - I am a secrtary in a Mental Health Service and if anyone should understand it is my colleagues. But I'm also wondering if I should go back to the doctor and look at reviewing my meds.

Help - what should I do?

[Dusty]

UPDATE: appointment with GP - 10.30. My sister-in-law (who is also one of my best friends and a fellow mental health case) told me - without being asked - to get straight down to the doctors ASAP and have my meds reviewed. She said I have been trying very hard and using all the techniques I learnt but some extra help is needed.

Making a decision has helped - even if it won't answer all my worries!

[PUGLETMUM]

yeah dusty maybe you do need some more help, its tough when you come to realise this, but it might not be meds, maybe cbt therapy, which i know im banging on about alot right now!!!

how about reading? last night i was still up at 11.30, but feeling quite tired as had had a physically busy day - but i was worried you know? tingling up backs of legs, palps and very tense tummy plus hot and sweaty thru pms!

but i thought id give my books a go instead of just lying there, so i did and it worked! i was drifting off with book open and light on, so i slept, but then woke up panicky at 1.20pm, but managed to talk self round without making phone call to hub at work!

so could you get some really good books, the ones that you really cant put down? or some interesting mags other that heat or hello? things that get you interested and distracted?

hope this helps?

emma

[Dusty]

HI Emma and all

Books are good. I have also found wordsearches excellent too.

GP has increased my dothepin by 25mg. When I first has my anxiety attacks it was the dothepin that calmed me down enough to sleep well. Here's hoping it works again.

One thing I was going to add - I called the Employee Wellbeing Service at work. They offer free confidential and independent counselling. I had it before about 2 years ago and it did help. There aren't any spaces at the moment but it is reviewed weekly so I'm hopeful I'll see someone very soon. And yes, Emma, if it's like last time it will be CBT!:yesyes:

Keeping thinking of me.