AthenaFaeyrn
02-08-17, 12:24
So around 2 nights ago I felt like there was a spot on my bum. I squeezed it and then turned around and saw it was actually a mole, not a spot. I've had the mole since for as long as I can remember, but it was always flat before (round, about the size of a pencil eraser head, one colour). But the other night, it was a little raised (even the skin around it a bit), and looked maybe a bit darker in colour. It was also itchy and I scratched at it.
The next day, it had scabbed over. A little scratch and it all came off. So it's pretty much just a scab now. I've read that if it doesn't heal up within two weeks, or if it keeps coming off, that I should get it checked out, but I'm just too anxious about this to wait.
I can't stop thinking about it, and I've been thinking a lot about my death and how long I have to live from now, thinking about my life and my history of mental illnesses and even trying to come to terms with the fact that I have been suicidal and that perhaps this is my bodies way of making that happen because I've never had the courage to attempt taking my life myself. I've been trying to reassure myself that this is just how it's going to be and that perhaps it's for the best.
I'm convinced I have skin cancer because I know that this shouldn't happen, and it's a very suspicious thing. I also have another atypical mole on my butt too. (Ugh, not looking forward to showing my mole-ridden butt to the drs!)
I'm seeing my doctor within the next hour, so I'll put an update here with how it goes.
I've struggled severely with HA before this for over a decade, so my boyfriend is absolutely fine, thinking this is just nothing, that I'm being hysterical as usual, and even frustrated because "there always has to be SOMETHING with you, doesn't there?" I feel very lonely in all of this. I can understand why he feels that way, but I don't feel like he understands that I actually now have something that most "normal" people would freak out about because it IS something that could actually be cancer this time!
I can't wait to see the dr soon.
---------- Post added at 12:24 ---------- Previous post was at 11:13 ----------
I've just got back from the dr. He didn't seem worried about my mole / moles at all... He took a look at both of them (the one I call "atypical" and the one that scabbed over) and just... yeah... like he seemed just like they were okay. However I pressed a little bit and he asked me if I'd like to see his skin specialist to which of course I said yes, so that's going ahead now. He said I should be seeing someone within 2 weeks.
My mind is a little more put at ease since he wasn't like taking one look at my butt and reacting like "omg wtf is that you need to see someone right away", so there's that at least.
The next day, it had scabbed over. A little scratch and it all came off. So it's pretty much just a scab now. I've read that if it doesn't heal up within two weeks, or if it keeps coming off, that I should get it checked out, but I'm just too anxious about this to wait.
I can't stop thinking about it, and I've been thinking a lot about my death and how long I have to live from now, thinking about my life and my history of mental illnesses and even trying to come to terms with the fact that I have been suicidal and that perhaps this is my bodies way of making that happen because I've never had the courage to attempt taking my life myself. I've been trying to reassure myself that this is just how it's going to be and that perhaps it's for the best.
I'm convinced I have skin cancer because I know that this shouldn't happen, and it's a very suspicious thing. I also have another atypical mole on my butt too. (Ugh, not looking forward to showing my mole-ridden butt to the drs!)
I'm seeing my doctor within the next hour, so I'll put an update here with how it goes.
I've struggled severely with HA before this for over a decade, so my boyfriend is absolutely fine, thinking this is just nothing, that I'm being hysterical as usual, and even frustrated because "there always has to be SOMETHING with you, doesn't there?" I feel very lonely in all of this. I can understand why he feels that way, but I don't feel like he understands that I actually now have something that most "normal" people would freak out about because it IS something that could actually be cancer this time!
I can't wait to see the dr soon.
---------- Post added at 12:24 ---------- Previous post was at 11:13 ----------
I've just got back from the dr. He didn't seem worried about my mole / moles at all... He took a look at both of them (the one I call "atypical" and the one that scabbed over) and just... yeah... like he seemed just like they were okay. However I pressed a little bit and he asked me if I'd like to see his skin specialist to which of course I said yes, so that's going ahead now. He said I should be seeing someone within 2 weeks.
My mind is a little more put at ease since he wasn't like taking one look at my butt and reacting like "omg wtf is that you need to see someone right away", so there's that at least.