AutieEmlyn
16-05-17, 17:12
hi everyone,i am new to the forum i never thought of anxiety having its own forums and recently i googled anxiety message boards and came across a couple including no panic.
my name is emlyn,i am a 33 year old transgender ftm and have learning disability [also known as intellectual disability in the US] and i used to be severely classic autistic-i stabilized enough to be dropped to a moderate classic diagnosis in my late twenties but my extreme anxiety never lessened;i am in constant severe to extreme anxiety mode and i am on a lot of medication for it,i was sectioned for four months around 5 years ago;in a learning disability hospital due to extreme anxiety and psychosis that triggered very severe challenging behavior but that placement was hell for my anxiety and i suffer greatly.
the worst anxiety i have ever suffered came from a bully online around 5 years ago who stalked me across autism and disability forums,he copied my then severely autistic/residential care blog as his own words to gain sympathy on forums which at the very least really upset me as i dont see my life as a bad thing and i have lots of potential unlike what he was portraying.
he groomed me at first,using my blog to befriend me-i thought he was the first human ever i could relate to and it was no wonder as he used my own traits/difficulties/life situations against me.
he then started bullying me,telling me very brutal things which i attempted to carry out.
i realise he was very jealous of me and the percieved attention i got,and after my old support staff got involved and stopped me using the sites he was on,i was a wreck-i was psychotic and my anxiety was untameable-i kicked off constantly,smashed a triple glazed window with my head and caused multiple epileptic fits by banging my head on the wall and floor for hours on end,this is why i ended up sectioned and i lost my placement at the residential home,i resented the bully for a long time because of that but i have a great life now living in my own supported living flat with constant support which he would be super jealous of,i feel sorry for him.
i have joined the forum as i want to speak to others with anxiety and want to find ways of dealing with my panic attacks and my constant anxiety,i dont want to just be reaching for the CBD vape and lorazepam all the time.
in terms of other conditions,i have bipolar,severe epilepsy [currently controlled mostly at the moment],severe damage to nerves in my spine caused by 20 hours of continuous police restraint-i dont blame them they had to do it,OCD [pure o,unofficially diagnosed by my last pyschologist] and paranoid pyschosis...other bits and bobs as well,eg my mother became alcoholic when i was 5 as she couldnt cope with me,she is a raging alcoholic still and i go to an ACOA [adult child of alcoholics] meeting every week as my mothers drinking causes me incredible anxiety.
i was told by my pyschiatrist recently that i need more activities in my life so im not focussing so much on my anxieties and my panic attacks so i have rejoined the special olympics;playing badmington,i have joined a professional arts studio for people with learning disability and i have joined an allotment for people with learning disability,i tend to steer clear of activities based around neurotypical people as they dont understand my needs and i was severely bullied by them my whole life,all of my [few] friends are either learning dis or mental health.
my interests [and obsessions] are animals including looking after my cat/my 400 litre tropical fish tank and my two rabbits,arts/crafts,using the internet,thomas the tank engine,autism and LD activism,TV:in the night garden,old thomas the tank engine,something special,trollied,family guy, american dad, bobs burgers,jeff and some aliens....
anyhow,sorry for the long intro,i waffle a lot when i get going,sorry.
my name is emlyn,i am a 33 year old transgender ftm and have learning disability [also known as intellectual disability in the US] and i used to be severely classic autistic-i stabilized enough to be dropped to a moderate classic diagnosis in my late twenties but my extreme anxiety never lessened;i am in constant severe to extreme anxiety mode and i am on a lot of medication for it,i was sectioned for four months around 5 years ago;in a learning disability hospital due to extreme anxiety and psychosis that triggered very severe challenging behavior but that placement was hell for my anxiety and i suffer greatly.
the worst anxiety i have ever suffered came from a bully online around 5 years ago who stalked me across autism and disability forums,he copied my then severely autistic/residential care blog as his own words to gain sympathy on forums which at the very least really upset me as i dont see my life as a bad thing and i have lots of potential unlike what he was portraying.
he groomed me at first,using my blog to befriend me-i thought he was the first human ever i could relate to and it was no wonder as he used my own traits/difficulties/life situations against me.
he then started bullying me,telling me very brutal things which i attempted to carry out.
i realise he was very jealous of me and the percieved attention i got,and after my old support staff got involved and stopped me using the sites he was on,i was a wreck-i was psychotic and my anxiety was untameable-i kicked off constantly,smashed a triple glazed window with my head and caused multiple epileptic fits by banging my head on the wall and floor for hours on end,this is why i ended up sectioned and i lost my placement at the residential home,i resented the bully for a long time because of that but i have a great life now living in my own supported living flat with constant support which he would be super jealous of,i feel sorry for him.
i have joined the forum as i want to speak to others with anxiety and want to find ways of dealing with my panic attacks and my constant anxiety,i dont want to just be reaching for the CBD vape and lorazepam all the time.
in terms of other conditions,i have bipolar,severe epilepsy [currently controlled mostly at the moment],severe damage to nerves in my spine caused by 20 hours of continuous police restraint-i dont blame them they had to do it,OCD [pure o,unofficially diagnosed by my last pyschologist] and paranoid pyschosis...other bits and bobs as well,eg my mother became alcoholic when i was 5 as she couldnt cope with me,she is a raging alcoholic still and i go to an ACOA [adult child of alcoholics] meeting every week as my mothers drinking causes me incredible anxiety.
i was told by my pyschiatrist recently that i need more activities in my life so im not focussing so much on my anxieties and my panic attacks so i have rejoined the special olympics;playing badmington,i have joined a professional arts studio for people with learning disability and i have joined an allotment for people with learning disability,i tend to steer clear of activities based around neurotypical people as they dont understand my needs and i was severely bullied by them my whole life,all of my [few] friends are either learning dis or mental health.
my interests [and obsessions] are animals including looking after my cat/my 400 litre tropical fish tank and my two rabbits,arts/crafts,using the internet,thomas the tank engine,autism and LD activism,TV:in the night garden,old thomas the tank engine,something special,trollied,family guy, american dad, bobs burgers,jeff and some aliens....
anyhow,sorry for the long intro,i waffle a lot when i get going,sorry.