Lissa101
06-03-17, 12:19
So, I'll give my history briefly. Around 5 years ago I had a complete breakdown following a prolonged period of extreme stress which culminated in my being a sole carer for my mum after she had a bleed on her brain. That first time it took me 18 months to get better. I recently had a bad relapse but have managed to get myself out of a very dark place and now, after 6 months, have started to enjoy life again. Although, I'm not yet able for f/t work and still feel restricted by anxiety on many days.
I've been feeling really positive and upbeat. Then, on Saturday, I get a message from my sister who has chose not to be in my life for 15 years. She has issues with my mum who was an alcoholic when we were kids. She chose to cut my mum out of her life but, inexplicably, cut me out too for no reason that I can find. During my mums various health problems (she also had cervical cancer several years ago) I've contacted my sister for support either to receive no reply or to be told that, sorry, but its not her problem any more.
My sister, it turns out, has an autoimmune disease that has destroyed her kidneys. As her only sibling I am her best chance for a living donor kidney. I just found this out on Saturday. I have sent her happy birthday/merry xmas messages every year for god knows how long and had nothing back. So, her motives for contacting me now are pretty obvious.
I'm now going through the most horrid turmoil I've ever experienced. Mentally, I know I am not fit to cope with being a living donor and already I can feel myself slipping back to the dark place of depression, anxiety and panic. My mental health issues have had a devastating effect on my finances, I became insolvent 2 years ago, and I don't have the money to support myself through a prolonged period of physical illness following major surgery and possible complications. I have a family history of heart disease, hypertension and stroke which typically does not exhibit itself until we reach our 50's - and the risks associated with these will be amplified if living with just one kidney. I've not had children yet and I'm 35. If I do this I'll have to delay starting a family for 2-3 years.
None of the above are enough to have me disqualified as a living donor. If I don't want to do it I'll have to say no, rather than rely on failing the screening process. But how can I look someone in the eye and tell them they could die because of my selfish decision? How could I live with myself? What would my mum think of me? And she has a young son who could be without his mother because of me.
I'm so angry and upset at the moment, I'm really a total mess. I can't stop crying and I'm finding it really difficult to do simple things. This huge, life-changing decision has been dropped onto my shoulders and its just crushing me right now. I literally don't know how to handle this.
Sorry for the long rant, its good to get it all out x
I've been feeling really positive and upbeat. Then, on Saturday, I get a message from my sister who has chose not to be in my life for 15 years. She has issues with my mum who was an alcoholic when we were kids. She chose to cut my mum out of her life but, inexplicably, cut me out too for no reason that I can find. During my mums various health problems (she also had cervical cancer several years ago) I've contacted my sister for support either to receive no reply or to be told that, sorry, but its not her problem any more.
My sister, it turns out, has an autoimmune disease that has destroyed her kidneys. As her only sibling I am her best chance for a living donor kidney. I just found this out on Saturday. I have sent her happy birthday/merry xmas messages every year for god knows how long and had nothing back. So, her motives for contacting me now are pretty obvious.
I'm now going through the most horrid turmoil I've ever experienced. Mentally, I know I am not fit to cope with being a living donor and already I can feel myself slipping back to the dark place of depression, anxiety and panic. My mental health issues have had a devastating effect on my finances, I became insolvent 2 years ago, and I don't have the money to support myself through a prolonged period of physical illness following major surgery and possible complications. I have a family history of heart disease, hypertension and stroke which typically does not exhibit itself until we reach our 50's - and the risks associated with these will be amplified if living with just one kidney. I've not had children yet and I'm 35. If I do this I'll have to delay starting a family for 2-3 years.
None of the above are enough to have me disqualified as a living donor. If I don't want to do it I'll have to say no, rather than rely on failing the screening process. But how can I look someone in the eye and tell them they could die because of my selfish decision? How could I live with myself? What would my mum think of me? And she has a young son who could be without his mother because of me.
I'm so angry and upset at the moment, I'm really a total mess. I can't stop crying and I'm finding it really difficult to do simple things. This huge, life-changing decision has been dropped onto my shoulders and its just crushing me right now. I literally don't know how to handle this.
Sorry for the long rant, its good to get it all out x