View Full Version : Getting signed off?
Hi,
So it's been a loooong time since I've posted here, mostly because I've been better.
Long story short - had panic attacks/agaoraphobia for approx 15 years on and off. I'd have episodes where I wouldnt be able to leave the house for weeks at a time and crippled with anxiety, then I'd get better for a few months and so on.
Any way, I've now actually been better for about 3 years, mostly due to medication for a pituary tumour (dopamine). I still get the odd attack but it's usually isolated and short. Last September, as I felt better and finally felt I could be in a classroom with 30 other kids I started a PGCE. Before this I always did office jobs as things were easier if I had a panic attack.
Now I haven't had any panic attacks at school, but I've come to realise I really hate what I'm doing. I've actually felt really low since October now. I originally went to the docs in November after finding it really hard to not cry. My doctor suggested taking 2 weeks off. I refused as I didnt want to fall behind on my PGCE (even though at this point I knew I wasnt going to become a teacher).
I managed to get through to the end of the placement (with many tears) but I still don't feel right. I have no energy to do the things I want to do.Before half term (on my new placment)I was sent home one day because I could not stop crying and I've cried a few times in front of the kids, it's not good. My doctor said he didnt feel medication was appropriate when I saw him in November. I'm not even sure that I can take anti depressants with my medication anyway.
Last week has been half term, and I dont know where it went, I barely left the sofa. The one day I went to uni I had panic attacks for the first time in ages. My husband suggested I should go back to the GP and get signed off this time, use the time to relax properly without having to think about lesson plans or assignements, and look for another job (I'm on a bursary and we need it to live. Also I have a loan that I would need to pay part of immediately back if I was to drop out. I cant just quit).
As I'm sitting here writing this I'm meant to be lesson planning, but as soon as I even look at a book I just cry. I have a really supportive team at my school, and they seem to be feeling like they are making me cry, but it's not them it's me. Anyways do you think it's possible that I can just go and ask to be signed off? I'm worrying that the GP and the placement will think I'm just trying to get out of work as I haven't been to see him since November.
Hi Mashy
I understand what you're going through. I did my PGCE 8 years ago and I hated every minute of it. I'd decided I wasn't going to become a teacher but kept going with the course because, like you, I needed the money.
However once I qualified it was a lot better. I'm glad I stuck it out, so there can be light at the end of the tunnel.
I know you can't keep going the way you are but are you able to discuss with the uni about doing it over a longer period?
To be honest I don't think so. Even when the pressure is off or I'm not being observed I just am not getting any enjoyment out of it. And I'm lucky to be in a lovely school with lovely supportive staff.
I just can't function, I'm gaining loads of weight and I couldn't even enjoy my week off for half term. If I do an NQT, it'll mean a paycut which I thought I'd be fine with but the extra pressure might just break me.
Also I really miss my old career- which I think is what is making so depressed on top of being stressed out. I still have no idea why I wanted to be teacher.
I feel even worse for the fact that my husband kept telling me I'd regret it when I was applying, and I was all like if anyone can do it it'll be me (I was know for getting one hell of a lot done in a day), and now yep I regret it.
I have my docs appt on Wednesday - but I'm going to see if I can bring it forward, I don't even know how I'm going to face going in tomorrow. I still have loads of marking to do for tomorrow as I was too exhausted during half term to get it done.
I think you know what you want to do, can you phone in sick tomorrow? It's not worth that much stress.
I was in the situation that I'd just got my undergrad so had no other career.
Do what you feel is the best. Try not to worry about what others may think.
xx:hugs:
I want to but I have marking that I need to give back. I really feel I just need to get through this one day. I only actually have 3 hours of teaching.
I just keep worrying that everyone thinks I'm slacking. I mean I just had half term - why would I need more time off? But I'm still behind with uni because I haven't been able to function. I just want a clean slate, at least until I can leave the course. Even if it's just one week without having to think about lesson planning or marking.
I was thinking earlier why even in jobs that I hated I never got to this point and it was because as much as I hated them, I always left work at work, so my mind always got a break.
There's a few girls on my course that have been really quite ill because of the stress of the PGCE yet they still keep going. Some of them just really enjoy teaching so it makes sense. I was actually having a chat with a friend over lunch a while ago who was telling me that to him, even though he hates the planning and all the work, teaching feels right. And that made even more sense as to why I should quit. It doesn't feel right to me - I keep wondering why I have to make up so many games, can't they just learn? or all the extensions, activities for EAL, all the stuff for PP. I just find myself getting annoyed with the extra challenges rather than embracing them. And I used to love challenges in my old career.
Anyway, better get back to marking :(
---------- Post added at 20:08 ---------- Previous post was at 20:07 ----------
PS : I love your username! Wabbit!
I feel your pain. Our half term started this weekend and it's only 2 days. I was off sick for 2 years up until last August, so believe me you are so not alone in this.
I suppose it's different because deep down I like teaching - on the whole - I have the same issues with the BS they add in. Kids sometimes need to just sit down, be quiet and work independently.
You're also right about leaving the work at work, you can never do that as a teacher. There's always something needing done, even during the holidays.
MyNameIsTerry
20-02-17, 08:16
You can self sign initially. But any longer than that are you obviously need a FIT note from your GP so if you intend to be off longer, it would probably be best to get one from them.
Your GP will decide if they think it is in your best interests. They do tell people to stay in work if possible because they know long term absence can be hard for us too. But a short amount of time to try to get past current stress will likely be less of a worry to them.
Even if they said no, you can still self sign. If your employer was granted access to your medical records (only with your written permission to your GP) then if they recorded advising you to stay in and you self signed, they may ask why you did it. It wouldn't be a big issue, self signing is a very short period anyway..
It's best to tell your GP how you are feeling. Their concerns for your health go beyond your work after all. If you are able to get on top of things with a short absence, it's very likely they will be happy to do it and have you arrange an appointment later to monitor the situation.
Think about you. Your husband seems behind you. Do what's best for your health. Your employer isn't as bothered about your mental health, they just replace us so it's more important to consider your health as it's you who could be faced with any longer term impact of a relapse.
Hope today is going OK for you x
Hope today is going OK for you x
Thanks, I ended up calling in sick. Couldn't sleep last night and I've just managed to crawl out of bed. Managed to get an urgent drs appt so just about to leave for that. I'm feeling so nauseous aswell which made me decide I'm best at home.
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I think you've made the right decision. Hope the doc appointment goes OK.
I think you've made the right decision. Hope the doc appointment goes OK.
Thanks, my doc has said he won't write a sick note unless they make some kind of adjustment when I go back. They can't as that's the requirement of the course. So I'm in limbo now. Been outside the drs crying for the past hour.
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You can self-certificate for the rest of the week to give you some breathing space. Sorry to hear that your doc won't sign you off.
I obviously don't know you or your specific situation but what I will say is do what feels right to you. Don't worry about what others may think. It seems huge right now but in the future this will be nothing but a distant memory.
MyNameIsTerry
20-02-17, 13:11
It's not like he has any legal power to demand adjustments so I find his attitude naive and unhelpful.
You could go back claiming things are worsening. It's his job to do what's best for the patient and if time off is needed, it shouldn't be dictated by the possibility of reasonable adjustments.
His attitude is a head in the sand one. :shrug:
Yeh I'm going to have to self-certificate. My uni tutor is on holiday which is rather unhelpful too.
I'm really frustrated with this doctor.I remember last time I went to see him, saying that I was going to change doctors. Last time it was a different Dr that recommended I had time off.
I knew this would happen, I never get taken seriously when I see a doctor about Mental Health issues - despite the fact that I have over 15 years of records on it.
Thinking of it the whole time I was there I was crying my eyes out, he didn't even offer me a tissue!
Hiya. Just checking in. How are things? Can you go back and see another GP?
I moved from one GP to another with my Psychiatrist's backing because of the problems I was having.
I'm going to try and go back on Friday, but even just having these few days has left me feeling more positive. My mentor from my placement came to pick up my marking and dropped off a card and some flowers from the department which was just so nice of them. I've never worked with such lovely people, although it makes me feel worse for being signed off.
Thank you for checking in :) xx
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Hi Mashy
Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. All I can offer is to echo Wabbit and Terry's advice, that getting yourself well has to be your first priority. Being self certified for a week is nothing to worry about and I wouldn't be afraid to ask to speak to another GP either. If he's been like that with you it's likely a regular occurrence and probably won't come as a surprise to the surgery that you'd like to change. You could always say you're feeling vulnerable, which isn't a lie I imagine and would feel safer speaking to a female GP.:winks:
Hi Mashy.
That sounds like a lovely department to be in. I was off for nearly a year and it was like I didn't exist. Except to tell me when my pay was stopping.
Good luck tomorrow if you decide to go in. I'll be thinking of you.
Oh and I meant to ask what is it you're teaching?
Hi I'm sorry I've been away a while.
Had a week off and went back thinking I'd quit at the start of this week. In the meantime, I've gone through this pattern of enjoying being in front of the class but hating every minute of planning which for the PGCE is 75% of the time.
Yesterday I had a really bad day, well I had a OK day until late afternoon.I had a meeting with my professional mentor, I emailed her the day before saying I wanted to discuss my latest drs appointment (i saw a new dr who was a lot more helpful, who actually diagnosed me as depressed and gave me 3 options: 1. antidepressants, 2. have time off with a phased return, 3. quit the course and she will happily write a letter so that I do not have to repay student loan immediately. I was planning on going with the last one and freaked out at the last minute about finding a new job, the depression has made me not want to do anything let alone job seeking. So I went back to school and although stiil experiencing the pattern above, I was actually feeling like I could finish my course and be done with it.
Anyway back to this meeting. She wet straight into lesson planning and how I need to cut down because spending 3-4 hours per lesson is not acceptable (even though its pretty standard on my course), OK I started crying ( I have depression for f sakes!) started going on at me as to how we need to stop that and how I cant keep on crying and how I need to be more resilient ( because I didnt raise my brother since I was 15 when my mum left, I didnt work 30 hours a week thorugh my degree because I got low student loan because I didnt have parents to have their income assessed), it was very intense and I did not feel comfortable. Really I just wanted that time to go back to planning. Anyway after her getting very frustrated at me, me feeling like shit, she said "have you got things going on outside of this?" and I said "yes thats what I wanted to tak to you about, I have depression" and then she started going on at me for not saying it right at the start ( its not something I find easy to just blurt out, and she didnt give me the chance).
Anyway I went home feeling like shit, with some pretty bad suicidal thoughts. I pulled my car over and had to call my husband and tell him everything. I'm glad I did, and I'm glad he's there for me. He told me not to go back to school and to put in a complaint over said mentor ( assistant head). I felt bad for my department and went in anyway (full day with no PPA time), I actually quite enjoyed the day because there was no time for planning - just teaching. I even got comments on how well I did nd how happy I looked.
Tommorow I have a meeting with my uni tutor, I'm really feeling unsure whether to quit as if it wasnt for my professional mentor I feel I could just about finish the course. But I'm also aware my mental health really has hit rock bottom to the point its a matter of life and death (it's rare for me to go half a day without thinking of ending it all), but if I quit money will be a stress and I will have wasted all this time since September.
Right now I'm just feeling really angry towards my professional mentor and at the time thinking maybe I am not good enough an just being a crybaby.
---------- Post added at 23:10 ---------- Previous post was at 23:09 ----------
Hi Mashy.
That sounds like a lovely department to be in. I was off for nearly a year and it was like I didn't exist. Except to tell me when my pay was stopping.
Good luck tomorrow if you decide to go in. I'll be thinking of you.
Oh and I meant to ask what is it you're teaching?
sorry for late reply, it's MFL secondary.
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