sapphirejade
08-06-16, 19:05
Hi guys,
First of all, I'm new to this forum, so hi :)
I'm looking for some advice from people who have been in a similar situation to me or who simply may be able to relate/help...
To cut a long story short, I used to suffer from anxiety badly when I was in school/sixth form (I couldn't leave the house at one point), but fortunately I more or less 'recovered' (although I still suffer from the occasional bout of anxiety or panic attacks).
Recently, I started a new job in a new city (moved to be with my boyfriend) and at first, I thought it was perfect. It's a great job, in exactly the kind of role I wanted to do, in the right type of company.
However, there's just one major downside to this job (major for me... might not be so much to others) - the location. I can't drive, so in order to get to work, I have to take the train and walk for half an hour+. This only makes the journey a little over an hour, which I know people do a lot worse... and it's not really the time that's the issue...
- The 30/40 min walk has no toilets/shops/shelter the entire way, so once you've started walking, there's no going back. For a fairly anxious person like me, this is the idea of hell (not being able to drink 30/40 mins before leaving work in case I nearly wet myself on the way home (nearly happened, 3 times), nearly getting sick in public with nowhere to escape/hide etc.)
- I have to commute with 2 other coworkers, 1 of whom is nice enough but I find awkward to speak to and another that's absolutely crazy...
I've never encountered anyone like this crazy coworker before. We actually started off getting on so so well (I thought she could be a potential friend) and then it all went very downhill. She suddenly turned for god knows what reason and started being very rude/awkward/crazy - I won't go into too much detail as we'll be here forever, but she has kicked off about the other coworkers choice of clothing, pushed through us and shouted at us for walking too fast, ignored me for the full hour of getting the train/walking... the list goes on. Everytime I try to get on another carriage, she finds me (even tho she said herself she likes space on the train... so she does it out of spite), has a go at me if I leave work late to do a bit more work, be nice to my face and bitch about me to the other coworker when I'm not there, for him to then tell me... Basically I can't do anything right around her. I asked her what her problem was when she kicked off the other week and she later admitted she was going through a bad time and she 'really liked me'. However, this doesn't excuse her behaviour. I cannot avoid her (there is no possible way) unless I get an early or late train and that means getting to work ridiculously early and leaving ridiculously late everyday.
The commute makes me so anxious, that I get butterflies and stomach problems every day, which then makes the commute unbearable (as I feel like I'm gonna get sick in public) and then I'm exhausted every morning/evening.
I'm no longer engaged in the job, I cry everyday and I fantasise about leaving all the time. The trouble is, it's a good job AND I only started 3m ago (next week is the end of my probation and then leaving gets a whole lot harder). The thought of not escaping my job makes me so anxious and depressed.
I don't know why I'm so down and anxious over this... and I feel guilty for feeling this way when things could be so much worse. But I don't think a commute like that works for an anxious person like me. What would you do in my situation?
Thanks for reading
First of all, I'm new to this forum, so hi :)
I'm looking for some advice from people who have been in a similar situation to me or who simply may be able to relate/help...
To cut a long story short, I used to suffer from anxiety badly when I was in school/sixth form (I couldn't leave the house at one point), but fortunately I more or less 'recovered' (although I still suffer from the occasional bout of anxiety or panic attacks).
Recently, I started a new job in a new city (moved to be with my boyfriend) and at first, I thought it was perfect. It's a great job, in exactly the kind of role I wanted to do, in the right type of company.
However, there's just one major downside to this job (major for me... might not be so much to others) - the location. I can't drive, so in order to get to work, I have to take the train and walk for half an hour+. This only makes the journey a little over an hour, which I know people do a lot worse... and it's not really the time that's the issue...
- The 30/40 min walk has no toilets/shops/shelter the entire way, so once you've started walking, there's no going back. For a fairly anxious person like me, this is the idea of hell (not being able to drink 30/40 mins before leaving work in case I nearly wet myself on the way home (nearly happened, 3 times), nearly getting sick in public with nowhere to escape/hide etc.)
- I have to commute with 2 other coworkers, 1 of whom is nice enough but I find awkward to speak to and another that's absolutely crazy...
I've never encountered anyone like this crazy coworker before. We actually started off getting on so so well (I thought she could be a potential friend) and then it all went very downhill. She suddenly turned for god knows what reason and started being very rude/awkward/crazy - I won't go into too much detail as we'll be here forever, but she has kicked off about the other coworkers choice of clothing, pushed through us and shouted at us for walking too fast, ignored me for the full hour of getting the train/walking... the list goes on. Everytime I try to get on another carriage, she finds me (even tho she said herself she likes space on the train... so she does it out of spite), has a go at me if I leave work late to do a bit more work, be nice to my face and bitch about me to the other coworker when I'm not there, for him to then tell me... Basically I can't do anything right around her. I asked her what her problem was when she kicked off the other week and she later admitted she was going through a bad time and she 'really liked me'. However, this doesn't excuse her behaviour. I cannot avoid her (there is no possible way) unless I get an early or late train and that means getting to work ridiculously early and leaving ridiculously late everyday.
The commute makes me so anxious, that I get butterflies and stomach problems every day, which then makes the commute unbearable (as I feel like I'm gonna get sick in public) and then I'm exhausted every morning/evening.
I'm no longer engaged in the job, I cry everyday and I fantasise about leaving all the time. The trouble is, it's a good job AND I only started 3m ago (next week is the end of my probation and then leaving gets a whole lot harder). The thought of not escaping my job makes me so anxious and depressed.
I don't know why I'm so down and anxious over this... and I feel guilty for feeling this way when things could be so much worse. But I don't think a commute like that works for an anxious person like me. What would you do in my situation?
Thanks for reading