nicknuts
28-03-16, 05:29
Im not sure how it started. I panicked one night on a flight when i was 17 going on a ski vacation. I just realized i was clearly not in control and I wanted to get home , NOW . After that i just did not like to fly but I still did annually, enjoying my trips , just not the flying part . Some flights later on I actually enjoyed , and certainly enjoyed them as a kid with my family, In fact I was very excited to go on a flight. Cut to 26 years old and my girlfriend at the time asked me to go on a trip across the US for her work. I really did not want to go , but I did. Back in those days i just did not like the flying part, but once I was on the ground I was fine ,no anxiety. When I got back from that trip , the Anxiety started , BAD, I was terrified at night especially, I asked my parents why is this happening to me ? I soon became very uncomfortable going most places , my safe zone was very small , driving far ,going on a vacation was out of the question when I tried , I failed ,and had to come back home. That messed me up for years, Not really trying to push the limits . Eventually , I met someone else, (My Wife) and I started pushing the limits of my safe zone, Her parents lived 50 miles away , and at the time that was out of the zone. I pushed and pushed my limits often, sometimes failing and feeling completely depressed.
One story was my Best friend was having a bachelor party and i said I would go to Las Vegas , I had been dozens of times in the past and love the town but during this troubled time it seemed like a death sentence. Flying to Vegas at night in the rain to stay in a hotel. Hell no, My friend waited for me outside my house to take me to the airport , I did not come out of my house. He went with a few friends without me. Failure.
Anyway, I pushed and fought during many trips after that, many many flights all of them hard but with the help of several techniques breathing, and others and some occasional meds I have pushed through many many times. I have had a few setbacks including this weekend which is why I write tonight. I sometimes think I am past this problem but it will not go away. That has been the biggest disappointment for my now wife , my family and of course me. My biggest problem is the anxiety before a trip that is the real issue for me. I think about every aspect of a trip before i go on one and it always goes to the "darkside". I can't get myself out of it. I try and try. My wife , who I most travel with will see a real negative , moody , and depressed person before a trip especially right before a trip. She does not know how to handle me and it is hard to talk to her about it. Should she be understanding or should she be a stern and cold so i just do it? Man I feel for her how she has to deal with me during those times. I am not fun to be around. I try and try to push it out of my head but it does not matter what I do I just start thinking of the trip and i go to fear. Even If I have been to a place several times . That to me is so irrational. I know it but my mind won't stop. The ironic thing about it is , I have gone on many trips and they have all been great , to really great , and that's what is so frustrating , thats why I keep trying, but the pre-travel time is usually awful and sometimes i just give up and don't go , usually on the day I am suppose to leave. I do that a lot.
Sorry for the long rant , I am just having a hard time tonight because of another trip which I have done once a year for the last 8 years i am not going this week because my mind got the best of me due to feeling uncomfortable.
I will say for people who are struggling with a safe area around there house I dealt with that a long time ago and it has almost vanished , you have to keep pushing the boundaries . Thanks for letting me rant.
One story was my Best friend was having a bachelor party and i said I would go to Las Vegas , I had been dozens of times in the past and love the town but during this troubled time it seemed like a death sentence. Flying to Vegas at night in the rain to stay in a hotel. Hell no, My friend waited for me outside my house to take me to the airport , I did not come out of my house. He went with a few friends without me. Failure.
Anyway, I pushed and fought during many trips after that, many many flights all of them hard but with the help of several techniques breathing, and others and some occasional meds I have pushed through many many times. I have had a few setbacks including this weekend which is why I write tonight. I sometimes think I am past this problem but it will not go away. That has been the biggest disappointment for my now wife , my family and of course me. My biggest problem is the anxiety before a trip that is the real issue for me. I think about every aspect of a trip before i go on one and it always goes to the "darkside". I can't get myself out of it. I try and try. My wife , who I most travel with will see a real negative , moody , and depressed person before a trip especially right before a trip. She does not know how to handle me and it is hard to talk to her about it. Should she be understanding or should she be a stern and cold so i just do it? Man I feel for her how she has to deal with me during those times. I am not fun to be around. I try and try to push it out of my head but it does not matter what I do I just start thinking of the trip and i go to fear. Even If I have been to a place several times . That to me is so irrational. I know it but my mind won't stop. The ironic thing about it is , I have gone on many trips and they have all been great , to really great , and that's what is so frustrating , thats why I keep trying, but the pre-travel time is usually awful and sometimes i just give up and don't go , usually on the day I am suppose to leave. I do that a lot.
Sorry for the long rant , I am just having a hard time tonight because of another trip which I have done once a year for the last 8 years i am not going this week because my mind got the best of me due to feeling uncomfortable.
I will say for people who are struggling with a safe area around there house I dealt with that a long time ago and it has almost vanished , you have to keep pushing the boundaries . Thanks for letting me rant.