missyladybug
21-10-15, 15:19
Hello everybody,
I live in the US. I am 66 years old and have fought anxiety all my life. You think I would have figured out how to conquer it by now, but I have not. I do, however, have a much better understanding as to why I have anxiety and how my body reacts to it, but it's still pretty hard to put the genie back in the bottle when anxiety occurs, though I am somewhat better.
All my life I have suffered from anxiety. I remember staying home from school with tummy aches at age 7 and experiencing my first memories of adrenal rushes and anxiety. Since then, I have become a world class worrier and health anxiety is my biggest companion, and greatest enemy.
In the past 5 years, I have lost my husband to brain cancer, my brother to alcoholism, and my mother to dementia and heart disease. Even my dog died. The emotional toll has been tremendous.
I have suffered from heart palpitations since I was about 28 years old and was always told it was a mitral valve prolapse, but recently more improved images say I do not have mitral valve prolapse. But I have gotten all the bumps and pauses and flutters and such that the rest of you get for years and years. Sometimes I can ignore them and other times they demand my attention. They can go away for weeks, then come back for weeks.
If you're still reading this long message, I thank you!....
Two years ago I was experiencing worse palps than usual and was awakened in the wee hours of the morning with an erratic pulse that was extremely scary. Because I am a widow and live alone, I had to drive myself to the hospital. They said I was in the middle of atrial fibrillation and they gave me meds. The meds did not help. Then they used electric paddles on me to shock my heart, but that didn't work either. I thought I was dying right then and there, and in some ways, it was almost welcome because I am sick of worrying about dying, if that makes sense! Eventually my heart went back to normal on its own. I have not had such a severe incident since, but I know I have drifted into short bouts of A-Fib from time to time.
I am terrified. It brings out every single fear I have. I am the type of person that when I feel a lump, I think cancer. When I see a bruise, I think leukemia. When I am numb somewhere I think MS. You get the picture!
The palps happen nearly every day with me recently. Tests last year showed some runs but no A-Fib after wearing a monitor for two weeks. My cardiologist recently took me off the meds I was on because they make me tired and he didn't think I needed them, so I am out here on my own now with a flopping heart and terrified every second of the day that I will get sick. I get so scared I cry. I have friends and some family but most of the time I sit and worry alone about this stuff.
What a curse it is to suffer from anxiety. What a blessing to find people like myself. Because....if you don't have it, you don't get it. And I have no friends or family who suffer from it.
Thank you for "listening"!
I live in the US. I am 66 years old and have fought anxiety all my life. You think I would have figured out how to conquer it by now, but I have not. I do, however, have a much better understanding as to why I have anxiety and how my body reacts to it, but it's still pretty hard to put the genie back in the bottle when anxiety occurs, though I am somewhat better.
All my life I have suffered from anxiety. I remember staying home from school with tummy aches at age 7 and experiencing my first memories of adrenal rushes and anxiety. Since then, I have become a world class worrier and health anxiety is my biggest companion, and greatest enemy.
In the past 5 years, I have lost my husband to brain cancer, my brother to alcoholism, and my mother to dementia and heart disease. Even my dog died. The emotional toll has been tremendous.
I have suffered from heart palpitations since I was about 28 years old and was always told it was a mitral valve prolapse, but recently more improved images say I do not have mitral valve prolapse. But I have gotten all the bumps and pauses and flutters and such that the rest of you get for years and years. Sometimes I can ignore them and other times they demand my attention. They can go away for weeks, then come back for weeks.
If you're still reading this long message, I thank you!....
Two years ago I was experiencing worse palps than usual and was awakened in the wee hours of the morning with an erratic pulse that was extremely scary. Because I am a widow and live alone, I had to drive myself to the hospital. They said I was in the middle of atrial fibrillation and they gave me meds. The meds did not help. Then they used electric paddles on me to shock my heart, but that didn't work either. I thought I was dying right then and there, and in some ways, it was almost welcome because I am sick of worrying about dying, if that makes sense! Eventually my heart went back to normal on its own. I have not had such a severe incident since, but I know I have drifted into short bouts of A-Fib from time to time.
I am terrified. It brings out every single fear I have. I am the type of person that when I feel a lump, I think cancer. When I see a bruise, I think leukemia. When I am numb somewhere I think MS. You get the picture!
The palps happen nearly every day with me recently. Tests last year showed some runs but no A-Fib after wearing a monitor for two weeks. My cardiologist recently took me off the meds I was on because they make me tired and he didn't think I needed them, so I am out here on my own now with a flopping heart and terrified every second of the day that I will get sick. I get so scared I cry. I have friends and some family but most of the time I sit and worry alone about this stuff.
What a curse it is to suffer from anxiety. What a blessing to find people like myself. Because....if you don't have it, you don't get it. And I have no friends or family who suffer from it.
Thank you for "listening"!