guilt?

[tricia56]

hi sorry to post but can guilt be a major factor in anxiety as I don't want to go in to detail but for 14 yrs ive been carrying this guilt in side me and I cant ask this person for forgiveness as he died 14 yrs ago and ive tried forgiving myself ever since but I cant seem to forget wat I did and and I don't know how I can move forward from it, I tell myself its the past and cant change what I did and it was wrong of me to of done what I did and everyone has done something they have regretted in the past. I cant tell my family as they will only judge me and think that im a bad person because that is what they are like ,and I just wish that I could say sorry to the person and for him to say he forgives me but he cant, im not a bad person never have been, and never been in trouble, sorry for posting this but just need some one to tell about how im feeling.

[lior]

Oh tricia. Guilt is a major problem for me too - anxiety and guilt go hand in hand.

You can't ask him for forgiveness, but yes, a way out is to forgive yourself.

1. What have you learnt from the experience?
2. What do you know now that you didn't know then?
3. In perspective, how much worse could you have behaved? (Probably much worse)
4. What would you do now if you were faced with the same situation?
5. Can you see that you are a different person now from the person you were 14 years ago?

You don't have to answer these questions in public, but maybe they'll help if you do it on paper.

[inCOGnito]

Yes guilt can be a big driving force.

I know Tara Brach talks about forgiveness. I haven't watched this particular video but hopefully it will be relevant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26BFin78raM

Forgiveness is not about changing the past, you can't do that. It's about accepting that it happened, and that whatever happened happened because of the circumstances, nothing more. Forgiveness is all about facing that guilt, opening to it, opening to the feelings and emotions fully, without reservation. Without wanting them to be different, without wanting to feel better. If your guilt was a big deep pool I'd advise you to jump right in.

[tricia56]

thk you lior I will wright down on paper what you have suggested so thk you , also incognito im not quite sure what you ment by the latter part of your reply.{ If your guilt was a big deep pool I'd advise you to jump right in.} xx

[Brunette]

Why not write it all down in a letter to the person and then burn the letter, letting the feelings of guilt drift off with the smoke (symbolically speaking) as you do it?

[meche]

Big hugs Tricia. We've all done things in our past that we're ashamed of or regret - I'm no exception. I made a life-changing decision over 20 years ago which at the time I thought was right for me but looking back on it today, it's a decision I made very rationally & one that I regret. Unfortunately, I can't jump in my tardis & go back and change it. I do think about it quite often but I try not to beat myself up about it. Life has a path and things happen for a reason. Writing it down is a great idea & will be a huge emotional release. xx

[HalfJack]

My boyfriend has quite a violent past, mostly just self defense or protecting his family because he grew up in a bad area. But he hates violence and has always felt guilty about it and since he's had anxiety and depression it's amplified his guilt significantly. Even when people have forgiven him for things it hasn't helped at all, because the guilt is with him. Him not forgiving himself is the issue. Anxiety/depression finds a weakness and exploits it.

Weather or not we have done bad things in our past, we are all capable. Accepting responsibility for something includes accepting it as a part of your life and moving forward from that to somewhere better. If possible, learn something positive from it. :) You can't change what you did, but you can try to be better. Which is more than most people do!
Is there anyone you can talk to about it?