Cuts me like a razor -career failure

[Col]

Ive had a bit of a turbulent time of late since I had my bubs who's now 5 months. The mum side of my life 100% PERFECT but....... Mine and my mums relationship has finally come to a head. Those of you who know me on here will understand this long, hard hair pulling relationship I've had with my parents and particularly my mum - for a vey long time! I mean the two things that did it this time was her involvement with narcotics with my cousin. I've only just found out she claims she kept it under wraps from me since 2009! Also she named my first baby. My hubby is Muslim background, mines catholic & basically she wouldnt accept the entire baby thing & for various reasons treat me horrendously ( past threads explain all for a good late night read) !

Sooo THE CAREER BIT. I'm very ambitious always get itchy feet. I missed out on a wedding and events surrounding all 3 of my kids birth wrecked AND NOW I FEEL like a complet failure.

After my breakdown and sudden abrupt onset of panic attacks 2011 which derailed my teacher training I've been off at home. Done a bit of voluntary work. But NOW all that hurts resurfaced when I've looked up my old lecturers at uni & any masters part time course to discover - 2 of my old mates are now DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!! OF SCIENCE. I got offered the oppertunity of PhD when I graduated and I just wanted to work. And the had my little boy and then teacher training AND THEN ~ BREAKDOWN and since another baby and that's it!!!! That's me a SAHmum. I love it I just wish I'd actually qualified as something as opposed to just someone with a degree.

I honestly am gutted and it's cut me to the bone! I was academically as good as them if not better! I'm not boasting I wish I wasn't as academically good because there would be no temptation OR pondering at what I could have / Should have done. I don't begrudge anyone achievement if they've worked at it, please dont get me wrong. But I emailed my old friend/peer and she's got one daughter but made out (honestly ) I should attach it so you can read it was, boast after boast after boast. And a little formal no, x or anything. She's been America, Canada, Belgium, italy and Paris. She's been offered plenty of postdoctoral posts. Proper jet setter as though it was a high flying life. Feel sorry for her daughter.
Blah blah ****ing blah.

God I'm sooo down honestly. Love to hear its not just me who feels so crap about career stuff.

:unsure:

[Catherine S]

Blah blah ****ing blah? Love it haha! I was actually going to say where does her daughter figure in all of her jet-stting but then you said it for me. Don't beat yourself up Col, don't measure success by what those others have, because you have something they don't...spirit and strength and determination. You had a breakdown and survived it...did they? You've picked yourself up off the floor and are raising your child the best you know how with debilitating mental health problems. Forget them and what they have because you have more than you know, and your time will come believe it, have a bit of faith in yourself...its NEVER too late to get what you want and if you want it badly enough you will get there eventually, so it takes you a bit longer, so what? Be proud of what you've achieved so far :flowers:

ISB x

[Fishmanpa]

Gotta agree with what ISB is saying.

Let me share a little something. I'm a pretty smart guy. Educated, always did good in school etc. I wanted to be a doctor and would have done so except for one thing. I didn't like it! So, much to my parents chagrin, I changed my major in college from Pre-Med to Music. I got my degree and pursued my career. I never made the wages of a doctor but I sure enjoyed what I did. Now, at 55, I still struggle financially but I work in the music business (CD/DVD manufacturing) and still perform doing what I love most.

It's not about anything else but enjoying what you do. Like ISB said, it's never too late to pursue your passion. I would venture to say that the majority of people in this world hate what they do. I would also venture to say that the happiest people are those doing what they love and not comparing themselves to others. I'd much rather be happy in what I'm doing and make less money than be miserable and sacrifice my life for a career. We should work to live, not live to work ;) My signature says it all.....

Positive thoughts

[Annie0904]

Col you have the most important career in the world and that is a mother! I will add that you are a wonderful one too. My sisters in law are very career minded and are very well paid and have achieved lots in their careers. I had choices to make, continue my career or be a stay aat home mum. I chose the latter and have no regrets at all. I know I have always been there for my kids and have never had to miss the important events in their lives due to work commitments. I would not trade this for the world. They are grown up with their own homes now and my time is free to do what I want. I am looking forward to grandchildren though :). I can understand how you might feel your qualifications are wasted but you know they are not and your children have a very wonderful, educated mum as their role model. You are NOT a failure, You are a VERY sucessful wife and mother and much more. You have achieved academic qualifications even if they are not being used on a career path. Don't let others put you down especially your mum!

[MyNameIsTerry]

I agree with everyone above Col.

I did all the status chasing for over a decade and when I hit my thirties I suddenly found myself looking at who I was and the answer was = an absolute nothing. I had spent my years saving my firm millions, working all the hours, travelliing up and down the country for their pointless meetings and I hit thirty with naff all to show for it outside of material possessions and nest eggs. I let my friendships slide, I sacrificed family, mortgages, most pleasureable things - for nothing. Just a bunch of crappy memories of things that only benefitted someone else. I developed GAD and all those successes went out of the window as I was an inconvenience to them.

Bragging is an unsightly trait, one that as we mature, we grow out of. Those that don't, don't really develop as people.

Remember, your actions define you, not your pay grade.

[Col]

Thanks guys xxx

[Col]

Yes terry sooo true how bragging is an ugly trait. I never would have put her down as a bragger before this but now she has a Dr before her name it's obviously gone to her head as well!

Shame really. I think sooo many things I've worked sooo hard far by I think anyone's standard , I feel nothing ever turns out right & the past few year regarding the panic etc have just put the icing on the cake. At leastim breathing - just about. But thanks soooo much needed a good perspective talking too XXX