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LeFi_81
02-02-14, 16:27
Hallo,

Well, I am quite new to this but will try my best to keep to the point in a short and effective way.

I am a 32 year old married woman with two children. A girl (5) and a little boy (2).

In December 2013 I had my first panic attack. Of course we contacted the emergency doctor and I was taken to the ER. Of course they found nothing wrong with me and send me home. This event was very traumatic for me and I could not get to terms with this. At first I ignored it. I saw my GP and he gave me some homeopathic drops to ease my nerves and I continued my life as always.

The symptoms persisted and made me very uneasy. I lied in bed at night contemplating and creating the worst case scenarios for my immediate future. Of course this included an inevitable painful and quick death. At first these thoughts did not follow me through my days but eventually I started looking up my symptoms on google. Needless to say I was convinced of having a serious risk of suffering from a heart attack, stroke or cancer.

This brought me back to my GP. A round of tests proved me to be quite healthy despite the persisting symptoms. My days became unbearable to me. I felt haunted, tired and realized I have to do something but I was so lost and no one really listened to me. So I carried on. Last Wednesday I had another brilliant thought. What if I have a brain tumor! So I googled some more and symptoms as vertigo, palpitations, head aches, visual and hearing impairments convinced me of having a brain tumor and that I will die soon! Somehow I got through the day, reading up on the web about tumors and diseases at every chance I got. Eventually I had a panic attack which lead to full blown hysteria.

Thanks to my devoted husband, I calmed myself, with a lot of effort and patience from his side. Took a Valium and went to bed. The following day I was physically knocked down. Fever, nausea, indigestion, weakness, exhaustion. I could not get out of bed. My husband stayed with me the whole day, which really saved me from ending up in hospital. It felt as if the sky fell on me. I called my GP and made an appointment, fortunately I also called a psychologist acquainted to my family. My GP was speechless. He send me home with some more homeopathic medicine and wrote me ill for a week. He had no words for me but was visibly relieved when I mentioned that I will see a psychologist next week. Not very reassuring, but beggars can't be choosers and I am in such a bad shape that I will take whatever help I could get.

At this stage I should say that I have not yet stopped fantasizing about my impending death. I know several people who died from the consequences of a brain tumor and I am trying my best not to identify similar symptoms in myself but I struggle. Especially since one woman, who had a very quick death, was quite close to me and my family and I suffered emotionally with her and her family. Whenever my thoughts turn to morbid fortune telling, I stop myself and say NO MORE PANIC.

Other things I do to help myself include meditating, resting and napping (which is terribly hard), eating healthy and avoiding coffee. I hope my body will recover soon, so that I can focus on the beautiful world in my head.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank Nicole and the team here. The site is professional and has helped me already.
Thank you.

ray52
02-02-14, 18:11
Hi Lefi and welcome to the forum, your amongst friends here who can relate to your suffering

TooMuchToLiveFor
08-02-14, 04:24
Hello, Friend,

I just wanted to say that as I read through this post I just got the best feeling for you that you are going to whip this thing in a relatively short time frame. You already have a grip on what is rational and what is not. You already have the clarity deep down to know you are dealing with "nervous illness", because you have contacted a psychologist, are calling out negative thought patterns, and are posting on an anxiety forum. Thank God, you also have a supporting and understanding spouse- this will help immensely!

I just really think you are going to get a hold on this shortly. Keep calling it out for what it is. Don't get fooled by the tricky old dragon. He is a master of disguises and impersonations, but the more you call his bluff- the more bored he will get of trying……and you will have peace once again. :)

LeFi_81
08-02-14, 16:19
Hey TMT,

the last two days were rough...

My poor husband is doing all that needs to be done around here, since I am struggling to keep myself in some sort of human state. My nerves are frayed and I do not take time to let it heal...
SO now I had to learn. Take it easy. Rest. Let people do things for me. Only by taking care of myself now will I ever be able to take care of my children.

Man I MISS MY OLD SELF!!!

So all the motivation is really helping. :)

So a toast to the men in our lives!