View Full Version : Reprogram My Brain?
I woke up this morning with the usual friends: anxiety, nausea, chest tightness and fear. I wrote in my journal for about twenty minutes and I know that these are all old tapes playing in my head. Re-running in my subconscious. Down deep, I know that I am used to waking up feeling like this and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. I fear having a heart attack. I fear driving the dog to the other side of town for his play day at the dog gym. I fear, I fear, I fear. But it's somewhere down deep. I'm not consciously thinking about these things.
I want to reprogram my brain and my thought patterns not to expect to feel this way. I don't want to wake up and be discouraged every morning. I know that the day gets better and I know that I can and most probably will have a decent day. How do I have a good morning? Not too much to ask.
Any suggestions or advice on how people re programmed those old tapes to stop playing in their heads? I'm working a CBT course online but haven't really gotten to that part yet. I'm thankful for the progress that I've made but I want more. I'm willing to work for it but how do I do it?
Hiya Tanner40.....their is a book called feel the fear and do it anyway.....I haven't bought the book but have used the title of the book "feel the fear and do it anyway " as a sort of mantra, it has helped me loads when I feel fear coming over me before a go into a shop go to work etc.....I feel your pain n hope you can get through it, I am def going to buy this book as just the title has helped me loads.
Take Care Reeny
I think it might be a sign that I have a report to write that I am posting on here this morning.
However let me tell you what I think.
I have something called tinnitus. So basically I hear a ringing in my ears all of the time, a bit like when you come out of a nightclub when it has been too loud. When I fist got it, I thought my life was over, how would I cope? It was going to drive me insane, to suicide, to whatever.
So I joined a forum and found a clinician in the US who has tinnitus and is a bit of a world authority on the subject. Much of what he told me I think has application to anxiety. In the tinnitus world, people talk about habituation, a state whereby you develop a less aversive reaction to the stimulus, the stimulus becomes irrelavant and therefore your body stops scanning for it all the time. I remember distinctly asking the question - how do I stop myself listening to it? He said, you can't and if you try you will simply be delaying the process.
If I say to you, don't think about a blue balloon, what is the first image that comes into your head, inspite of the fact that you have specific instructions not to think about it?
I believe HA is similar. Your body is on red alert because by having an aversive reaction to symptoms you have taught it to be. So your brain is scanning, noticing making symptoms louder all of the time. If you have an ache it hurts more because your brain locks on.
Another way of looking at it is when you are asleep you will sleep through a whole host of noises, but I am woken up right away (even though I often pretend to be asleep) by the very first footstep my daughter puts down on the carpet when she gets out of bed at night - every time without exception. Yet I sleep through car noise, wind, the odd snore from my wife etc. That is because my brain is listening and checking for noises that I know may be of concern.
So you have to focus on what you can control and that is your reaction. If you can learn not to react to an aversive stimulus, in this case physical symptoms then you need to trust that in time your brain will follow and your symptoms will diminish.
Let me tell you for a fact that I still have tinnitus, it is still just as loud as it has always been but I dont hear it any more (unless I am writing a forum post like this about it). I am led to believe also that my tinnitus is quite loud. But that is irrelevant, what is, is my reaction to it.
I am quite sure that makes no sense at all as I typed that exceptionally quickly.
Right - now back to commissioning healthcare!!!
That's a tough one.
I can relate to what you're feeling due to what I've experienced with my health issues.
First the heart attacks. The first was a whirlwind. It hit me and 5 days later I was under the knife getting a triple bypass at 47 years of age. I was home from the hospital 4 days later. Long story short, it was a good two years before I could wake up and not think first thing, "Damn, I had my chest cut open!". To this day I get achy and it's numb where they cut me, not to mention the 6" scar. BUT... eventually, it became just a part of who and what I am and I deal with it. Life takes over and the vast majority of the time I give it nary a thought. Same with the 2nd heart attack. No surgery as in cutting but I had stents put in. I was home in 5 days with no ill affects. My heart feels fine.
The cancer is different. It's still fresh in my mind and I have constant reminders of my ordeal. When I was diagnosed, it pretty much consumed my thoughts. Prior to the surgeries, I would wake up in the morning and for a moment I was fine. Then, like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining", cancer reared it's head and said "Heeere's Johnny!". In fact I named my cancer "Jack" in honor of that! ~lol~ BTW, I kicked Jack's Ass! and in fact, on one of the cancer forums I'm on, many of the members now call their cancer "Jack" too!
So, how do you reprogram your brain not to think of these things? I don't think it's reprogramming as much as acceptance. For me, I'm still coming to terms of my illness and the side effects that will plague me the rest of my life. I posted this on another thread but I believe those of us that have had a serious illness, whether it's physical or mental, will always be battling a blip or niggle. It's accepting the "new normal" that is your life. It's training your mind to accept that things change and sometimes not for the better. The battle is mostly mental in that your attitude about these things is 90% of it. I know for me, I work on it constantly and succeed most of the time. I have my "whoa is me" moments but I've "learned" to look at the positives in my life, even if it's something as simple and beautiful as a sunset on a late Fall afternoon or your little one saying "I Love You" or the taste of a good home cooked meal. The key is to find at least one of those moments everyday and hang onto them as they remind you what life is all about.
Positive thoughts always
Thanks Rennymac, I will definitely look the book up and see if it's something that might help me. Great suggestion!
CPE and Fishmanpa, great posts which have given me a lot to think about. It seems to me that you're both saying the same thing. Habituation and acceptance being quite similar. I don't allow myself to have a huge reaction to the nausea but obviously I still think about it and try to figure out how to make it go away. Obviously that is not acceptance. The way I see it, acceptance is letting go and being calm in the state of what is happening. I'm definitely not there yet, but I hope to get there.
Acceptance is such an easy word to say but it seems so hard to put into practice. Sort of like forgiveness. Some feeling must get into your heart, not your brain. My brain has got it but my heart hasn't caught up yet.
Fishmanpa, your courage and your sense of peace, not to mention your sense of humor, never fail to amaze me. Your posts are truly one of the things that I'm thankful for. I will keep right on trying and I will beat this.
I think you sum it up perfectly Tanner. You can't choose to be not anxious. You can help it on its way, but I think that not being anxious has to be an entirely subconscious response.
I had a CBT session tonight and had a very similar conversation. Everything she said seems very logical but how do I get my brain to follow. Leap of faith is the only way, just got to learn to let go of the safety barrier.
I'm definitely learning CPE, with the help of good folks like yourself. Leap of faith. I'm going to get there. Just a matter of time.
I think we all need to learn from each other Tanner. I am far from there, but am trying to work out the road map!
Acceptance is such an easy word to say but it seems so hard to put into practice. Sort of like forgiveness. Some feeling must get into your heart, not your brain. My brain has got it but my heart hasn't caught up yet.
Exactly! If you've ever had a situation where someone has hurt you deeply, and I believe we all have, it's similar to what takes place in your heart and mind. Forgiveness takes time, sometimes a lot of time. Eventually though, you come to a place in your life where you still remember the hurt but it just doesn't hurt anymore if that makes sense. Acceptance is much the same. Eventually you just don't give a rats ass about it anymore and move on ;)
Also, I think of it this way. Life goes on and better things come along that take the sting out of the past. Like the story of Joseph in the Bible. His brothers sold him into slavery and he became 2nd only to Pharaoh. When he saw his brothers he became overwrought with emotion and realized he didn't and couldn't hate them anymore.
Positive thoughts
it works i have terrible tinnitus and have learnt to ignore,it rarely bothers me now
Perfect example Fishmanpa! Joseph was one tough fellow with a heart full of acceptance and forgiveness. Eventually, I will get there. I have faith.
Perfect example Fishmanpa! Joseph was one tough fellow with a heart full of acceptance and forgiveness. Eventually, I will get there. I have faith.
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen" Hebrews 11:1
How ironic when dealing with imaginary illnesses, but entirely valid, needed and true. :)
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