My story! Xxx

[Jennifer8907]

Hiya I'm 23 and currently suffering with health anxiety and yep it does my head in! All started when I was 17 just after my first child I remember talking to my partner (now ex) that I wasn't going to live long? This feeling came out of nowhere months years went passed and I was really getting depressed had abit of a bad break up but lets not get into that hah! Anyway I thought I could beat this depression but I couldn't it got so bad that I woke up each morning thinking about death I did not want to die and I never felt suicidal I just kept thinking right I'm going to die soon :/ I had enough of this feeling and confided in my sister about what was going on in this mind of mine. My mum took me the doctors and I was prescribed some anti depressants they seemed to do the trick :) I have a new partner now been with him for 4 years have an other baby who is just 5 months old I have a lovely family and I adore my babies soo much!! But quess what my mind is now tricking me that I am going to die of cancer! I now have health anxiety every pain I get I associate with cancer I had a mole I wasn't happy with and convinced my self I had skin cancer been to two doctors both said its fine but do I believe them noo! Wish I could though few weeks bk pain in my tail bone though that's it I've got a cancerous tumor doctors again said its fine! I search the Internet daily for skin mole pictures I can't help it I just do it I read on one of the sites that skin cancer can reach lympth nodes quess what I have been prodding my poor armpits for lumps that I know are not there and have now made my armpit really sore and started to swell but can I stop myself from doing this nope! Do I wish I could? More that anything! Anyone been or is in my position of giving your self very illness under the sun! I will beat this health anxiety like I beat depression I deserve to be happy without this nasty illness taking over my mind! Who's with me :)) xxx

[Stormsky]

For some reason I kept thinking I will die at 47...well that's next year now!
No one knows when we will die, live every day like its your last I say..
No point in worrying about things out of our control..

[Jennifer8907]

I know, and I know it's the anxiety making me fear it or think its going to happen soon cause when I felt fine in myself I never used to think about death :/ our minds our powerful sometimes confusing things hah :)

[Stormsky]

As long as doc has checked it out, then you have to trust what they say.
Prodding and checking will cause irritation.

[Jennifer8907]

I know going to try my best just seems anxiety is winning at the moment I know I will get there in the end :) xx

[Stormsky]

Try telling yourself you don't have cancer for a change, that your young, healthy..
That you deserve to be happy.. Positive thoughts do work...just like the negative ones make you feel crap....

[Jennifer8907]

I will try my very best thanks for the advice xx

[Stormsky]

The thing with negative thinking for so long is that when you try positive statements, your mind will come back with ' yer who you kidding' and will revert to a same old negative thought... You have to persist, ignore the back chat, keep repeating positive statements, until they're the norm ..
Remember 95 % of the thoughts you have tomorrow will be the same as today's....
So time to change that thinking!!

[Jennifer8907]

Yes I can understand that it's like two minds fighting against eachother I find myself saying there is nothing wrong with me then oh let's just check that again grr can get annoying I get on my own nerves sometimes hah xx

[Marni]

OMG! My story is some what similar too yours at the beginning . I'm also 23, my anxiety started at 18 when I had my first child.
I think I became so obsessed with my health because I had someone too leave behind.
You name it, I think I've had it.
The hardest thing too deal with is te physical symptoms and wondering why they're there if nothing can be found.
It stopped once I left my ex! But after having my 3rd child I became really sick. No dr could say what was wrong but blamed stress. Then suspected an ulcer. It went on for 10 months with no answers but I wasn't actually that worried. I was sick 4 nights a week throwing up, had lost 10 kgs. The pains in my chest were excruciating. Finally after 10 months it was found, my gallbladder was blocked!! 3 months later I had surgery. I'm 3 weeks post op and my anxiety is back.
I got in my head that I had pain, something was found so these pains must have a cause.
I'm fixed on lymph nodes, a rash on my breast which scares me more because of a mole I have on there, it is a little raises but has been as long as I can remember.
Health anxiety is the worst thing ever, I hate it and can't wait too just feel normal again, I've done it before, I can do it again :) good luck to you

[Jennifer8907]

Aww thank you! I haven't really had any illness apart from coughs n colds ect so I don't know where mine was triggerd from??
Ye I have a mile on my breasts that I think has changed even though I know deep down it hasn't it's just my mind playing tricks on me! Now I'm worrying about lympth nodes under my armpits only because I read up skin cancer can make this swell so I am now convinced that there is something wrong and made them sore by prodding them constantly trying to reassure myself that there's nothing there losing battle at the moment :/ xx

[Marni]

I use too poke into my armpits and sometimes I'd think I felt something but there was nothing. The next day I'd be really sore and then I'd be scared all over again.
I know females should feel their armpits but I refuse too now,
I will check my breasts but I felt my armpits for years and it made me alot worse. I still touch the back of my neck as I've had palpable nodes there for 5 years ( ever since having glandular fever) but I try not too worry.