NoPoet
15-03-13, 17:21
Hi all,
I have now to come to understand how fear has always held me back in life and how it keeps slowing my recovery. Thanks very much to the forum members who have helped me through this and thank you also to Claire Weekes, who is still guiding lost people home after all these decades.
I've always been treated as the weird outsider who didn't connect with people and who was either brain damaged or somehow deficient. My therapist has helped me to realise that yeah, being aspergers makes things difficult for me at times, but I was gifted with skills that I've never been trained to use and I have never had encouragement because no-one understood me.
Since receiving behavioural therapy for aspergers, I can watch whole films at 3x normal speed and understand everything, even technical language (although I don't because it destroys the tension and disconnects me even more from other people!).
I find that technology, especially the crap we use at work, tends to slow me down to the point where I just don't see the need to bother. My Nintendo DS reading program won't rate my reading speed because it thinks I'm cheating. My brain is always writing novels and instructional guides, I can never switch it off, and when I harness it, my work rate becomes frightening. Why the hell am I scared of myself?
The list of things I can do goes on and on and on, and it means I don't fit in the everyday world. I am worried I sound arrogant, but what else can I do?
I walked up to a senior manager today and told her, "I love the people I work with but my job is driving me insane. I'm clever, I'm a very good problem solver, but I can't use any of my skills in this job and I don't think you are seeing anything like the best of me." I said I didn't mean to be rude or arrogant but everything seemed to be holding me back and slowing me down.
They're training new teams to be technical problem-solvers and she's going to see if she can break the rules for me and get me onto one of these teams. She said she's going to try to get me back on full-time hours with a good shift, not the horrible rota with 11-hour days and 9pm finishes every day.
She said that she does think I need special treatment because of my skills (and disadvantages - my talk-time is way too high because I never shut up!), and since I have special requirements but can match them with some highly-developed skills, I might find out within a few days or weeks if they're gonna do something for me, or I have to apply for a new job.
Sorry to vent, I just need to do this every so often. Thanks for reading.
I have now to come to understand how fear has always held me back in life and how it keeps slowing my recovery. Thanks very much to the forum members who have helped me through this and thank you also to Claire Weekes, who is still guiding lost people home after all these decades.
I've always been treated as the weird outsider who didn't connect with people and who was either brain damaged or somehow deficient. My therapist has helped me to realise that yeah, being aspergers makes things difficult for me at times, but I was gifted with skills that I've never been trained to use and I have never had encouragement because no-one understood me.
Since receiving behavioural therapy for aspergers, I can watch whole films at 3x normal speed and understand everything, even technical language (although I don't because it destroys the tension and disconnects me even more from other people!).
I find that technology, especially the crap we use at work, tends to slow me down to the point where I just don't see the need to bother. My Nintendo DS reading program won't rate my reading speed because it thinks I'm cheating. My brain is always writing novels and instructional guides, I can never switch it off, and when I harness it, my work rate becomes frightening. Why the hell am I scared of myself?
The list of things I can do goes on and on and on, and it means I don't fit in the everyday world. I am worried I sound arrogant, but what else can I do?
I walked up to a senior manager today and told her, "I love the people I work with but my job is driving me insane. I'm clever, I'm a very good problem solver, but I can't use any of my skills in this job and I don't think you are seeing anything like the best of me." I said I didn't mean to be rude or arrogant but everything seemed to be holding me back and slowing me down.
They're training new teams to be technical problem-solvers and she's going to see if she can break the rules for me and get me onto one of these teams. She said she's going to try to get me back on full-time hours with a good shift, not the horrible rota with 11-hour days and 9pm finishes every day.
She said that she does think I need special treatment because of my skills (and disadvantages - my talk-time is way too high because I never shut up!), and since I have special requirements but can match them with some highly-developed skills, I might find out within a few days or weeks if they're gonna do something for me, or I have to apply for a new job.
Sorry to vent, I just need to do this every so often. Thanks for reading.