markymark
17-02-13, 15:59
Hi everyone,
Two weeks ago my anxiety was so overwhelming that I really didn't know where to turn. I realised I needed to find some help and came across this website ...
My problem is that I suffer from anxiety in the workplace which occurs around specific situations such as group meetings and presentations. I'm 40 years old and I've suffered from this problem to varying degrees nearly all of my working life but it has got worse with age to the point that at times it is becoming a real struggle to do my job.
I work in a corporate office environment and spend most of my time at my desk working on a computer but I do have to participate in morning meetings where I am required to stand up and give a status update to 10-15 of my colleagues each day. These meetings cause me a huge amount of anxiety to the point where I often feel like I'm having a panic attack before or during them and spend most of my time thinking and worrying about them. On the odd occasion where I am asked to do a presentation, meltdown ensues and I have prolonged period of anxiety and panic until the event has passed.
It is often the *anticipation* of taking my turn to speak and trying to remember what to say that causes me to panic. My heart races, I sweat and I shake and the panic causes me to become tongue tied and to completely forget what I was going to say which then causes more anxiety for next time, exasperating the problem further. The worst thing for me is the feeling that I am embarrassing or humiliating myself in front of my work colleagues. In reality, rarely has anyone ever noticed my inner turmoil and ironically, some employers have even mentioned my good communication skills in references (!).
One of the most difficult things I find with my problem is that it is totally at odds with the rest of my personality which is otherwise friendly, social and fairly outgoing. The fact that I cannot reconcile my behaviour internally causes me a lot of anguish as I find it difficult to see myself as a timid anxious person when in most other circumstances I am not.
It's difficult to say why I have this problem. It has certainly got worse during periods where certain life events have placed significant pressures on me and where my responsibilities have increased; at times during the last five years, I've been massively overworked, under severe financial strain and had some serious illnesses in my family. Some of my behaviour must also have been learned as I grew up in a home where both parents were strong introverts and some members of my family suffer from agoraphobia. That said, up until my mid twenties, I had no problems at all; it's only after a prolonged period of stress that I have become so mentally beleaguered as I find myself now.
Back to the here and now and my reason for writing this post. I've recently started a new job which is always a bad thing for me as the settling in period often magnifies my anxiety and panic. I'm four weeks in and this time my anxiety has been very bad such that I was forced to confess to my wife that I have a problem. She hadn't known anything before and has been quite supportive. I realised this time I needed to do something to properly help myself because at times, things have felt like they're getting out of hand and that the panic is slowly consuming my whole life. I worry about my ability to continue to provide for my family if things continue as they are. One thing I thought might be of some help was to post a bit about myself on this forum to see if there is anyone out there who may have had a similar problem and/or if anyone could give me any advice?
It's worth me saying that over the last couple of weeks, things have improved for me a fair bit. Firstly I read on this site about the negative effect of caffeine and immediately gave it up. After a period of strong headaches, the effect of doing this was a noticeable reduction in my overall feeling of anxiety. I generally feel a lot calmer and I wish I had done this years ago because the caffeine cannot have helped over the years. In doing this, I also gave up aspartame as a result of no longer drinking diet coke - this is another substance linked to anxiety.
I have also started regularly taking Kava Kava for relaxation purposes. I know there are health concerns on Kava Kava but I've concluded the positive effects outweigh the risks - I take small amounts only on weekday mornings and I'm monitoring my health regularly. For me, the alternative to this is not good because I have on occasions tried to self sedate using alcohol even during work hours. In doing this, I've been concerned about creating a dependency (which in itself causes me anxiety!) and so I have been careful to control my intake but I've never been a very good drinker and so to cut that out has been a relief. The effects of Kava Kava on my anxiety have been outstanding but I would not encourage anyone to take it without properly understanding the health risks.
Anyway, many thanks for taking the time to read this, I wish you the best of luck if you yourself are involved in a similar personal struggle against anxiety and/or panic. Please do reply if you have any useful advice or have had a similar experience yourself, particularly if you suffer from this type of situational/performance anxiety at work. I also intend on getting some help through CBT so any recommendations on good therapists in the north London or home counties area would be useful.
Kind Regards,
Mark.
Two weeks ago my anxiety was so overwhelming that I really didn't know where to turn. I realised I needed to find some help and came across this website ...
My problem is that I suffer from anxiety in the workplace which occurs around specific situations such as group meetings and presentations. I'm 40 years old and I've suffered from this problem to varying degrees nearly all of my working life but it has got worse with age to the point that at times it is becoming a real struggle to do my job.
I work in a corporate office environment and spend most of my time at my desk working on a computer but I do have to participate in morning meetings where I am required to stand up and give a status update to 10-15 of my colleagues each day. These meetings cause me a huge amount of anxiety to the point where I often feel like I'm having a panic attack before or during them and spend most of my time thinking and worrying about them. On the odd occasion where I am asked to do a presentation, meltdown ensues and I have prolonged period of anxiety and panic until the event has passed.
It is often the *anticipation* of taking my turn to speak and trying to remember what to say that causes me to panic. My heart races, I sweat and I shake and the panic causes me to become tongue tied and to completely forget what I was going to say which then causes more anxiety for next time, exasperating the problem further. The worst thing for me is the feeling that I am embarrassing or humiliating myself in front of my work colleagues. In reality, rarely has anyone ever noticed my inner turmoil and ironically, some employers have even mentioned my good communication skills in references (!).
One of the most difficult things I find with my problem is that it is totally at odds with the rest of my personality which is otherwise friendly, social and fairly outgoing. The fact that I cannot reconcile my behaviour internally causes me a lot of anguish as I find it difficult to see myself as a timid anxious person when in most other circumstances I am not.
It's difficult to say why I have this problem. It has certainly got worse during periods where certain life events have placed significant pressures on me and where my responsibilities have increased; at times during the last five years, I've been massively overworked, under severe financial strain and had some serious illnesses in my family. Some of my behaviour must also have been learned as I grew up in a home where both parents were strong introverts and some members of my family suffer from agoraphobia. That said, up until my mid twenties, I had no problems at all; it's only after a prolonged period of stress that I have become so mentally beleaguered as I find myself now.
Back to the here and now and my reason for writing this post. I've recently started a new job which is always a bad thing for me as the settling in period often magnifies my anxiety and panic. I'm four weeks in and this time my anxiety has been very bad such that I was forced to confess to my wife that I have a problem. She hadn't known anything before and has been quite supportive. I realised this time I needed to do something to properly help myself because at times, things have felt like they're getting out of hand and that the panic is slowly consuming my whole life. I worry about my ability to continue to provide for my family if things continue as they are. One thing I thought might be of some help was to post a bit about myself on this forum to see if there is anyone out there who may have had a similar problem and/or if anyone could give me any advice?
It's worth me saying that over the last couple of weeks, things have improved for me a fair bit. Firstly I read on this site about the negative effect of caffeine and immediately gave it up. After a period of strong headaches, the effect of doing this was a noticeable reduction in my overall feeling of anxiety. I generally feel a lot calmer and I wish I had done this years ago because the caffeine cannot have helped over the years. In doing this, I also gave up aspartame as a result of no longer drinking diet coke - this is another substance linked to anxiety.
I have also started regularly taking Kava Kava for relaxation purposes. I know there are health concerns on Kava Kava but I've concluded the positive effects outweigh the risks - I take small amounts only on weekday mornings and I'm monitoring my health regularly. For me, the alternative to this is not good because I have on occasions tried to self sedate using alcohol even during work hours. In doing this, I've been concerned about creating a dependency (which in itself causes me anxiety!) and so I have been careful to control my intake but I've never been a very good drinker and so to cut that out has been a relief. The effects of Kava Kava on my anxiety have been outstanding but I would not encourage anyone to take it without properly understanding the health risks.
Anyway, many thanks for taking the time to read this, I wish you the best of luck if you yourself are involved in a similar personal struggle against anxiety and/or panic. Please do reply if you have any useful advice or have had a similar experience yourself, particularly if you suffer from this type of situational/performance anxiety at work. I also intend on getting some help through CBT so any recommendations on good therapists in the north London or home counties area would be useful.
Kind Regards,
Mark.