Glyph
01-12-12, 23:24
Sp I originally posted this on the end of SFAOK's excellent The Battle that Rages in my Head post. But it was putting a depressing spin on a very post that was MEANT to be encouraging, and I didn't want to ruin it for everyone.
So I'm putting my little argument with my inner Glyph here instead, if only so anybody who might have similar experiences can see what goes on in my head. Please feel free to ignore if you're tired of newcomers whining, I'm not even entirely sure WHY I'm posting this, I just... feel the need to. Black is me, Red is Rational!Glyph, who, as you might have guessed, does not get to come out to play very often and is subsequently a bit crabby.
Alright, so I'm being sent for blood tests and a scan. I don't even know what this scan entails but presumably it finds OFF stuff.
Yay, go you. See? I told you she wouldn't just call you an idiot hypochondriac and send you on your way. And she thinks it's a cyst, right?
She said MAYBE, she couldn't be sure.
No wonder, it's tiny, and I'm no Doctor but with something that small and directly on a neck muscle? It'd probably be hard to tell exactly what IT WAS.This test and scan is just a precaution. It's probably routine with lumps that don't go away. You asked her, she said it was routine. What more do you want?
I was worried about Lymphoma, but she thinks it's my Thyroid instead. What if it's thyroid cancer? :weep:
It could be any number of things, with Cancer being somewhere near the bottom of the list to a 25 year old non-smoking, non drinking woman with no family history of either lymphoma or thyroid problems.
I grew up around my mother, SHE smoked. :unsure:
I know, I was THERE. What could she give you that she hadn't given herself in that time? Second hand smoke isn't a good thing, true, but it's still unlikely.
But now my throat is sore. And it feels strange.
Probably due to panic... also, prodding. Leave it alone. Look, the GP was shining a torch down there barely two days ago. I think if anything were going on that isn't just the beginning of a cold she'd have mentioned it.
I've had that almost-but-not-quite-a-cold for months, what if that's something else? What if that's a sign something bad is wrong?
...Or maybe you're just fighting a very persistent virus or something? hell maybe THAT'S what caused the lump! Whatever is there, if anything, I'm sure the blood test will pick it up.
What if it doesn't?
It will. Those few examples you see on drama tv where the Doctors miss really important stuff? They aren't the norm. Just ask the nice guy who started the other post and was treated so quickly and he actually HAD something worth worrying about that was, thankfully, fixed. If he can do it, you can cope with a vague maybe.
But... the weight loss? The itching? Tiredness?
All. Potentially. Explainable. And all of which got worse AFTER you started googling? What part of 'it's a precaution' aren't you processing here? Besides, even if it WAS cancer, which is highly unlikely, thyroid cancer is HIGHLY treatable, most people get better. Lymphoma is pretty damn treatable too actually. The odds are ridiculously pro-Glyph right now
...Yes but you know what I'm like for ending up in minorities.
Oh, stop bringing silly ideas like karma and fate into this. The real world doesn't work according to lucky rabbit's feet.
...What if it's that one rare type? Aplasty-something? The one with a 14% five year survival rate and an average of six months of survival? :scared15:
Oh come on, now that is the LEAST likely out of all the possible thyroid cancers, and you've already had that lump for a month, if it were THAT one you'd probably be really sick by now.
I feel sick!
Because you're freaking out! You already KNOW this! You've made posts about it!
...Stomach pain?
Okay I admit, no idea what that is, but I'm willing to place bets on it not being important. Or the anxiety. Again.
And now it feels like there's a lump in my throat going round to my ear that's DEFINITELY something, and my neck is hurting right now.:weep:
You've been prodding at your throat for half an hour, and your ears are connected to the throat, you numskull :mad:! Whatever it is it's HIGHLY unlikely to be cancer.
But... what IF?
...Can't stop that. Sorry. It's the 'what if' that brought you here and the what if that keeps you here, where you feel there's no escape. But there is. Now LISTEN to the people who have the same problems you do with the HA, listen to your doctor, calm down, and WAIT FOR THE BLOOD TEST.
...Why can't I believe you?
I wish I flipping knew! :mad:
Uh, yeah, my inner voice makes me cry a bit, and not with relief... even my own BRAIN thinks I'm being ridiculous :weep:
So I'm putting my little argument with my inner Glyph here instead, if only so anybody who might have similar experiences can see what goes on in my head. Please feel free to ignore if you're tired of newcomers whining, I'm not even entirely sure WHY I'm posting this, I just... feel the need to. Black is me, Red is Rational!Glyph, who, as you might have guessed, does not get to come out to play very often and is subsequently a bit crabby.
Alright, so I'm being sent for blood tests and a scan. I don't even know what this scan entails but presumably it finds OFF stuff.
Yay, go you. See? I told you she wouldn't just call you an idiot hypochondriac and send you on your way. And she thinks it's a cyst, right?
She said MAYBE, she couldn't be sure.
No wonder, it's tiny, and I'm no Doctor but with something that small and directly on a neck muscle? It'd probably be hard to tell exactly what IT WAS.This test and scan is just a precaution. It's probably routine with lumps that don't go away. You asked her, she said it was routine. What more do you want?
I was worried about Lymphoma, but she thinks it's my Thyroid instead. What if it's thyroid cancer? :weep:
It could be any number of things, with Cancer being somewhere near the bottom of the list to a 25 year old non-smoking, non drinking woman with no family history of either lymphoma or thyroid problems.
I grew up around my mother, SHE smoked. :unsure:
I know, I was THERE. What could she give you that she hadn't given herself in that time? Second hand smoke isn't a good thing, true, but it's still unlikely.
But now my throat is sore. And it feels strange.
Probably due to panic... also, prodding. Leave it alone. Look, the GP was shining a torch down there barely two days ago. I think if anything were going on that isn't just the beginning of a cold she'd have mentioned it.
I've had that almost-but-not-quite-a-cold for months, what if that's something else? What if that's a sign something bad is wrong?
...Or maybe you're just fighting a very persistent virus or something? hell maybe THAT'S what caused the lump! Whatever is there, if anything, I'm sure the blood test will pick it up.
What if it doesn't?
It will. Those few examples you see on drama tv where the Doctors miss really important stuff? They aren't the norm. Just ask the nice guy who started the other post and was treated so quickly and he actually HAD something worth worrying about that was, thankfully, fixed. If he can do it, you can cope with a vague maybe.
But... the weight loss? The itching? Tiredness?
All. Potentially. Explainable. And all of which got worse AFTER you started googling? What part of 'it's a precaution' aren't you processing here? Besides, even if it WAS cancer, which is highly unlikely, thyroid cancer is HIGHLY treatable, most people get better. Lymphoma is pretty damn treatable too actually. The odds are ridiculously pro-Glyph right now
...Yes but you know what I'm like for ending up in minorities.
Oh, stop bringing silly ideas like karma and fate into this. The real world doesn't work according to lucky rabbit's feet.
...What if it's that one rare type? Aplasty-something? The one with a 14% five year survival rate and an average of six months of survival? :scared15:
Oh come on, now that is the LEAST likely out of all the possible thyroid cancers, and you've already had that lump for a month, if it were THAT one you'd probably be really sick by now.
I feel sick!
Because you're freaking out! You already KNOW this! You've made posts about it!
...Stomach pain?
Okay I admit, no idea what that is, but I'm willing to place bets on it not being important. Or the anxiety. Again.
And now it feels like there's a lump in my throat going round to my ear that's DEFINITELY something, and my neck is hurting right now.:weep:
You've been prodding at your throat for half an hour, and your ears are connected to the throat, you numskull :mad:! Whatever it is it's HIGHLY unlikely to be cancer.
But... what IF?
...Can't stop that. Sorry. It's the 'what if' that brought you here and the what if that keeps you here, where you feel there's no escape. But there is. Now LISTEN to the people who have the same problems you do with the HA, listen to your doctor, calm down, and WAIT FOR THE BLOOD TEST.
...Why can't I believe you?
I wish I flipping knew! :mad:
Uh, yeah, my inner voice makes me cry a bit, and not with relief... even my own BRAIN thinks I'm being ridiculous :weep: