Rock bottom

[Martha21]

Hi there, I havent used the forum before and am hoping to hear from people who may have been in my ' shoes' at some time.
I have had a few episodes of severe depression and anxiety and somehow have always managed to pull through. However, i am having an episode at the moment which has become unbearable. I am on citalopram 20mg and my doctor wants me to 'have a go' at upping to 30mg. I feel too terrified to do this because i know it increases anxiety and I feel if it gets any worse, my only option is to go into hospital, which i dont want. I feel physically weak, and my arms and legs feel like they are burning. I am exhausted and have lost too much weight which frightens me. There is so much more i could say, panic attacks, headaches, light headedness, etc., but i would be here all night. I just wondered if anyone out there has felt like this and can give me some hope.
Thanks.

[Magik]

Welcome to NMP, Martha. I know what it's like not to like having your medication up'd. If you're not comfortable with the medications they have you on, you could always ask if there's an alternative one? My doctor is still switching my medications to find what might be the best one for me.

If its the "Possible side effects" That have you afraid, if you're taking 20mg of it already, its a good possibility that it won't have much change for you, there shouldn't be a chance of developing any of those side effects. Some can make you more anxious yes, but if he prescribed it for your anxiety, then I'm sure he's had some success with that certain type of medication on others.

I get so much depression over going through this anxiety stuff, but when you find something that works for you and it helps, it'll be worth it. Just think on that and I hope it helps get you through abit easier. Trying it doesn't hurt anything.

[joannap]

hi there. i felt like you did nearly 2 years ago and am still struggling. one of my biggest fears was going into hospital but despite terrible anxiety 24/7 (i really did not feel it was possible to feel so bad and was amazed i was alive at the end of each day!) and having several emergency dashes to see the hospital psychiatrist - at no point was being admitted ever suggested to me even though i felt it was inevitable - i was told that only usually happens with extreme cases of bi polar etc - when they feel you are at serious risk of harming yourself/loosing touch with reality and i do know how you feel because i honestly can't believe it was possible to feel worse - i felt trapped in a living hell!

i tried an increase in meds - prozac was upped from 20mg to 40mg and i did not have any increase in side effects but unfortunately i did not see a therapeutic effect either! anti depressants have always pulled me out of severe spells before but didn't seem to work this time so my gp and i were at a loss to know what to do. i have been anxious all my life and when the anti depressants worked like magic - i never needed to address the underlying causes/thought patterns etc and so sometimes - if meds dont; work or we feel like we are not getting much benefit from them - we need to learn other strategies to deal with it. it was explained to me that anxiety can become like a habit - the brain gets entrenched in anxious patterns/ways of thinking. i was distraught for months trying to get my head around the fact that i could not take a magic pill! both my gp and myself didn't want to try endless drugs that may not improve things - i was in such a state that they didn't want to risk added effects of swopping/changing.

if you have not tried any form of cbt then now could be a good time to start. i found it immensely stressful at first but did start to see results. the trouble is - i forget to keep it up and so am always slipping back! i get the burning feeling in my arms/legs that you describe - its just adrenalin flowing through your system and believe it or not - although it feels awful - your body is trying to protect you - its giving you the energy to fight/take flight even though the only thing you are trying to fight/run from is yourself! - your body continues to think you are in "danger" because every thought you have such as - when is this going to go/i can't bear it/its awful etc only increases the symptoms because again you are telling your body that you are in danger!

the way i got my anxiety down to more bearable levels was to start reacting to my anxiety differently. it was still there all the time but i tried to accept everything i was feeling and to not add on any more scary thoughts etc - acceptance feels practically impossible but worrying/getting worked about the way that you feel does not help in any way. if i felt particularly panicked - i made myself put my trainers on and run around the block to burn off the adrenalin. when my anxiety was lower i started to look at my thoughts and change them to more balanced ones and made myself do things/go out - you basically have to do the opposite of what your mind/body is telling you.

just to reassure you about how bad i was - i could not be left alone - my husband and mum had to spend time with me constantly because i was so frightened. i remember not even having the strength to hang a bauble on the christmas tree! I suffered terrible stomach pain/indigestion/headaches/dizziness and couldn't sleep without sleeping tablets. i was also on beta blockers (they could help take the edge off for you too?) and the occasional valium. the point i am making is that i am still here lol and the way through this disorder is to ultimately accept we have it and then to try and do all we can to manage it.

i wish you all the best! xx

[R.Barratt]

hello martha 21 :)
i am really sorry to hear that you are feeling so down and in such a dark place. but there are so many people on this site to give you advice or just listen so we can help each other reach the other side.
it is possible i know right now you are probably feeling very dishearted and feel like it will always be this way but believe me it gets better.
do you have a supportive family? its important to have a good supportive network. i only have my boyfriend but luckily i also have nmp which helps greatly.
there are my aways to at least try and decrease your anxiety exercise is always good but if you cant manage going out maybe something just to keep your hands busy like arts and crafts etc as your mind is focused on what your doing.
hope ive helped if you would liek you can message me whenever i am on nmp every day xxx

[theharvestmouse]

Martha, without knowing your full circumstances its difficult to give advice. But what I will say is I've been there, and not so long ago.

I was on Citalopram as well (20mg) for 5 months, I stopped taking it because I never felt any different while I was on it and I hate being on medication.

But I also did CBT and that actually did help me. I'd recommend you give it a try, because I think it equips you with more tools to cope with anxiety than taking medication does.

The other thing is to try to do something that helps your wellbeing, go for a walk in the park or open space, its amazing the difference it can make sometimes.

[hoppipolla]

Hm... perhaps you could try natural therapies?

There are some good ones on here:

http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/depression.html

Nature is a great solution to most things! hehe :)