View Full Version : PTSD Loss Of Time anyone experience this
Hi,
I currently diagnosed with Agitated Depression and Acute Stress Disorder and have been suffering badly with nightmares and flashbacks. I also struggle with my concentration and long term memory and suffer constantly from intrusive thoughts which although feel real to me , my wife assures me are unreal.
Anyway to cut a long story short , I recall going to bed last night and sleeping ok , got out of bed and dressed this morning, went outside for a cigarette ( which sadly seems to be one of my triggers in relation to a trauma in which we had a bad house fire but I have been trying to kick the habit to no avail so sadly caught up in this daily ) and thats all I recall , and then I remember sitting in the bath talking to my wife asking me what day is it , what year is it and me holding a rubber duck.
Apparently between me having the cigarette and the bath we had left the house , gone to asda and got some messages , then returned home. I vaguely remember going only after her telling me what we had done and could only remember some of what we had done again by means of flashbacks not like continuous memory , which worries me as only happened today ... so I am at a loss and very worried now.
I am currenly on medications and see a pyschologist but working only on work in relation to keeping me in the present , no trauma work as yet.
Has anybody any experiences of this , or can relate to it , please assure me Im not going mad. Is it anxiety again playing its evil way with my head.
Hey Bignik,
I've seen your posts about PTSD it must be awful for you. It makes you feel like you're not you anymore doesn't it. I would definately mention to this to your psych, sounds a little bit like you are so wrapped up in your thoughts and memories you are getting a bit depersonalized and not concentrating on life. PTSD is such a complecated subject but I'm sure your psychologist will have seen this symptom in lots of people.
Hi Pancho , thanks for responding , yes I feel as if Im in a dilema with my Pyschologist who in fairness is very good , whilst having CBT she always keeps reminding me I have to stay in the present , which I do or try to , but with all this going on each day is very difficult. I cant even think what Im going to do tomorrow these flashbacks and dreams just keep happening daily I try and get through them best I can but its as if Im miles away. Each night I feel scared to go to sleep at times afraid of what the next day will bring
She actually called today to tell me she had spoke to my Psychiatrist about a medication I was on when in hospital , chlorpromazine which is anti pyschotic but in small doses it helps with anxiety so Im hoping that may help. I have this fear of drugs especially diazepam which I have on a need to basis, I dont like taking as was on them last year and coming off them is no fun at all. It may help with the anxiety but doesnt help with the nightmares or flashbacks very frustrating. I was also a heavy drinker for many years but now sober and my addictive nature concerns me also hence fear of dependancy on medications.
Just this feeling of loss of time spooked me a bit , like you say perhaps depersonalized going through the motions but my mind going through again and again thoughts and memories. Im married and have three kids and I feel a million miles away from them at times emotionally. Its not I dont love them I do , I just dont feel that emotional attachment to them that I always remember I did before I was unwell, in fact at times because Im unwell I feel as if I'm a burden to them. Concentrating on life can be difficult when the majority of your day is being consumed by the past. Let the thoughts flow by , thoughts cant harm you , it doesnt feel that way at times.
I guess I just have to take it for what it was and plod on and hope tomorrow is a better day , this anxiety is a horrible thing ...
Bless you, remember that lots of people have this and you are not alone in your problem, evn though it can feel that way. What are your strategies for coming back to the present when you find yourself floating away, or "grounding strategies"? Do you have something you really enjoy doing and getting into, so that it consumes your attention? When I get foggy, I have to go and make music and that sorts me right out :)
If they prescribe you something, try and give it a go even if the thought of it is scary. If you sort out those flahsbacks you can deal with your anxiety better. One step at a time I suppose! Someone said to me that trauma is like a quilt that won't go in the cupboard. All the sheets fold up nicely and occasionally fall out, but a big trauma is like a big bouncy duvet that won't fit in anywhere and your brain keeps trying to push it out and refold it and put it back in but it never works. You need to tie it up and make a space for it and things like that :)
Sadly I havent mastered the art of grounding myself on my own yet , my wife tends to do it , I keep working on breathing , relaxation and visual imagery , but all I see and feel is the same sensations I have when having flashback , I try go for a walk , stick a cigarette in my mouth and hey presto Im off again.
Ive been a workaholic all my working life , had very little time for hobbies , although I used to enjoy going to the gym , Im hoping with the new medication it will at least allow me to wake up and start the day settled and then I can get to the gym , the visual part of the flashbacks I think I can handle , I keep telling myself its just an image and an image Ive seen time after time , its the feelings , sensations , anxiety, dream like kind of state that sets me off and makes me think Im going mad.
I often get up in the morning and think just pop a couple of diazepam and you will be fine and go and have a good day , but then a part of me says due to my addictive nature you start that attitude Nik you will be popping them like smarties , you have to somehow grasp this and manage this in a normal fashion ... if it can be done that is , if not then Im stuffed I think .... perhaps Im being too hard on myself , wishing myself to get better too quick . I dont know , all I do know just now is its a horrible place to find oneself in ... and I dont mean that in Im feeling sorry for myself kind of way as I do know many others on the site have similar problems and issues that they are battling with themselves
dream like kind of state that sets me off and makes me think Im going mad.
lol with anxiety there's always a part of you that thinks your going mad, and that's proof you have a sane bit.
A good grounding techinque and the one that helps me most is naming objects and what they look like or feel like or smell like. Lamp post, its tall and grey with white bits and rusty patches...ooh and there's a bush and it's green with little leaves and pretty flowers etc.
Tomorrow, get down to that gym, make space for it and don't even wait till you feel better. Just do it. If that's something you enjoy doing, get back to it and experience it again so you remember what doing something pleasurable feels like. If you can't manage getting down there, do something nice like make a chocolate and banana sandwich or have a bath. Always have room for something uplifting, even if the work distracts you.
Have time for you dude :)
LOL , I was actually trying to get a hold of a friend of mine , who strangely enough I met in hospital and when we were in we made a pact when we got out we would get together and go to the gym , sadly he was out so perhaps if not tomorrow perhaps we will go day after .. I think your right got to work a way around it , mornings for me especially bad , so perhaps a way of breaking the vicous circle of thought , will let you know if I manage it and how I get on Pancho , thanks for your responses
Thats great to hear Bignik, hope you break that cycle :)
spoke to pyscologist in detail and she confirms was depersonalisation and very common , not of course that made the experience any less scary , since had another episode so trying to hang with it. Got to get out ! its driving me barmy this.
no I didnt , I actually called my friend up tonight to ask , he had a meeting to go to but weve agreed I will pop over tomorrow and make a plan of action. I know at the moment Im a little hesitant and unsure of myself , mornings always worse for me , but hes a good guy and if any problems I know Im in safe hands. He is Ex Army so he seen it all before and if I do have any problems like depersonalisation or a panic attack he good chap to ground me without me freaking out. He kept me going when I was in hospital if it werent for him I think my stay would have been longer. I will let you know how I get on but staying in house and being miserable is getting me nowhere , so baby steps it is
The smaller the steps the further you go :)
well managed it Pancho , albeit nervous wreck we had a sauna and a session in the steam room , nothing physical yet but will try and keep at it , like you say small steps
Well done Bignik! So proud of you! I wish my gym had a sauna.. :hugs:
went again today and was a little better , until I came out and wham flashback from nowhere so it knocked me off my stride a little today , but were planning again for monday so hopefully better , Im not giving in that easy:lac:
Ah I'm glad you are planning ahead. I guess the flashback was your PTSD not liking the fact you are making a change, like new medication having side effects. Push through it and the side effects wear off :D
a little short lived although been off last few days and had to rely on diazepam , I had a bad session today , another flashback and lost 3 hours , apparently my wife again tried to talk me down but had to give me diazepam and get me into bed.
I dont know what caused it , I went to gym myself today , but started freaking out a bit as I was on my own but I tried to battle through it lasted an hour before I came home, and then when home wham .... but again I know I must soldier on best I can , its a horrible thing as are all other anxiety related illnesses my sympathy with every one that suffers.
I got my pyschologist next monday for my cbt so Im hoping perhaps we can make sense of things and ease the burden that little bit more
committeddoxy
20-03-12, 19:17
Hi,
Can I ask if this is the same thing as dissociation? I'm trying to get to grips with the language around PTSD. If it's not the same phenomena, what's the difference?
I do loose time on a smaller scale. Today I spent ages looking for where I'd put some decorating brushes, yesterday evening. I had absolutely no recollection of having cleaned 3 brushes but it must have taken half an hour or so.
My therapist says I'm to practice mindfulness, but to do this you need to notice when your thoughts are actually deserting you. Tricky. I can now tell when I'm fixating on something completely unhealthy (I start crying, it's a good clue!) and make an effort to get back to now, so I guess that's an improvement.
Maybe practice makes perfect, same as other skills.
All the best with your recovery
Doxy
x
I dont know Doxy to be honest I am still trying to get my head around it also dpersonalisation derealisation and disasscociation , problem I have is putting the feelings I encounter into words its like a dream like state , when I get into it I remember little things like my wife waving her hands in front of me , asking me things , but I dont understand what she is saying or I dont reply to her , I can recall a little for eg I was in the bath today , but I dont remember her bathing me .. its scary but only when its ok when after youve come out of it , because you know its past , but when you go into the state of mind it just kind of happens , your just not aware of it. I'm constantly anxious at the moment , every waking minute its just at what level.
lol sorry about the delay , yes and sauna make a point of every couple of days , and walking on the other days , eg around the local wildlife park etc
lol sorry about the delay , yes and sauna make a point of every couple of days , and walking on the other days , eg around the local wildlife park etc
Woah you do know it's October now do you? Or has the loss time got a whooole lot worse? :roflmao:
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