mum2four
22-05-06, 03:10
I have issues with paying for things that I feel unneeded. I get extreamly resistant and scared about paying for anything that I can't convince my self I have to pay for to stay of jail or sane. The fear of going insane is more over paying the bill it self of giving in to the person expecting me to pay them for what eva it was. I fear not being able to provide something inportant to my kids to them if I'm forced to pay for it no matter how much money I have at the time no matter if someone steps up as says thay pay for it I still feel really extream enxiety over the issue. I also fear paying the bill and still beinhg seen to be near the person of place in some way and My fear there is debateimg with he people about the issues even after the issue has past or I fear thay take more and more from me if I give in to them and and then it will get to a point of total to hard to deal with and I will freak out and loose control or loose my mind or get my self arrested. If I get arrested I will go insane and or kill my self while in jail before i can be released again. If for some reason I did get out I would have no kids tp come back to and I would go insane a kill my self for sure for loosing my kids.
I feel like even this minor bump in the road has cause me to be anxious about going to school and taking my som to child care from this day forward. I feel like the ecpectation to give 2 weeks notice is too high a price to pay for everything els that feel posible to happen even thoe I know to this date that I still have not had my fear come true yet and I doubt thay will but it seem like to much of risk and I cant handle feeling this way I hate the thiniking cause the thinking it's self feels like it could send me insane anyway so I never gona win so whats the point of living in the world if I can think more normally and stay sane and fit in and cope in this world.
I feel like even this minor bump in the road has cause me to be anxious about going to school and taking my som to child care from this day forward. I feel like the ecpectation to give 2 weeks notice is too high a price to pay for everything els that feel posible to happen even thoe I know to this date that I still have not had my fear come true yet and I doubt thay will but it seem like to much of risk and I cant handle feeling this way I hate the thiniking cause the thinking it's self feels like it could send me insane anyway so I never gona win so whats the point of living in the world if I can think more normally and stay sane and fit in and cope in this world.