Hello everyone! :0)

[pinkunicorn]

I could really do with some support here. I joined last week,but don't seem to have had any response really from anyone,I written on other peoples profiles....but not really had any response. I feel like I'm holding out a virtual hand here to anyone that needs help and support,but I'm also looking for someone to take my hand and guide me and give me some reassurance that I'm not going crazy!!!

[nomorepanic]

Hi pinkunicorn

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Babikins]

Hello (:

I'm so sorry you feel ignored, everyone is here to help and be helped and it's such a shame you don't feel like that balance is equal. What's the problem? If I can help I will be more than happy to do so (:

B,

x

[pinkunicorn]

Hello! Thank you so much for responding! It means a lot! I guess I'm struggling with depression and anxiety and have been for years. I've had my counselling session tonight and I guess I'm feeling a little bit wobbly,a bit like my emotions are all over the place. I feel sad,upset...just all the usual stuff. I feel alone,most of all,I think that's the hardest thing at the moment,I feel so desolate and isolated. I'm trying my best to overcome these issues and move forward,but on my own,it's hard. I know none of this probably makes sense,it's hard for me to understand,I can't get to the core of what's wrong,because it doesn't seem to be one specifc thing. I feel like I'm just ranting about nothing here and like I don't have a right to feel this way,but,I can't deny how I feel,as hard as I try to forget it and move forward,it won't let me,because the heavy feeling inside is always there and it hurts so much inside.Thanks for at least listening,even if you don't fully understand. Goodness,I bet you wish you never asked!!! LOL !! What's your story honey.....

[Babikins]

My lovely, you just described depression perfectly. "The heavy feeling inside is always there and it hurts so much inside." And you have no need to feel guilty for feeling that way. Depression is an awful struggle, every day and it is something that stands over you like a black cloud. It can be so easy to think your alone because depression has a way of isolating us and making us feel like no one else could understand the pain it causes, but we do. You know depression is a chemical imbalance, it is a real physical illness. It isn't just "feeling blue" like some people say. We try and justify our feelings and give reasons for why we feel down, but how can we explain something we can't control?

There is a light to all this, don't forget that. We have our good days and we need to cherish them. In fact sometimes we need to search out the good in every day so that we begin to focus on the joy of life not just the saddness that overwhelms us sometimes for no reason.

Are you on any medication? It's a great step forward that you are seeing a therapist I'm sure it will really help you the more you go. I highly reccomend a thread called "two week challenge" it has some amazing ideas!

x

[LiquidSky]

Hi Pinkunicorn, I understand your frustration and I'm sorry you feel you are not getting a response from people. Are you able to join the chat room yet? It's a great place to chill and chat to people who feel similar to you :) and never feel like you are bothering people, everyone here is here to help eachother :)

[pinkunicorn]

Re: Liquid Sky
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I've not quite been on here a week yet,so I'm unable to enter the chat room yet. But,as soon as I am able to,I will go in,I think that will help to be able to speak to others.

[HarvestMoon]

Hi pinkunicorn, I feel very much alone all of the time as well but have to say since taking Citalopram am feeling a bit better, although still alone of course. Pills won't fnd you friends but more than one person has said to me that I seem different/better/more upbeat so maybe that will make me easier to be around. It might work for you too? Something to think about anyway.

Good luck!

[pinkunicorn]

RE;Harvest Moon
I totally agree,pills don't give you friends. I've been on Citilopram for 2 years,it made me feel robotic,like I didn't care about anything,I had no emotional connection to anything or anyone. I stopped taking the antidepressants 4 weeks ago and yeah,I now seem to be very sensitive and tearful,but I think how I feel needs to worked through,but that's very difficult in itself. I feel like everything is so raw,but I'm trying to stick with it. Tablets,weren't the solution,but I am starting to wonder what is! But,I think having people to talk to is a step in the right direction.

---------- Post added at 22:32 ---------- Previous post was at 22:28 ----------

RE; Babikins
Thanks for your lovely words tonight and not making me feel small and worthless. I came off citilopram 4 weeks ago,as I explained above! And I will certainly take a look at the 2 week challenge,at this point,I'm open to any suggestions that could help me to move forward. I guess I've been struggling with this for so many years that I cannot see a way forward,so a tiny ray of light,a kind word and someone actually taking the time to listen goes a long way....Thank you.

[HarvestMoon]

Blimey! I was robotic and unemotional before taking Citalopram so maybe it's working in reverse for me. I hope so. Thing is, of course, I don't want to be reliant on medication. Got to find my own way.
Are you new to counselling? I've had sessions on and off down the years but could really do with something long term I think. Can't afford it though.

[pinkunicorn]

That's exactly why I've come off the medication,I don't want to rely on it,I need to find my own way. I had 2 cycles of counselling throught my GP. The first sessions I had I was so unstable just going on the medication,I couldn't talk to her. The 2nd lot of sessions,I had a few sessions,then my counsellor was off ill long term (nothing to do with me,I don't think!!!! ) So,I was then kinda left out in the middle of no where. I contacted the primary mental health care team,who let me have a couple of sessions with someone different,but she decided,that I needed long term therapy,something that the NHS cannot provide. She did howver throw in that she knew what my problem was,knew how to help,but it would be 'unethical' to tell me,because she couldn't do the sessions with me! For her to say that to me was unethical in itself,totally threw me into turmoil. Anyway,I sought my own private counsellor and I have to say it's crippling me financially,but it's also keeping me sane having some support. I don't know for how long I will be able to afford it though.

[HarvestMoon]

Yes, nothing long term on the NHS. Must have been a bit upsetting to have someone tell you that they knew what was wrong with you and how to help but wouldn't do it! Crazy!! Good luck with the counselling, it's not for everyone but I've always found it helpful. The only thing I've had from the NHS, apart from pills, is some CBT which has been very stop/start and more stop than start at the moment. Haven't been impressed with it to tell the truth.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Hope you find lots more people here to talk to! Night night.