[everglades]

bless you all

i think i have probably considered every possibility known to man
and some
am in the lap of the gods now
decisions and me do not sit easily together
when you are so unsure of who you really are, it is hard to know what to do for the best.
People have endlessly said - 'do whats best for YOU' but i really have a very unstable sense of 'me' so it just makes me more stressed.

Will just go, see, talk, and hmmmmm, whatever

[Malinga]

Hello everyone, i was wondering if any of you could help me?

My partner has just been diagnosed with depression and has been put on Citelopram. She's only been on them a week so far and I know they take a while to kick in.

I love her very much and I don't know how I'm supposed to be with her. I'm scared anything I say will upset her. No matter what it is.

I know this sounds selfish and its not supposed to be, but she's pretty much moved in with me. We both work and I seem to be doing everything for her. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. When I've asked her to pick her clothes up from the floor she took it as I was saying she was in the way, which is not at all what I meant.

I'm trying to keep things as normal as possible around her but don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I can't find any advice as to what loved ones can do to help. I want to help her, and will do anything if it helps her get better.

Any advice or direction to some advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[everglades]

dont tell her to snap out of it
and dont tell her to stop making a fuss

listen if she needs to talk and tell her its ok to feel how she does, its not bad and she should not feel guilty

its hard
my hub copes with his work and hobbies - but then he always has which is part of the problem

just try to let her see that you love her - however she feels

[viking warrior]

Hi everglades

I hope I am able to give you some good, sound and supportive advice re your work

Firstly you are not alone,

I have to deal with a lot of these situations in my profession whilst fighting my own depression . see my other posts.

I don't know if you have been to see occupational health yet, but GP's and Occ health bods can be as much of the problem . If the occ health people and some gps I work with are anything to go by.

The problem as I see it . is that they take the easy option and just sign you off from work , here another prescription and here is your medical certificate for x weeks. a number of employees are quite happy to accept that with out challenging the GP/occ health prof

When I saw my GP he wanted to sign me off immediatley I said no that will make matters worse as the one thing that was keeping me going was actually going to work. If I stopped that then < I wouldnt get out of bed, wouldnt wash etc etc. and would then take my life. He was taken aback and listened to me and said yes going to work will give you a purpose and a focus to carry on. When I had a previous episode I was sent to Occ health, I wasnt sent there from a supportive employer quite the Opposite I had a very bullying manager who referred me. By the way I am a personnel Officer. The occ health told me why I was referred. and asked me what he wanted me to say to my employer. I told him exactly how i was feeling.
And he agreed that I needed to be at work and be more involved with more interesting aspect of personnel work.

He wrote everything I asked him to do. It annoyed my bullying boss big time. but I had the tenacity at that time to overcome the illness even though I was stuck in a room for four years with very little people contact
and no natural light in the room I worked out of.

My advice therefore everglades is to go back to your GP and Occ healgth and tell them what you want to do , that you would like to go back to work on a phased basis take the bull by the horns. it will not be easy but you can do it. Your employer as a duty to support you and even if you reduce hours or have the phased return then it will help boost your self confidence.

I have only confded with one person at work (not my immediate work colleagues) as they have no idea the state i am currently in) about how I am feeling at present. but it is comming to work sitting in an office on my own that is somehow keeping me going,

I hope this guidance is of some help to you


If you want to PM then please feel free.

[viking warrior]

Hi Malinga

Be tolerant my friend. Your partner has only been on the citlopram for a week. The side affects are horrendous for the first few weeks < I am now starting week five and still feel crap with them but they are helping

Like your partner I couldnt be bothered to do anything

be very supportive and suggest to them maybe theymight want to try doing a couple of very small tasks and if they do praise them.

My GP advised me the same , that I should write down three things that I was proud off, It was very hard to think of one thing let alone three, but I did it. when I saw him a few days later he said I would like you to do two simple tasks. I mentioned that I had loads of ironing to do and hadnt washed up for a week or so. His suggestion was to iron a couple of shirts and do the washing up.

I did the washing up and it has taken me a further two weeks to start the ironing. but I have achieved it. It wasnt much but it does help a little as while your doing these little chores your mind is distracted all beit a few minutes form the depression. Try that method it may or may not work but be supportive of your partner.

[LuckyLuke]

Originally Posted by everglades

bless you all

decisions and me do not sit easily together
when you are so unsure of who you really are, it is hard to know what to do for the best.
People have endlessly said - 'do whats best for YOU' but i really have a very unstable sense of 'me' so it just makes me more stressed.

everglades, I know the whole thing of not knowing who you are. I've struggled with that my whole life and the confusion over who I really am has been excrutiating.

I even quit my job recently (eveyone's told me I'm mad to do so because it's such a "good job") and the time off I've had I used to do a lot of soul searching.

I did a personality test here

http://www.keirsey.com/sorter/register.aspx

which I happily paid for, really because I was desperate and would try anything at this stage. There are free versions but the reports I paid for were well worth every penny.

I can't tell you how much this has changed my life, too see so much of me printed out in black and white, all the things I always knew about myself but didn't have the confidence to admit.

I've never been happier that I quit my job because the job was so counter to my personailty that it was making me depressed, despite it being such a "good job".

I'm now planning a complete change in my life and determined to make 2010 a very different year to what was a horrible 2009 !

I hope you find a sense of yourself and soon because in that lies happiness.

all the very best to you

LuckyLuke

[everglades]

i will look at it
problem is
i have bpd and/or other pd traits
so my personality is disordered - apparantly!!

its weird - some yrs ago i was on a course with work and did a left/right brain test
i came out dead centre - but the others who did said yey its great - get best of both, but for me it is torture - endless conflict
when i am v depressed i feel like i am actually splitting apart - and there is so much rowing going on in my head - god only knows who i should be listening to

[LuckyLuke]

I'm no doctor/psychologist but one test or one doctor won't give you the whole picture, so you could do as many personality type tests online as you can find and see what kind of picture emerges.

The more I read about my personality type (ENFP), the more I realise who I am (who I always knew I was) and the happier I am becoming in myslef which is very calming.

I hope you have as much success as I have had.

[everglades]

i cannot answer lots of questions in these things since i am split between them
i am glad it has helped you

personality disorders are very dif to personality types though
and they basically mess with your life and mean that the way i see the world, is not necessarily how things truly are

[Jill-Louise]

LuckyLuke...i did the personality test and it was spot on. Very inciteful, thanks.