Professional worrier with long time health anxiety.

I am so glad to know there are other people just like me that have the same issues. Please forgive my rambling. This is one of the first times I can express myself with this HA condition to people that can understand it. I am a 54 year old registered nurse working in a ICU for almost 20 years now. I have always had health anxiety and have been to so many doctors through the years its kind of embarrassing. Other people look at this condition as a joke. I get my labs done at a private lab due to the fact my physician believes they are not needed. I have so many stories about my health anxiety that I could probably write a book on my experiences. My latest concern is is a shotty lymph node in the back of my neck that I have noticed for about two weeks. I went and had a skin biopsy done around the same time about 4 inches from the swollen lymph node ( of course the biopsy came back fine). I am hoping this is normal. I have been trying to get an appointment with ENT but they must be extremely busy this time of year. This health anxiety is really frustrating. I called off of work 2 days in a row now because I convinced myself I have some type of Lymphoma. The funny thing is I know I have health anxiety and the hundreds of times I have been to the physicians throughout the years nothing has ever came back as a concern, even though at the time I was convinced otherwise. I have had MRIs, MRAs, multiple colonoscopies, skin biopsies, EKG's just to name a few and more lab tests that I can remember. I don't know how to fix this problem. My physician prescribed Zoloft a year ago and even though I picked up the prescription I will not take it. I am worried about the side effects. In addition I don't want a band aid to fix this problem. I took off of work for several months after Covid resolved. I didn't have any health anxiety working during that time because I was always busy working up to 70+ hours. However, the aftermath was worry upon worry. I was never worried about Covid for some reason and was exposed to it daily but I have anxiety about the smallest things. Anything can trigger it. If I'm watching television or if someone mentions something like Cancer I can get obsessed with the idea, not always, but sometimes. Being an ICU nurse I have been around a lot of death and dying for a long time and even though I don't let it get to me when I'm working I believe it has added a lot to my anxiety. . Anyway, thank you all for sharing on this great website. I have visited here over the years to calm myself down.

Tony T